Page 8 | Bf stayed night at mine whilst I was away.

Hereforadviceee · 2026-05-24T08:37:26+00:00

I don’t know if I am overthinking this but this feels off. I’ve been with my bf for a year but we actually broke up a couple of months ago so we’ve been seeing each other more casually. He lives literally a minute from mine a couple roads over. I took my little ones away to go camping and had an order of plants from a month ago be delivered that evening ( the delivery was an estimate and they send roots for example that could dry out) with the heat at the moment, I was worried they may all dry out before we got home and asked my bf as he has a spare key for incase I loose mine etc, if on the way home and it wasn’t too much trouble, could he just place the parcel inside the door as they left it on my driveway. He said sure no problem. He joke about staying over and watching my streaming services and I thought he was joking and he said he might as well get something out of it for coming over and I still thought he was joking. On my ring door bell I get notifications I saw his car go and thought he stayed an hour then left. Then this morning I can see his car is on my driveway and he stayed the night!? he told me he watched marvel films all night and got a takeaway/ an now I’m picturing the home being a bit of a mess when I made it nice to come back to. It may be clean but I’m just picturing him slobbing out at mine with takeaway stuff left in the kitchen as this is what he’s like and I just feel off. He lives walking distance from our home. But lives in shared accommodation. Am I being ridiculous?

Kokonimater · 24/05/2026 15:29

This really has got to be a deal breaker. You’ve been too passive.
PLEASE have the courage to end this.
he’s a sponger. There’s no point in continuing this. He has no boundaries.
Time to draw a line under this relationship. And do not be persuaded if he tries to convince you he’ll change. He won’t.

Millytante · 24/05/2026 15:29

Hereforadviceee · 24/05/2026 12:31

He’s mid 30s. But this is also been an issue he doesn’t seem to have any plan in life and I have worried he’s assumed he will just live with me. I’m self employed and have a few business and a part time job my income isn’t stable because of this as in my income fluctuates. I was looking to start another stream of income off one of my businesses and he said I should put it in his name and he can help with it as he wants a side hustle and he doesn’t know what to do but could ‘help me’. Also found out he has no pension and his future plan his to have some money from his mums house that will be split between 6 kids and that’s his idea of the future sorted.

I have not seen this relationship as a forever thing before anyone asks why it’s got this far. He was fun but pass that he doesn’t work. I’ve found out a lot of this along the way. He seemed together and with a plan but is a smooth talker and more of a talker than a doer.

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Oh man, he’s a flipping text book case!
You are a handy and bottomless resource for him, and he’s intent on edging his way into a very nice position whereby his own income is untouched, and you provide everything including the title to a business (and probably your home)

           You need to end this immediately, no ifs or buts, and give your head a good wobble. Your child is not at all happy about him yet you (despite listing numerous ghastly aspects of his user personality) still say he’s actually pretty fantastic, really.

Moveoverdarlin · 24/05/2026 15:31

God he sounds awful. Like a teenage boy taking advantage of his Mum and Dad being away.

Original poster

Hereforadviceee · 24/05/2026 15:32

Gwenhwyfar · 24/05/2026 15:27

No, but I would expect them to help if I want a favour back, which he clearly did.

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a day previously I mentioned it was best not to see him right now when the children are with me so they come back to find him in their home it’s basic boundaries. He opened a bunch of parcels. He lied and did not ask to directly stay the night. He picked up a takeaway by his house and came back to watch my tv because he doesn’t want to pay a fiver a month so I’ll just come back and clean and deal with any emotional back lash to my children hoping to spend time with me and their home to feel like their home.

OP posts:

ThreadGuardDog · 24/05/2026 15:35

UniquePinkSwan · 24/05/2026 09:39

You said he could. You should’ve made it clear you were joking. He obviously didn’t think you were.

Where did OP give him permission ?

ThreadGuardDog · 24/05/2026 15:36

Hereforadviceee · 24/05/2026 15:32

a day previously I mentioned it was best not to see him right now when the children are with me so they come back to find him in their home it’s basic boundaries. He opened a bunch of parcels. He lied and did not ask to directly stay the night. He picked up a takeaway by his house and came back to watch my tv because he doesn’t want to pay a fiver a month so I’ll just come back and clean and deal with any emotional back lash to my children hoping to spend time with me and their home to feel like their home.

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OP dump him and do it now. He has no respect for you or your boundaries. Raise your bar.

ThreadGuardDog · 24/05/2026 15:43

Hereforadviceee · 24/05/2026 12:31

He’s mid 30s. But this is also been an issue he doesn’t seem to have any plan in life and I have worried he’s assumed he will just live with me. I’m self employed and have a few business and a part time job my income isn’t stable because of this as in my income fluctuates. I was looking to start another stream of income off one of my businesses and he said I should put it in his name and he can help with it as he wants a side hustle and he doesn’t know what to do but could ‘help me’. Also found out he has no pension and his future plan his to have some money from his mums house that will be split between 6 kids and that’s his idea of the future sorted.

I have not seen this relationship as a forever thing before anyone asks why it’s got this far. He was fun but pass that he doesn’t work. I’ve found out a lot of this along the way. He seemed together and with a plan but is a smooth talker and more of a talker than a doer.

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He’s a cocklodger. He may not be living with you but suggesting you put one of your business endeavours in his name (or even joint name) is a massive red flag. Wakey wakey OP - he’s a lazy arsed sponger. Dump him.

Jackiepumpkinhead · 24/05/2026 15:43

Gwenhwyfar · 24/05/2026 15:27

No, but I would expect them to help if I want a favour back, which he clearly did.

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He didn’t want a ‘favour’ back, he wanted to stay in her home, eat her children’s food, take her clean bedding off her bed, open her parcels, and stink her house out.

Error404FucksNotFound · 24/05/2026 15:58

Hes not frugal. Hes a stingy piss taker mooching off you
Sooner you dump him the better.

Morrisons26 · 24/05/2026 15:59

What a gross disgusting man-child.

OP, throw this one back. He needs to grow up. Your children have told you everything you need to know - they don't want him around and they seem to have made a better assessment of him than you are capable of.

It was completely unreasonable of him to stay over, take your clean sheets etc, leave his disgusting dirsty take-away all over for you to clean up.

He is just horrible.

A friend wouldn't behave like this to you. He's taking advantage.

You're far too nice just because you want a man in your life? Do you know how to be treated well? To be treated like a queen? Clearly not. Raise your standards. He's treating you like a skivvy. Get some anger and dump him.

MyMonthlyNameChange · 24/05/2026 15:59

MyKhakiFish · 24/05/2026 13:44

Yep, they both do. Don’t see how what you’ve said somehow changes what I said. It doesn’t.

SHE lacks boundaries by giving her “ex” a key for her place and asking him for favours. If SHE hadn’t done that, this wouldn’t have happened.

So as I said, she lacks boundaries and she’s to blame.

Edited

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She’s not to blame for him opening her parcels or de using to stay in her house overnight and eat her kids’ food. Those were all things he chose to do. Stop blaming women for men’s shitty behaviour.

Morrisons26 · 24/05/2026 16:01

I don't understand why women go for no hope losers like this. It beggars belief.

Isn't it obvious that they're going to be a disappointment from the start... ?

I think I'd rather let my plants die than have this awful shit in my house. He's really not worth the trouble and disrespect. He caused a whole lot more irritation and boundary pushing than he was worth OP?

bakingsodar · 24/05/2026 16:04

1 you broke with the man - but he has a key
2 you have kids but allow a man around their living space

which one is it ....

theansweris42 · 24/05/2026 16:07

OP just sending you some support like many PPs.
You've done the right thing definitely.
No idea why you're getting some crappy responses about it being your fault/only to be expected/not a big deal.... ignore 'em.

outerspacepotato · 24/05/2026 16:11

I was looking to start another stream of income off one of my businesses and he said I should put it in his name and he can help with it as he wants a side hustle and he doesn’t know what to do but could ‘help me’. Also found out he has no pension and his future plan his to have some money from his mums house that will be split between 6 kids and that’s his idea of the future sorted.

Are you not getting he's a loser looking to live in your home and take your business if you let him and fuck your kids over? He's not frugal, he's a wanna be parasite. This guy is no good for you.

Morrisons26 · 24/05/2026 16:21

Get your key back OP. Or change the locks. Fuck him.

Coffecakeicing · 24/05/2026 16:28

You need to find your anger and put your children first.

They clearly told you they don't want him around, yet came home to find him squatting in your house overnight.

Find your anger.
This is your children's home.

They deserve so much better than this.

NeelyOHara · 24/05/2026 16:29

Gwenhwyfar · 24/05/2026 15:26

I don't think it matters that he only lives 5 minutes away. You're still getting him to go to yours and do a job for you and then complaining that he watched your streaming services, services that you are presumably paying for anyway so he's cost you nothing.

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So using her electricity doesn’t cost anything now?

Edamummybean · 24/05/2026 16:32

AppleTheStoolasMom · 24/05/2026 10:43

Change your locks and check for cameras!
That’s totally off and if he’s that entitled to your space now, where will it end?
I guarantee he’s snooped through all of your personal and private things.

I was going to ask about the ages of your children, thinking of him snooping through their personal stuff as well as yours and the risk of hidden cameras. Also, him returning out of sight of cameras, are you sure he didn’t bring someone round to shag at your place? More privacy than at his. It would explain him bringing his car if he needed to collect them from the station or work.

Lavenderandbrown · 24/05/2026 16:42

It’s done now OP and actually it’s good because you truly have seen him for who he is. This was all intentional and probably why he agreed to get the plants. A normal person would stop get the plants inside open the box only if believed to be needing watered and left your home.

instead he ate your fun kids snacks drank the milk pulled your crisp clean bed apart to “watch movies and accidentally fall asleep” and used your streaming services all because he is too cheap tight poor to pay for these himself.

GET THE KEY BACK TODAY.

and in all sincerity find an older person or a family in the neighborhood or an elderly single lady and do a key switch. The kind who will mostly be home or someone will
be home and they won’t take advantage. I have two neighbors keys. older folks understand about wanting a back up key because this is what neighbors used to do before phones and touchpads

and as someone who was single in her 40s do not give a key to any man you are dating or dated. He’s not the right person for the job. I encountered a lot of men who were very interested in my fabulous house and advanced education…maybe more than interested in me. They all still live on some women’s dole.

Iris2020 · 24/05/2026 16:43

Honestly if my boyfriend was in shared accommodation I'd have volunteered the chance for him to.stay for a week to have a break and his own space.
Do you love and trust this man? It doesn't sound like it.

Edit: just read your updates and yes, frugal amd entitled is very ick. Sorry about your situation.

SwatTheTwit · 24/05/2026 16:45

Hereforadviceee · 24/05/2026 11:57

Hiya so got back. I tried to
call him and he didn’t answer came in to him waking up on sofa and him going wow your back early and I said I didn’t know you were staying over. He said he didn’t mean to he fell asleep. Turns out he took in the parcel. He drives past mine on way back home from work that’s why I didn’t see it as a massive favour to be honest. He stayed for about two hours, drove to get a takeaway so he could save on delivery money, but the takeaway he chose was just across from where he lives and I said why didn’t you go home at that point and he said he wanted to watch another movie. So came back with food and yes it was a mess and the room just stink, he taken all the bedding from upstairs I’d just put on and made himself comfy on sofa he did put it back upstairs before he left to be fair. But I said it wasn’t on and he hadn’t told me he was going to actually stay the night and need to ask and confirm that.

I guess it feels like a pisstake as the issues we had previously were based on how frugal he is and I think being a single mum trying to support two kids without much support when he acts frugal it grates me. For example he he stays when I don’t have the kids on a weekend and we go out he will want me to drive everytime so he doesn’t have to use his own fuel. He only wants to take me out where he works most the time as he can get free tickets so if I suggest anything else it has to be my car because it was my idea. He makes more than me and if he stays I end up buying the food shop but he will take a few things out the shopping to buy to look like he’s chipping in. I’m frustrated I can never have the luxury to go to his as he’s in shared accommodation as he wants to save as much of his income as possible which makes sense but the relationship felt very one sided. I’ve wanted to cool things the past few months also for my kids sake. As it’s 3 years since the family split and I realised it was too much with the pace of the relationship. My child locked him in the garden as clearly didn’t want him here and that was her way of saying that.

I just don’t think this is right for me or my kids and think I’m very sensitive to people taking liberties. It may sound over the top to some and not a big deal he stayed but it’s been a fragile situation we were supposed to be dating again and I feel he’s slipped right back in. I’m going to ask for the key back and have said no to meeting up tomorrow.

So he’s not frugal, he’s cheap.

Whats confusing me though is that you can just say no? “No, let’s go on your car” or anything along those lines.

bitterbuddhist · 24/05/2026 16:52

Have you gotten your key back, OP? Or will you change the locks? Because this guy is a CF.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 24/05/2026 16:52

@Hereforadviceee I don't think you should have asked for your key back whilst he's not right there in front of you. He now has the opportunity to go make a copy before returning it to you. It's much better to just change the locks, you can get a decent lock for £30 and it only takes 5 mins to fit it yourself.

Minty · 24/05/2026 16:55

Lavenderandbrown · 24/05/2026 16:42

It’s done now OP and actually it’s good because you truly have seen him for who he is. This was all intentional and probably why he agreed to get the plants. A normal person would stop get the plants inside open the box only if believed to be needing watered and left your home.

instead he ate your fun kids snacks drank the milk pulled your crisp clean bed apart to “watch movies and accidentally fall asleep” and used your streaming services all because he is too cheap tight poor to pay for these himself.

GET THE KEY BACK TODAY.

and in all sincerity find an older person or a family in the neighborhood or an elderly single lady and do a key switch. The kind who will mostly be home or someone will
be home and they won’t take advantage. I have two neighbors keys. older folks understand about wanting a back up key because this is what neighbors used to do before phones and touchpads

and as someone who was single in her 40s do not give a key to any man you are dating or dated. He’s not the right person for the job. I encountered a lot of men who were very interested in my fabulous house and advanced education…maybe more than interested in me. They all still live on some women’s dole.

This last paragraph is bang on. Only date men with at least as much financial health as you.