Bf stayed night at mine whilst I was away.

[Hereforadviceee]

I don’t know if I am overthinking this but this feels off. I’ve been with my bf for a year but we actually broke up a couple of months ago so we’ve been seeing each other more casually. He lives literally a minute from mine a couple roads over. I took my little ones away to go camping and had an order of plants from a month ago be delivered that evening ( the delivery was an estimate and they send roots for example that could dry out) with the heat at the moment, I was worried they may all dry out before we got home and asked my bf as he has a spare key for incase I loose mine etc, if on the way home and it wasn’t too much trouble, could he just place the parcel inside the door as they left it on my driveway. He said sure no problem.

He joke about staying over and watching my streaming services and I thought he was joking and he said he might as well get something out of it for coming over and I still thought he was joking. On my ring door bell I get notifications I saw his car go and thought he stayed an hour then left. Then this morning I can see his car is on my driveway and he stayed the night!?

he told me he watched marvel films all night and got a takeaway/ an now I’m picturing the home being a bit of a mess when I made it nice to come back to. It may be clean but I’m just picturing him slobbing out at mine with takeaway stuff left in the kitchen as this is what he’s like and I just feel off. He lives walking distance from our home. But lives in shared accommodation.

Am I being ridiculous?

Every single action that he took was so disrespectful, and a lot of them completely selfish.

I honestly would not forgive this, where would it end?

she's to blame for asking a guy she dates to pop a parcel in her front door as he oasses by and actual like a normal human being??

I'd do what she asked of him for a friend who lives near or a neighbour i didn't know too well. i wouldn't go in their house, make a mess and crash on their sofa.

you have such poor expectations of human decency, I'm genuinely sorry that your experience of people has left you to expect so little .

It’s clear you haven’t read the thread properly. She’s not dating him. She’s admitted this.

I’m genuinely sorry that your experience of life has left you with poor boundaries, a lack of accountability and encouraging of behaviours such as OP’s. I’m also sorry that your experience of life has left you with poor comprehension skills and the inability to read threads properly.

Take your key back and make sure he hasn't made any copies, and don't ask him to do you any favours again.

People are way too cheeky.

In Op's first post:-

he told me he watched marvel films all night and got a takeaway/ an now I’m picturing the home being a bit of a mess when I made it nice to come back to. It may be clean but I’m just picturing him slobbing out at mine with takeaway stuff left in the kitchen as this is what he’s like and I just feel off. He lives walking distance from our home. But lives in shared accommodation.

Girl. He opened your private packages. He ate your kids' food! No man worth keeping would do that. He's a lazy, selfish, opportunistic, boundary stomping hobosexual.

No wonder your kids are sick of him.

I could say the same to you

@SleepingStandingUp i think so he could binge kids films all night, on the sofa also who needs bedding this weather 🔥🔥

this x 100

I can understand why you asked him for a favour, I would ask any neighbour with a key if they could take in a parcel. Staying overnight to watch films, you needed to be firmer saying no. Taking clean bedding off a bed so he could sleep on your sofa is beyond reasonable. Absolutely unacceptable - opening your parcels, still being asleep on your sofa when you return at midday, not clearing up all traces of his takeaway and breakfast.

Reading the posts back he sounds like a teenage boy who has stayed in a neighbour’s house when it is free - takeaway, Marvel, dragged bedding to the sofa, still asleep.
Grim.

You need your key back. There are other people / places to leave a spare key.

Him watching tv could be seen as a miscommunication. Staying over - maybe taking the piss but you've said you still have a relationship of sorts.

However the stuff that would annoy/worry me are:

My children not wanting him to be around

Him opening my parcels (WTF! My DH of 19 years doesn't do that and I don't open parcels addressed to him)

Him wanting a business of mine in his name and having no plan of his own

Him having zero pension

Him banking on a share of his Mum's estate when she dies which is only 1/6 anyway (what if she needs care?)

My advice would be to get that key back and end it properly

Hope you feel better now he has gone and the bedding is in the wash!

Oh, JC. Change locks. Block. BF is a wannabe cock lodger. Beyond brazen and very disrespectful. I wouldn't need to give it any thought at all.
No one would think, Can you take my parcels in for me? is a green light for Make yourself at home, eat my food and stay over. No one. 🤦‍♀️

I would change the locks. You're giving him mixed messages. Why does your ex still have a key to your home?

I was looking to start another stream of income off one of my businesses and he said I should put it in his name and he can help with it as he wants a side hustle and he doesn’t know what to do but could ‘help me’.

well fuck that.

I'd be changing the locks incase he gets /has a spare and ending the 'relationship'.

I’m glad you’re waking up and seeing him for who he is. You’ve realised your singing from very different hymn sheets.

Opening other peoples parcels is another red flag, unless it was the plants and he took time to water them and care for them.

i can’t quite believe he took the bedding of your bed for himself. He has no sense of propriety, does he.

I'd do the same

That’s how I know he didn’t just fall asleep. He literally made a bed downstairs. Ugh

He has no boundaries

Your request was perfectly reasonable

His behaviour was not

You have to be more precise in your definitions - you say boyfriend and in the same breath - we broke up - and in the same breath - we have been seeing each other casually. You have to name things by their plain names and everything will become clear. Lots of confusion about 'what to do' comes due to blurred/fuzzy definitions.

YANBU. You asking him to get something in if possible is absolutely not the same as saying hey stay over, help yourself. Complete lack of boundaries or respect on his behalf for your home. I would be demanding the key back (change locks?) and honestly, ending it. It is a violation of your privacy and space. However, equally, did you make it explicitly clear you did not want him to stay over? Not saying he should have done so without definitely checking / asking first, but I wonder if there has been a bit of a lack of communication also.

Wow so people can’t just be kind to each other without expecting something ?