Bf stayed night at mine whilst I was away.

[Hereforadviceee]

I don’t know if I am overthinking this but this feels off. I’ve been with my bf for a year but we actually broke up a couple of months ago so we’ve been seeing each other more casually. He lives literally a minute from mine a couple roads over. I took my little ones away to go camping and had an order of plants from a month ago be delivered that evening ( the delivery was an estimate and they send roots for example that could dry out) with the heat at the moment, I was worried they may all dry out before we got home and asked my bf as he has a spare key for incase I loose mine etc, if on the way home and it wasn’t too much trouble, could he just place the parcel inside the door as they left it on my driveway. He said sure no problem.

He joke about staying over and watching my streaming services and I thought he was joking and he said he might as well get something out of it for coming over and I still thought he was joking. On my ring door bell I get notifications I saw his car go and thought he stayed an hour then left. Then this morning I can see his car is on my driveway and he stayed the night!?

he told me he watched marvel films all night and got a takeaway/ an now I’m picturing the home being a bit of a mess when I made it nice to come back to. It may be clean but I’m just picturing him slobbing out at mine with takeaway stuff left in the kitchen as this is what he’s like and I just feel off. He lives walking distance from our home. But lives in shared accommodation.

Am I being ridiculous?

You say I just don’t think this is right for me or my kids and think I’m very sensitive to people taking liberties but you arent are you? you gave the bloke whom you arent even dating any more a key to your house (the house you share with your children) and he took advantage. I think you arent being sensitive ENOUGH about protecting your space and that of your kids.

Geez. Take the fucking key back- does this really need to be spelt out??

He has left ceral and milk out and eating a lot of my kids snacks but again maybe that’s fair game and reasonable. I think a lot of people are replying based on a long term relationship we were supposed to be dating again and stupidly they favour was me over stepping and him over stepping that.

Opened your parcels 🤔 So because he was looking for the plants? Or because he was being nosey and knew the parcels didn't contain plants?

the plants one was clear it was the one left on the driveway not the Amazon parcels inside.

Exactly! This wouldn’t bother me at all. I am very laidback though…

@Hereforadviceee so he suggested putting one of your businesses in his name too did he?! Sounds like a cocklodger-in-waiting. I would dump him completely for his behaviour last night anyway, but that other revelation along with the absolute cheapskatery would seal it utterly. You can do SO much better than this!

After reading it all u need to get that key back asap op. Hes a leech, hes tight as, and taking the piss already on the financial front, imagine what it would b like if u live together! Your kids don’t like him, he’s asking for his name on your future business, and u know he won’t help a jot with that but will collect the cash from it no problem. I can’t see what the attraction is?

Dump him, OP. He's a wannabe-cocklodger with no money or prospects, your kids don't like him, and he is only bringing upset and drama to your life.

You don't have to justify your decision to a bunch of weirdos on MN who think you should be letting men do whatever they like or you're not cool.

But the post you put saying that was AFTER the post I quoted. So tell me how did the laster I quoted know BEFORE you made your post?

@Hereforadviceee I think you're finding some resolve through these posts - even though some are at odds with one another - it's good to get all of the views to try and help you figure out the best way forward. Plus you're the best kind of poster - firstly you didn't post and then run away! You're taken everything on the chin and you've answered questions to enable people to understand and advise better.

I think - honestly - that he has been taking advantage for a while now. I wouldn't call him frugal - I would call him mean, both very different things. My dad is frugal - he still wears a stupid sun-bleached golf shirt that he could well afford to replace but has offered me £500 if I need to get a private CT scan. He's kind, he's not mean, but he is frugal.

As you say, your children come first and they have indicated to you how they feel. It is time to draw the line and stop the casual dating. I am sure they - as most kids do - want better for you. My mum still has an engagement ring that a former boyfriend gave her that neither me or my sister thought was right for her - we wanted her to be happy, but he was drippy and just boring - my mum didn't accept the engagement but he told her to keep the ring in case she changed her mind. She never did - she remarried my dad, who despite their differences, is a much better match for her. They both need someone to spark off (weirdos!)

So as you say, sort out a key safe, ask for his key back, and just tell him that the relationship - casual or otherwise is at an end - it may take a bit of time to sink in with him - but if you stand hard he will find someone else to take advantage of. And above all, both you and the children deserve a millions times better - and you can only find that, if you draw the line under this situation. Good luck!

He is a grifter.
Your children can see it.

Normal decent men wouldn't dream of doing this.

Wake up OP, hes a loser user.

Do the www.freedomprogramme

Read Women who love too much, by Robin Norwood.

Build your boundaries.

Well if they weren't all plants then no, he shouldn't have opened them.

BUT 2 points

your relationship status is all blurred lines & you need to end it or better define ggd boundaries.

secondly, he sounds like an annoying, self centered twat & I can't see why you're wasting your life on him.

Just git rid of him op, hejustwants to get as much out of you as possible, anything and everything of yours is a free resource to him and he will keep taking the piss, drop him.

Change your locks, get a key safe and maybe a camera for the back of your property.

He’s taken the mickey big time, thankgod you weren’t away longer. Definitely get rid

Clean break. And no relationship for awhile for your children's sake, or at least keep them out of your home and away from your children.
You're not ready, you're children aren't ready.

This is such an out of order comment.

from OP’s updates about him wanting her to put one of her businesses in his name, he is obviously a parasite and is preying on OP to get into her home, claim one of her businesses and get his feet under hers and her children’s table.

He’s phenomenally cheeky and has no respect for your boundaries. Popping a parcel inside someone’s front door on your way back from work is hardly a difficult favour. I’m astonished at the amount of posters who think what he’s done is okay. The bar for some women is still in hell, it seems.

OP, dump this mooching loser as fast as you can. Don’t bother getting the key back - just change the locks. You can’t trust him to respect your boundaries, there’s no way he can be trusted with a key.

You and your children are about to have a lucky escape. Sounds like your daughter has head the measure of him from the start.

It doesn't really matter who was reasonable/unreasonable. You are not a good fit for each other.

FFS come on OP.
He's mid 30s, has a good income but is tight, he’s using you and your home like some sort of maid/hostel service and your kids clearly don’t like him.
Put his name on your business?
Surely you can see now. Surely.
Maybe it’s the heat today but I’m bloody sick of these arseholes. And he’s a nosey one as well.
You and your kids deserve better.

He fucking lacks boundaries!! What sort of person opens other people’s parcels?

He sounds like an out of control 15 year old.

Wow that's really cheeky. Did he tell you? What if it was something personal.

This has escalated for me, I've changed my mind. Tell him he's crossed several boundaries.

Cocklodger and possibly a thief - why open your parcels unless it was to see if any worth taking?

Tell him to FO and change your locks.

Yep, they both do. Don’t see how what you’ve said somehow changes what I said. It doesn’t.

SHE lacks boundaries by giving her “ex” a key for her place and asking him for favours. If SHE hadn’t done that, this wouldn’t have happened.

So as I said, she lacks boundaries and she’s to blame.

Just end it.

What's weird is steipping your bed to make up the sofa. why didn't he sit on the sofa then go up to bed.

on the surface, him staying over is no big deal. HOWEVER given the state of your relationship, the fact it's moving too soon for your kid, the fact that he didn't get explicit consent from you and this isn't an agreement you have in place, that he left the house a mess, that he didn't have the sense to be up and out at a sensible time. you just need to. it your losses.

you seem to have released this isn't what you and your kid need right now. stay strong with that. enjoy just being a little family for now and then in time find a guy who's values mat h your own .