Bf stayed night at mine whilst I was away.

[Hereforadviceee]

I don’t know if I am overthinking this but this feels off. I’ve been with my bf for a year but we actually broke up a couple of months ago so we’ve been seeing each other more casually. He lives literally a minute from mine a couple roads over. I took my little ones away to go camping and had an order of plants from a month ago be delivered that evening ( the delivery was an estimate and they send roots for example that could dry out) with the heat at the moment, I was worried they may all dry out before we got home and asked my bf as he has a spare key for incase I loose mine etc, if on the way home and it wasn’t too much trouble, could he just place the parcel inside the door as they left it on my driveway. He said sure no problem.

He joke about staying over and watching my streaming services and I thought he was joking and he said he might as well get something out of it for coming over and I still thought he was joking. On my ring door bell I get notifications I saw his car go and thought he stayed an hour then left. Then this morning I can see his car is on my driveway and he stayed the night!?

he told me he watched marvel films all night and got a takeaway/ an now I’m picturing the home being a bit of a mess when I made it nice to come back to. It may be clean but I’m just picturing him slobbing out at mine with takeaway stuff left in the kitchen as this is what he’s like and I just feel off. He lives walking distance from our home. But lives in shared accommodation.

Am I being ridiculous?

To OP,
From what you've said, he has almost no insight into how his continual mean and "taking" behavious grates on other people. Leopards don't change their spots. There are much better men out there. Get your keys off him and put him into your past. HTH.

This. I mean you split but he still has a key???? W the actual F?

@Hereforadviceee i think you have every right to be angry. He has totally taken the piss . Whether your kids were there or not. .
Id have told him straight to be long gone by the time I arrived and there had better not be any mess . Total cheap skate. .Txt and tell
him to return your key then say it’s not working with you both , he over stepped the mark has no respect and doesn’t care about your boundaries .

Yes, change the locks. Getting your key back doesn’t mean he hasn’t made a copy.

Your Dd locking him in the garden is a red flag imo. My DH did this when he was a kid to the person that was abusing him (that would babysit).

I agree he's taking liberties. He did you a favour but it was a minor one, the sort of thing most people would happily do for a neighbour without a second thought. It doesn't mean he gets carte blanche over your home while you're away.

This, though: now I’m picturing the home being a bit of a mess when I made it nice to come back to. It may be clean but I’m just picturing him slobbing out at mine with takeaway stuff left in the kitchen as this is what he’s like and I just feel off.

Makes me wonder what you're doing with him at all. Seeing some guy you expect to be disrespectful when he's in your space is not great for you or your kids. He hasn't made a home of his own that he likes, and when he comes to a decent home he treats it poorly. It's immature (and if he's over 25, unlikely to change) and probably rooted in sexism.

You say you broke up with him a couple of months ago but dating casually now. Maybe you're lonely and maybe he's good in bed, or there's some other nice but not essential thing he does for you, but I think you know he's not a keeper already? Throw him back properly and give your self the space to find someone who is worth your time.

He's an entitled, lying, mean CL. Get your key back ASAP, then tell him to get lost.

Boundaries seem hugely blurred here. Either split with him or don't and if you do, don't ask him for favours.

It sounds like you asked him for a small favour and he massively overstepped.

You just wanted him to pop your parcel into the house as he was passing by, so the plants would be inside.

He decided to stay over all night, sleep in your clean bedding, use your electricity and subscription services, leave takeaway mess out, drink milk and eat snacks that are for your kids, go through and open your parcels (wtf weird). And still be there in the morning when he must know your kids don’t want to spend time with him atm.

he was supposed to come over and I said we need to rain check as the children didn’t want him to as they wanted one to one time with me.

Can't help thinking he made sure he was there when you got back as a "fuck you" to your kids.

You've only been seeing him a year & already your kids know him & he has a key.

This is excellent advice, @Hereforadviceee. He may have had a duplicate key made in the past- you have no way to know. Replacing the lock is the first thing you should do.

Don't you going the guy is to blame for being a selfish, entitled freeloader?

Yes picturing. She hasn't actually got home at that time

This is either a wind up or you need to seriously have a think about your boundaries. How incredibly ridiculous that you didn’t chuck him out and demand the key back there and then!

But that shows his previous behaviour, confirmed in later posts. So my assumption was correct.

Oooooh no. No no no. He’s got no drive and wants to coast along on what you’ve created.

Hope your bed is all clean again, enjoy your cool silk pillows and kick this manchild to the kerb.

I know it's not the point of the thread, but just wanted to say it sounds so lovely what you're doing for your kids, taking them camping without phones, putting in plants. You sound like a great mum

That’s some ‘hobby’.

They can expect the other person to be kind back, yes.
I don't send people on errands for me who are not welcome to watch TV in my home.

I did tell him to leave but im not going to make a scene in front of my children. It was the first time he used the key and I honestly thought he would just put the parcel inside and go. Even though we had broken up o was still happy for him to have a key it made sense he lived nearby and had never done anything like that before. We didn’t end on bad terms at that time it was due to him being a penny pincher but overall having got on well and then we talked about all of this and agreed to try dating again and this has happened a few weeks in.

I have now asked for them back and will get a key safe.

It's obviously confusing for the two of them too. She's using him as her go-to man for every job, but can't stand him being in her home.

Why can't films be a hobby?

I’m sorry how do you come to that assumption over one parcel on his way home when he lives two streets over?

So you only do favours for people when you get something in return?

I don't think it matters that he only lives 5 minutes away. You're still getting him to go to yours and do a job for you and then complaining that he watched your streaming services, services that you are presumably paying for anyway so he's cost you nothing.

No, but I would expect them to help if I want a favour back, which he clearly did.