Bf stayed night at mine whilst I was away.

[Hereforadviceee]

I don’t know if I am overthinking this but this feels off. I’ve been with my bf for a year but we actually broke up a couple of months ago so we’ve been seeing each other more casually. He lives literally a minute from mine a couple roads over. I took my little ones away to go camping and had an order of plants from a month ago be delivered that evening ( the delivery was an estimate and they send roots for example that could dry out) with the heat at the moment, I was worried they may all dry out before we got home and asked my bf as he has a spare key for incase I loose mine etc, if on the way home and it wasn’t too much trouble, could he just place the parcel inside the door as they left it on my driveway. He said sure no problem.

He joke about staying over and watching my streaming services and I thought he was joking and he said he might as well get something out of it for coming over and I still thought he was joking. On my ring door bell I get notifications I saw his car go and thought he stayed an hour then left. Then this morning I can see his car is on my driveway and he stayed the night!?

he told me he watched marvel films all night and got a takeaway/ an now I’m picturing the home being a bit of a mess when I made it nice to come back to. It may be clean but I’m just picturing him slobbing out at mine with takeaway stuff left in the kitchen as this is what he’s like and I just feel off. He lives walking distance from our home. But lives in shared accommodation.

Am I being ridiculous?

I 100% per cent support you

Oh I see, he was already there! He's a pisstaker and a miser. Dump!

He’s gone now I told him it wasn’t on and to go home. Saving a few pennies on food delivery that’s by his house to come back to mine when I was like look Disney with adds is like a fiver a month just buy it. He’s also wanted me to get more subscriptions the last weekend and was annoyed I didn’t want to spend time setting up Amazon prime when I wanted to just go to bed. So yeah I’ve had enough. His hobby is films and going to cinema or watching them at home.

Hes mean scum that is using you and your home.

Wake up for goodness sake.
Your children have the measure of him.

Get that key back and block him.

Hes repulsive.

The hoops some women will jump through through to excuse behaviour.

I don't believe any woman would do this, or would excuse another woman for doing this.

And you're deluded and absolutely the cheekiest mother fucker going if you think behaving like a friend, you know, a person who likes you and will do favours for you on the odd occasion, means you get to stay over in a person's house when they're not there even though you know they wouldn't like it.

Even without the backstory I can tell this man is a bum.

Only the very lowest of scum use a single mother.

The real dregs out there.
Never allow him in again.

Yes. I feed my neighbour’s cats when she’s away. I don’t feel entitled to plonk myself on the sofa to watch the golf or the tennis on her massive telly.

Is this your children’s home too?

Tbf I thought you were being unreasonable - then read your updates and realised you clearly aren't!

I think you've already realised this guy needs binning off. Good luck and it sounds like you'll be happier alone 💐

I feel so stupid. Despite all do this I thought it was worth giving it another go as he has amazing points to him but the frugal stuff gives me such an ick seeing a grown man on my sofa and that stench from last night takeaway in my fresh bedding on sofa. It was like some teenager situation and he was shocked I came home early.

Whenever I go away I like the home being nice to come home to and now I’m washing the sheets again and putting new bedding on. Probably over the top to some.

He knew your kid didn't want him there but turned taking in a package into an overnight and was still there when you got in. He's tried to talk you into adding more subscriptions so he'd be over even more even though your kid needs some time with you without his cheap ass there.

He's overstepped a big boundary and you know he's a wannabe cocklodger on your dime.

He could have had another key made. Get your locks changed or do it yourself. It's easy to do.

At first I I thought you were being ungenerous because living in shared accom it’s understandable to want an evening alone in a nice space. If he’d asked properly, cleaned up and vacated before you got home I think actually what a nice thing for him and for you to allow him. Now I’ve read all your updates, no, absolutely not, this incident is the least of them problem and this man is selfish baby who wants a mum. Don’t let your kids learn this dynamic as an example; dump.

Why didn't you ask for, and get, your key now - before he left.
Why would a now casual boyfriend have a key, he no longer lives with you.

Just break up properly, for good get key change lock/s

Yes why I made it clear this week it’s not working as they want one to one time with me why I went camping and that was lovely. I think if the kids weren’t here and it was just my home, I don’t think I would have flipped as much. I shouldn’t have given it another go.

You need to check that he hasn't activated new subscriptions on your accounts.

Change the locks. He was mean and sneaky to avoid being caught, and was surprised when you found him - suggesting he thought he would get away with it. Get rid of him - you deserve better. But get the locks changed asap (front and rear).

He never lived with me. It was on basis of if I lost one I could grab one off him.

To be honest I didn’t want some confrontation I just wanted him to go but will get key back when the kids are with their dad. I should have asked that’s fair to point out. I was bit shocked. I just can’t picture doing that. My friends outraged at him. I tried not to let it spoil the morning together it was supposed to be phones away sorta vibe in a field with the kids which we did but I should of nipped it in the bud I did not think he would be that brazen a couple hours sure whatever but to stay the night and be here like midday still to go from mine to work. Ugh

I don't think you're being particularly clear about new boundaries. You say you've gone "casual" but have you discussed this? Does that not mean he returns your house key and stops doing favors?

At the moment it seems you want everything your way and are not open to him at all. He can take in your packages but he can't hang out in your house.

I think you're the problem here.

He’s mid 30s. But this is also been an issue he doesn’t seem to have any plan in life and I have worried he’s assumed he will just live with me. I’m self employed and have a few business and a part time job my income isn’t stable because of this as in my income fluctuates. I was looking to start another stream of income off one of my businesses and he said I should put it in his name and he can help with it as he wants a side hustle and he doesn’t know what to do but could ‘help me’. Also found out he has no pension and his future plan his to have some money from his mums house that will be split between 6 kids and that’s his idea of the future sorted.

I have not seen this relationship as a forever thing before anyone asks why it’s got this far. He was fun but pass that he doesn’t work. I’ve found out a lot of this along the way. He seemed together and with a plan but is a smooth talker and more of a talker than a doer.

It’s also my kids home and they come first. I can’t however even go over his but every time is at my home. So yeah guess I’m the problem I’ll just pay and accommodate everytime.

He put your clean bedding on the sofa and it stunk of his takeaway?

That's a capital punishment offence, never mind dumping.

Silk pillows too I shit you not. Was looking forward to the cool side of pillow this weekend 🤣

Change the locks and stop asking him for favours?

He's a savage!

Air out the duvet as well before you put clean bedding on or that will stink of stale takeaway as well. Selfish, inconsiderate arsehole.

He overstepped and took the piss.
This was enabled by your vague jokey communication with him.
Be clear.
When he said he'd stay and watch films you should have said NO!
Message him asking if he stayed over and make it clear you didn't agree to that.
Ask him to leave the house as he found it ,specific a time he has to leave by and pop the key through the letterbox when he leaves
Going forward ,do you want to be in a relationship (allbe it casual ) with someone who oversteps in this way?