Bf stayed night at mine whilst I was away.

[Hereforadviceee]

I don’t know if I am overthinking this but this feels off. I’ve been with my bf for a year but we actually broke up a couple of months ago so we’ve been seeing each other more casually. He lives literally a minute from mine a couple roads over. I took my little ones away to go camping and had an order of plants from a month ago be delivered that evening ( the delivery was an estimate and they send roots for example that could dry out) with the heat at the moment, I was worried they may all dry out before we got home and asked my bf as he has a spare key for incase I loose mine etc, if on the way home and it wasn’t too much trouble, could he just place the parcel inside the door as they left it on my driveway. He said sure no problem.

He joke about staying over and watching my streaming services and I thought he was joking and he said he might as well get something out of it for coming over and I still thought he was joking. On my ring door bell I get notifications I saw his car go and thought he stayed an hour then left. Then this morning I can see his car is on my driveway and he stayed the night!?

he told me he watched marvel films all night and got a takeaway/ an now I’m picturing the home being a bit of a mess when I made it nice to come back to. It may be clean but I’m just picturing him slobbing out at mine with takeaway stuff left in the kitchen as this is what he’s like and I just feel off. He lives walking distance from our home. But lives in shared accommodation.

Am I being ridiculous?

You should have prioritized your kids before things got to this stage. Again you have a serious problem with setting clear boundaries.

How do you not see this? Do you not think this is entirely your fault? Because it is exactly that.

I have in the beginning they enjoyed seeing him and recently they haven’t wanted him to come over and so I have adjusted at every step of the way. I have moved seeing him when I didn’t have the children. He had a spare key on the basis of if I lost mine. Had a large plant order I didn’t want to die in this heatwave I didn’t think it was a massive ask whislt driving pass to put them inside it it was no trouble. I did not expect to come home to him being here and staying the night.

hard disagree. He broke her trust. He made huge assumptions.

Well that's an interesting take.
Are you his mum? Or the great man himself?

I should of been clearer but I did not expect him to have been this brazen the ring bell shown his car had left after our phone call and trying to not be on my phone I wrongly assumed he had gone and been here a few hours and that was that. I will get a key safe moving forward.

Also found he’s opened the parcel and the ones I already had inside. Bizarre

To me I'd not be that bothered. As long as he left no mess and didn't eat my food or drink my booze. Or if he did he should've replaced it immediately.

I can understand if he lives in hmo/flat share he fancied the comfort of your home for the night. I mean you could've said 'absolutely not. I'm not comfortable with you doing that'. And you did give him a key. I wouldn't give a key to someone who I couldn't bear the thought of staying at my house.

I do hope he realises it upset you and doesn't do it again though.

Nice for him, not for her. If he wants to get an evening alone in a nice space he can rent himself one. He's in shared because he wants to save his money - can't have your cake and eat it. He's like a teenager going round to his grown-up girlfriend's house because it's civilised, so off-putting.

The fuck?

What an asshole. Are you sure everything's there?

He's one of those guys that has hit his 30s and is too cheap to live on his own on a decent little place with his own TV and subscriptions. He wants The Girlfriend to have that and provide it for him.

Seriously, why don't you put MN down and stop being so unpleasant?

You should never have given him a key.

Even if you said "in case I lose mine" he will have interpreted it as "come in whenever you like"

You should have got the key back off him as soon as you first broke up

Sorry OP but is it possible he spent the night there with someone and that’s why he crept round the back to go in with his ‘takeaway’, so it did not get picked up on the ring doorbell. It’s a long shot but it’s not impossible. It is odd that he took the opportunity to stay there whilst you’re away. You need to tell him it’s not ok, take your key back , change the lock if you like (especially if you break up) and consider whether you still want him as a boyfriend, he doesn’t seem trustworthy and is taking advantage.

If you were my neighbour, I'd be more than happy for you to watch the golf or tennis at mine if it was a better tv than yours (mines actually not, it's a two man to move job 😂)

my neighbour & I have each others key, I was away at Christmas & their oven broke. I was annoyed with her she didn't just use mine, & told her so. Silly thing.

My friend has a key, she once stayed over when I was away after a huge row with her husband. I was pleased she felt comfortable enough to do that.

i wouldn't have minded my bf/semi bf staying at mine to watch my tv & have some space, but I wouldn't be with the waste of space she's semi 'with' in the first place.

Nosey, cheeky, lazy, tight. What a catch (not).

Glad you've seen the light & are getting rid.

Ah that makes it so much worse.
OP you have to be on your guard with this one, he's sneaky and he's pushing at your boundaries.
Don't just ask for your key back. Get a new lock fitted, because you can't trust him not to get a duplicate made. He's far to comfy in your home, if he was a tom cat he'd be spraying up the walls.

He leapt on any opportunity to get his feet under the table, I’d be furious OP

He joke about staying over and watching my streaming services and I thought he was joking and he said he might as well get something out of it for coming over and I still thought he was joking.

I suppose that, as several PPs have said, you could have pushed back harder and said a clearer "no", but why should you even be put in the position to have to do so? If he felt that stopping by and putting your plants inside was too onerous for him, he could have just said "no" or "sorry, can't" right up front. The "might as well get something" comes across as a kind of combination of self-centred and transactional that's really unattractive in an established relationship. If it were a joke it would be tiresome by now, but I suspect it's actually a pretty good reflection of how he really feels. And the constant feeling of his pushing your boundaries and trying to get something over on you and your having to rein him in like you're wrangling a small child is substantially creepy when you're in a sexual relationship.

In the long term, I doubt you'll have (m)any regrets about having cut him loose, beyond the inevitable occasional early twinges. This relationship has "far too irritating" and "way too much work" written all over it. Plus, I don't think he understands at all the way that having children impacts your (or anyone's) life and choices.

I think it's cheeky to expect a favour from someone you say tou broke up with, but be annoyed at him for this.

He mentioned it and you didn't say no 🤷‍♀️

I wouldn't mind someone staying in my house if I had something they could use e.g. when I went on holiday my sister stayed at mine to watch Sky (years ago!) as she didn't have it and it was a treat for her. But the sneakiness of your bf is the problem here.

What's bizarre about that? If I'd taken plants in for someone I'd have opened the boxes & check on them, watered them if possible.

That’s fair enough. I guess when a relationship becomes pretty one sided it didn’t feel like a massive ask we weren’t broken up. He had been wanting to do more of his share and I felt this was a time he could actually do something. He joked about watching a movie not staying over the night clearly he was going to see my children when we came back. He’s opened all my parcels that were in the house and the one he took in maybe that’s fair game I’m pretty torn reading so many responses.

How do you know this? Are you the bf?

I had 3 parcels he’s opened them all not watered any plants. Surely didn’t need to open all 3 the one he took in was clearly the plants

No I suspect he stole a couple of her new plants, carefully stowed them
in his car before watching the film & falling asleep.

You’re to blame and you clearly lack boundaries. Not sure why you’re posting here complaining about something of your own doing.