Is it unreasonable to be frustrated by a guest who says they eat anything when they actually don’t?

[funinthesun22]

My MIL is staying with us over the bank holiday. When I asked in advance what she’d like to eat, she said she eats anything and was happy to have whatever we usually have.

Friday dinner was a vegetable and chickpea but apparently she hates chickpeas and dried fruit in savoury food. Saturday breakfast (yogurt, granola, fruit) didn’t go down well either. I took her to M&S so she could pick things she’d enjoy, but she kept insisting she was fine and didn’t add anything to the basket until I said we’d planned tacos for dinner she said she didn’t know what that was and didn’t sound keen, so we bought an alternative dinner for her.

At lunch I made a salad with homemade dressing. She didn’t like the sound of the dressing and asked for salad cream which we didn’t have. I offered vinaigrette, olive oil, or mayo as alternatives but she turned them all down and had a plain salad. She also asked for a few additions we didn’t have, despite us having been in M&S two hours earlier offering to buy food. We’ve got a BBQ planned today and I’m hopeful now that I know more of her dislikes but still not entirely sure.

AIBU to find this frustrating? I genuinely don’t mind catering to a picky eater. I just need to know what she actually likes. But every time I ask, I get “I’ll eat whatever you’re having” when that’s clearly not the case.

I guess I've been proven wrong on the popularity of yogurt as a breakfast food. I absolutely love how protective some people have gotten over their yogurt! It's made me view it in a whole different light, I may even try granola too!

The weather was hot on Friday and Saturday here. It got hotter but I’d consider Friday and Saturday hot. MIL stayed until Monday morning too, so not just Saturday’s breakfast. I don’t cope well in heat waves though and impulse bought an air conditioner on Monday m so fully admit I’m melodramatic and fastidious with opening/closing windows and curtains and not adding heat to the house as soon as the word heatwave is on the news. But I also don’t usually served a cooked breakfast for guests regardless because it’s not something we normally eat so maybe I am using the weather to justify the same thing if have done it it were 10°C and raining.

Are you on YouTube cooking for granpa Joe? I love his reactions.

@LarksAscending I do eat yoghurt, l have it for breakfast most days, I just don't like plain yoghurt. I don't like berries for breakfast but I do eat berries. I do eat eggs, but can't face them for breakfast. I love granola, but I eat it dry or with milk, not with plain yoghurt. I also eat instant porridge... but I don't believe anyone could mistake Readybrek for instant porridge.

I'm quite happy with bread or toast with practically anything on it - except peanut butter and that's a texture thing as I like peanuts.

I'm also open to trying more exciting breakfasts such as those common in Asia - there are lots of things I would like to try.

And @Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice no - I did not miss that the OP had offered toast and cereal as well - I was just pointing out that I, along with many many other people and contrary to the prevailing mumsnet view that EVERYONE likes granola and plain yoghurt and that it is a normal breakfast - actually no. It is neither something that everyone likes or something that a lot of people would have for a normal breakfast. I'm not saying that there arent plenty of people who like it or have it as THEIR normal breakfast - just that because they do doesn't mean that everybody else should.

@DilemmaDelilah
Exactly!
I couldn’t care less what people have for breakfast but the mumsnet view that everyone is eating plain yoghurt and granola when in reality this is far from the case is absolutely ridiculous! There’s also a nasty underlying judgement coming across towards anyone who doesn’t and shock horror, those disgusting unhealthy types who eat a cooked breakfast! I find food snobbery very tedious. I am a working professional with a reasonable household income as are all of my friends and family. A significant number of them are probably better off than we are but we all have normal breakfasts, enjoy the odd McDonalds and Greggs and would opt for a burger in a restaurant if that’s what we fancied. If some of these posters really are only eating super healthy foods with no treats (doubtful) then that sounds like a pretty miserable existence to me. Competitive super healthy eating on here is almost as bad as the competitive under eating!

I just want to say that I’m not saying that everyone has to like or eat granola and yogurt. Just that it’s in the realm of normal breakfast items because some people upthread were acting like I’d served Heston’s snail porridge.

@funinthesun22
I don’t think anyone thought you were saying that. I would say that granola and plain yoghurt are unusual breakfast items and if that was all that was on offer for me at someone’s house I would be surprised too. Hopefully you can see from the comments that I’m definitely not alone. Just offer her some toast next time! There’s no rule saying that you have to eat the same thing. I know people with some pretty awful mother in laws, if her worst crime is being a bit of a fussy eater I would say you’re getting off pretty lightly.

Can you not read? OP offered toast and cereal.

A propos of nothing, I have granola & yoghurt for breakfast most mornings if that was vaguely relevant to the thread. Which it isn't. The point of the thread is that MIL claimed to eat everything. Wouldn't eat anything. was taken to a shop to buy food she liked. And wouldn't buy anything. How anyone can defend that behaviour is beyond me.

@EnterQueene
Fucking hell, how rude! Clearly I didn’t see that as it was not in the original post. You
seem just like the sort of person I imagine eats granola and yoghurt most mornings… 😂
It is possible and perfectly acceptable for people to have a different opinion to you!

There is having a different opinion and there is being wrong. Incorrect information is not an opinion - it is just wrong.

Oh FFS! What an absolute delight you are! I missed a comment on a 22 page thread that wasn’t part of the OP. You might have nothing better to do than read every single post but the rest of us have lives and other things to do! 😆

I do eat yoghurt, l have it for breakfast most days, I just don't like plain yoghurt. I don't like berries for breakfast but I do eat berries. I do eat eggs, but can't face them for breakfast. I love granola, but I eat it dry or with milk, not with plain yoghurt. I also eat instant porridge... but I don't believe anyone could mistake Readybrek for instant porridge.

If anything that makes you sound more fussy, not less!

When you're at someone else's house, you don't always get the breakfast options you would make yourself. The analogy someone used upthread of not drinking instant coffee at home but drinking it in a house where that's what coffee is is a good one. If you can't get past not having your preferred yoghurt flavour or preferred dairy product with your granola then that's fine, but you are very much not someone who 'eats anything', as the MiL described herself!

And there is clearly no one individual thing that would be everyone's 'normal' breakfast - including toast and cereal.

Can you not read? The OP offered toast and cereal.

I think that people are reading the OP's interesting posts and tbf she said a few posts in that, 'Our cereal section is centred around the baby so just Ready Brek and Weetabix at the moment.'

She also said that 'we tend not to eat processed foods' so that would seem to rule out a lot of things to put on the toast, which a lot of poeple would take for granted as normal I guess, like regular marmalade. (I wouldn't be expecting my relatives to necessarily share in my desire for organic minimally-processed goosegog jam on ancient grains seeded sourdough - I'd ask them in advance what they preferred, even and possibly especially the younger ones.)

Anyway, the OP got it all sorted in the end and came up with some good ideas, so it seems like all's well that ended well.

I didn't realise chickpeas were so controversial, this thread has been enlightening😁

You've posted over and over again, clearly you're not that short on time yourself.

And think of all the time you could have saved if you'd done a 'See All' of the OP's posts and/or looked at the posts quoting you and pointing out the toast thing - your last few posts would have been completely unnecessary.

She should have just eaten the chickpeas
and the salad dressing. That’s what adults do.
fhey eat stuff that they dont love to be polite when staying in someone’s home

Why is cereal a staple? Adults dont eat that stuff do they? Everyone knows it’s unhealthy/ processed rubbish and yoghurt/ eggs/fruit is a breakfast staple

Oh fuck off’ 😂

Yes, adults do eat cereal.

It sounds as if she avoids things that are 'complicated', mixes of foods, particularly in sauces. My DH always does meals for his tricky family that have different simple elements - like grilled chicken, rice, green salad, different salad bits, all with the dressing separate. Easier to start simple and build on what she likes.

But that's exactly the principle of eating tacos - which she didn't want!

I must admit I’ve eaten some really crap stuff at peoples houses to remain polite- this includes a friends really revolting ‘chilli ‘ with zero flavour at all and fatty mince and my FIL giving me a cheap ( and tiny) Iceland ready meal that wasn’t nice in the tray that I could eat in 4 forkfuls. I’m the kind of person who then says ‘that was lovely thanks’ ! Lol -I’ve mentioned on this thread already I don’t much like corn, stuff on skewers, tabbouleh , halloumi etc - I would certainly have eaten it though

Me too, @Crikeyalmighty - I still shudder when I think of having to force down liver casserole, at my mum’s friend's house. Mum had told her dsis and I hated liver, but she gave it to us anyway. Dsis couldn’t eat hers, but I felt compelled (by fear of what my mum would say if she was told I’d refused) to eat it. 🤢🤮

I don't think I know anyone who still eats boxed breakfast cereals as opposed to porridge/granola but the fact that they're still advertised and still have a whole supermarket section to themselves suggests that a lot of adults do eat them. IMO they either think they're healthy, don't care if they're healthy or not (more likely) or just, old habits die hard sort of attitude.