Is it unreasonable to be frustrated by a guest who says they eat anything when they actually don’t?

[funinthesun22]

My MIL is staying with us over the bank holiday. When I asked in advance what she’d like to eat, she said she eats anything and was happy to have whatever we usually have.

Friday dinner was a vegetable and chickpea but apparently she hates chickpeas and dried fruit in savoury food. Saturday breakfast (yogurt, granola, fruit) didn’t go down well either. I took her to M&S so she could pick things she’d enjoy, but she kept insisting she was fine and didn’t add anything to the basket until I said we’d planned tacos for dinner she said she didn’t know what that was and didn’t sound keen, so we bought an alternative dinner for her.

At lunch I made a salad with homemade dressing. She didn’t like the sound of the dressing and asked for salad cream which we didn’t have. I offered vinaigrette, olive oil, or mayo as alternatives but she turned them all down and had a plain salad. She also asked for a few additions we didn’t have, despite us having been in M&S two hours earlier offering to buy food. We’ve got a BBQ planned today and I’m hopeful now that I know more of her dislikes but still not entirely sure.

AIBU to find this frustrating? I genuinely don’t mind catering to a picky eater. I just need to know what she actually likes. But every time I ask, I get “I’ll eat whatever you’re having” when that’s clearly not the case.

That’s fine if you know what things are to your guest’s liking.

When somebody tells you that they will eat anything but they really mean anything they are familiar with, it makes it harder.

It's 35°C !

Not where I am it’s not!

This whole thread is based around the OP tried to find out what foods she likes and doesn’t like, the woman said she’d eat anything and now the OP is finding the hard way that the MIL doesn’t like lots of foods!

If you have a restricted diet, you do need to tell people. But annoyingly lots of people are like this, they just expect you to know. I think it’s because either a) they are surrounded by people who are used to their faddy eating, so are only presented with safe foods and it’s been years since they’ve experienced not wanting to eat something, meaning they genuinely believe they’d eat anything, or b) they know they are fussy but also believe being fussy is rude so want to appear polite until faced with something they can’t face eating. (Not realising it’s ruder to at that point make your host rush around trying to make you a different meal than the one they’ve already prepared, than it would have been to just say in advance what they do and don’t eat).

I could do steak and chips in the heat to be fair.

Not necessarily today 🤨

Assume there will be other occasions where OP will be feeding her MIL…

I think this is it. It's to some extent geographical and certainly class based, far more than generational. I am a middle class Londoner by background DPs ( late '70s) will eat and cook most things. Your description spumds like the way my Welsh grandparents ( born 1918 & 1919) ate. My GM on the other side was a real gormond and cooked and ate a huge range of foods.

Well, exactly. Lentils, which are pulses (and in the class of legumes) have been etane (cultivated and imported) in Britain since prehistoric times, along with a whole host of other foods. Had a bit of surge in popularity in Victorian times apparently, but have always been a staple. Other legumes have a long popular history in the UK too, like fresh peas and beans.

I've been eating hummus and falafel (chickpeas) since the 1980s.

Just can't eat pulses these days. That's a medical thing. Not age, not preference, not because I'm ill-travelled riff-raff or 'fussy'.

It’s only 33.5 here and I’m cooking a roast.

Regardless of age and ignoring medical and ND aversions for now, it's related to either how you are brought up, or how you choose to eat as adults, or both.

My parents and in-laws both grew up eating v traditional basic fare. But my parents got into chinese/curry/other world dishes in the 80s and so have always eaten a wide range. Saying that my dad is the first to say he is 'easy' with food, then will give you a list of things he doesn't like.

My FIL also thinks he is easy with food but in reality only eats meat/veg, never eats pasta or rice, and has no teeth so pasta would be perfect for him! Won't even try it. Only 'spice' in his diet is mustard.

Exactly. Until very recently meat would have been far too expensive for most people to eat much of it, certainly not at every meal.

My great-granny was widowed in her 40s or 50s while she still had several children at home. There is a family story of a terrible day when she had made a broth with a small piece of shin of beef in it for flavour, removed to a plate at the end of cooking and placed on the table, the plan being to slice it or more likely shred it so that everybody got a tiny bit to supplement the vegetables, beans, lentils and barley in the broth. A male visitor was asked to stay for the meal, out of politeness. He saw the beef on a plate, assumed it was a single serving, and took the whole thing.

The first thing that sprung to mind is how do you not already know what kind of food your mil likes?

Yet somehow the second thing to spring to mind wasn't 'I'll read the OP's posts to see if she explains.'

Why isn't your husband dealing with this? Presumably he knows what his mum likes to eat but can also tell her to actually express a preference for what she wants. Why is it your job to put up with her attitude?

Quite! My Mum (in her 80s) would absolutely eat chickpeas, curries, tacos etc etc, she'll try pretty much anything with the attitude of 'well if I don't like it I just won't have it again'.

And has Terrorvision on her car playlist. Conversely I have friends my own age who are far more into their 'traditional meat and 2 veg' foodstuffs.

I will always asks any guest what they want, and do a supermarket shop before they arrive, unless they prefer to come with me once they're here. I never eat breakfast cereals so absolutely would have to buy their preference in those, I wouldn't assume someone had salsa in their fridge (I very rarely do not have a huge dish of it on the go) for example.

I would think chickpeas were inoffensive to most people, they don't particularly taste of anything, but nor would I assume everyone would like them. However, if someone says they're not fussy/eat anything, I would absolutely think that a dish made with those was fine for them. I agree with the posters who are saying things such as she is coming from her own frame of reference, where chickpeas being a component of a dinner dish just does not exist!

I find this mentality hard to understand personally though. I know not everyone eats like me, I know a lot of humans and have eaten at various restaurants and events and people's houses. People eat different things. I struggle that not everyone knows that.

Pretty vacant was a brilliant track.
Have seen the Stones several times. All fantastic.
I remember also going to see Iggy Pop at Brixton academy. Very small venue. One of the best concerts I have ever been to. But importantly, unlike some of the younger members of the audience who I think were there because they had heard of him, the older ones actually knew the music.
As the adverts say, we were the noisy generation. And produced awesome music.
I also agree with you about a care home. God forbid. But the music would need to change for sure.

Yes maybe dm was influenced by her dps who hailed from there. I don’t think it was ever made more than once but I was a faddy child anyway who wouldn’t have eaten it and I wouldn’t now

It’s funny because I eat almost anything but fruit in savoury food is my nightmare, I just wouldn’t think of it in advance as I forget people enjoy that so wouldn’t enter my head to say I don’t like it.

Yoghurt as an option for breakfast has been a thing in my life for over 50 years and i'm pretty sure i live in the real world.

also well known in London.

Exactly, like toast or cereal. Maybe the odd cooked breakfast.

I think what the MIL has misunderstood is that if you say ‘I’ll eat anything’ then you actually have to eat what’s put in front of you, even if you don’t like or fancy it. I was once taken out for a meal with a large group of a family members friends in France to a fancy restaurant where the whole table ate from a communal meal, and the first course was snails, obviously I wasn’t keen but I tried them to show willing and they were bloody delicious, would I order them again, no, but sometimes you just have to eat things that maybe aren’t your favourite, it won’t kill you!

I'm sympathetic to the idea that it's easy to forget about the foods you don't eat because you do sort of mentally screen them out. But I am kind of bemused that a 60 something finds tacos unfamiliar

I don't think yoghurt and granola is any more complicated than cereal and milk, unless you're making your own granola? It's also no healthier!

It's a good thing the OP also had toast and cereal on offer, then.

I personally don't eat either unless the bread is spectacular, and probably would skip breakfast completely. And I do exist outside of Mumsnet. But I wouldn't complain after assuring my host I eat everything, either!