Accidentally made dh think his dm had died but is his reaction too much?

[accidentallyUpsetHim]

I really badly upset dh by accident yesterday and I feel awful but I think his reaction is really over the top? I have ADHD and I really often just blurt things out without even thinking he knows this and it’s how I’ve always been. I totally get that I should have stopped to think but my brain doesn’t work that way.

His mum has been really unwell in and out of hospital for months and currently in HDU very unwell. Her name is Judith.

I was on the phone to my sister yesterday and chatting and had a notification through about Judith chalmers dying. We used to watch the holiday programme as kids and I just blurted out to her ‘oh! Judith’s dead ! I’ve just seen on my phone ‘ to which dh jumped up and went white saying ‘what???’ And I said no no not your mum and apologised as he looked petrified and I felt awful. He went absolutely mad saying I don’t think before I speak and how he’s had enough of me doing things like this.?
He went out and hasn’t come back. He’s staying with his brother as he text me that he needs space and he’s still angry with me?

It was a complete mistake and I know emotions are running high and I feel terrible but I think he’s blown it all out of proportion or do I need to beg and grovel for forgiveness?

Do you feel really awful? You don't sound remotely contrite and are just doing the whole it's my ADHD that's just how I am thing

I don't think it is remotely an overreaction in the context of having thought OP was saying his mother was dead. Especially if this was only the latest in a long line of similarly thoughtless actions.

Sounds like he is taking his feelings out on you, which isn't okay.
I'd give him the silent treatment back til he calms down, as its nonsense that he'd have thought you meant his mum.

Context- my parents both have distinctive names and if I heard DH say 'oh no, Gladys is dead' there's no way I'd assume its my mum, as how could he know before me?!

Sorry OP I think you're wrong. Surely you'd say her full name?

Your DH's mother is ill and you blurt out she's dead? And now you're blaming your adhd like I'm guessing you often do given his reaction.

Also don't assume medication will solve your problems for you.

You still need to think before you speak.

💯

This is the first thing I thought of! 🤣🤣🤣 sorry not a funny situation for your oh but big brother legendary history!

OP has already said he was in the room. It's really impossible to avoid hearing what someone is saying in those circumstances.

Especially the unusual circumstances!

You seem to think you’re the victim in this. You’re not. You made your poor DH think his mum was dead. That’s fucking traumatic.

The silent treatment… how mature!

Don't be silly. In that situation you really don't stop to think logically. OP's husband is already going through the experience of his mother dying, and you want her to give him the silent treatment? You need to have a long hard look at yourself.

That's you. However, as OP herself has said, even her own sister thought OP was saying that her MIL had died

H e w a s i n t h e s a m e r o o m

It sound innocent but sounds suspicious - Judith charmers is not known colloquially in the public realm
as “Judith”

she isn’t that well known

only you know if you meant something else

This
I believe he will come to realise that it was a misunderstanding.

This

I can imagine this thread the other way round with the husband trying to blame it on ND

Learn new strategies OP

He misunderstood and overreacted. You didnt really do anything wrong. It wasnt an ADHD blurt, you were having a contextually relevant convo with someone else

But DH is likely terrified for his mum and over sensitive and panicked and now full flight mode.

So while I dont think you did something wrong, I would grovel a little just because I think hes vulnerable and worried

"Just because you've said sorry doesn't mean it doesn't hurt anymore"

Spot on

This, wonder how those who say “tosh tosh it’s adhd blurt! You can say whatever you want and he has to accept!! He’s NOT allowed to be upset or have feelings!!”
does it work both ways? Can he blurt out “god you’re an insensitive nightmare!”

Agree with all this. As another poster has said, this ain't the OP's first rodeo. Sounds like he needs space to reevaluate the relationship and whether to LTB

Sorry , you are right.
Somehow I’ve missed that.

Still an overreaction.
The OP wasn’t talking to him, and also : how long would have the confusion caused by the name lasted? We’re talking minutes, if not seconds.
It was immediately corrected.
It is not like he had been grieving his mother for hours, before the OP explained the unfortunate coincidence, and her error .

We all make mistakes. Yes it was an unfortunate one , but the OP is clearly remorseful , and has apologised.
And is willing to apologise again.

What more does he want?
Another man child.

OP, do you have speech cluttering? It's associated with ADHD.

People with speech cluttering get their words mangled, word order mixed up, speech comes out too fast. It's a bit like stammering, though a different condition.

I believe you when you say it wasn't intentional. It's unfortunate but not your fault.

.....do you really not see the difference here?