Accidentally made dh think his dm had died but is his reaction too much?

[accidentallyUpsetHim]

I really badly upset dh by accident yesterday and I feel awful but I think his reaction is really over the top? I have ADHD and I really often just blurt things out without even thinking he knows this and it’s how I’ve always been. I totally get that I should have stopped to think but my brain doesn’t work that way.

His mum has been really unwell in and out of hospital for months and currently in HDU very unwell. Her name is Judith.

I was on the phone to my sister yesterday and chatting and had a notification through about Judith chalmers dying. We used to watch the holiday programme as kids and I just blurted out to her ‘oh! Judith’s dead ! I’ve just seen on my phone ‘ to which dh jumped up and went white saying ‘what???’ And I said no no not your mum and apologised as he looked petrified and I felt awful. He went absolutely mad saying I don’t think before I speak and how he’s had enough of me doing things like this.?
He went out and hasn’t come back. He’s staying with his brother as he text me that he needs space and he’s still angry with me?

It was a complete mistake and I know emotions are running high and I feel terrible but I think he’s blown it all out of proportion or do I need to beg and grovel for forgiveness?

Yeah it’s always best to have the thread taken down when everyone tells you your behaviour was dreadful.

he said he can’t put up with somebody who doesn’t engage their brain before opening their mouth

To be honest I couldn’t live with somebody who was like that all the time either. I can understand why he’s so upset.

A complete underreaction on OP's part 🤷‍♀️

Give him some time and space. You gave him a massive shock and he needs to decompress.

I don't get why people are choosing to believe that that OP set out to intensionally hurt her husband and use ADHD as a reason to not apologised. It is right there in the OP, she corrected the mistake immediately and apologised. She has apologised to him.

Several people reacted the same way to your post, so I wouldn't get snippy with @VIII if I were you.

Yes this.
Judith's dead my backside I think you knew what you were saying.
Who calls a woman in her 90s from TV land by her first name when she randomly dies years after she's been on TV.when I think of all the celebrity death messages one has passed on to family and friends the only one where only the first name was used was Elvis.
I think you have behaved really strangely. Do you not like your DH or mil?

So insensitive on your part. And weird. Poor guy.

Yes, but he is still allowed to be hurting as a result and to deal with it his way, and OP needs to acknowledge this and that this pain is still her doing however unintentional.

I don’t get why everyone thinks op made a mistake, she didn’t she was having a conversation with a completely different person. He was listening in. If we all had to consider what everyone thought in the room we are in when having a conversation on the phone it would be a nightmare. It’s an unhappy coincidence but nothing more. I hope you don’t have children. I think he’s gaslighting you into thinking you’re a lot worse than you are because he made a mistake and overreacted and feels stupid I hope that doesn’t happen too often or your going to end up feeling like your adhd is a lot worse than it is.

You told him his mum was dead, and you think he over-reacted in shock? He should have just accepted it and said 'oh we all have to die in the end'?

While i understand ADHD, knowing the situation that was a really careless thing to say. I don't know who Judith Chalmers is but that is not really relevant. I understand him staying away at least temporarily and you should beg for forgiveness.

Nope that’s not gaslighting

I feel it's a bit of an overreaction tbh

If you do like your DH at all maybe you should speak to him instead of entertaining yourself on Mumsnet. He obviously has a reason for seemingly overreacting.

On the phone?
With her sister?

What telling somebody that the reality of a situation isn’t real isn’t gaslighting. I think you need to look it up.

Even your sister thinks you're unreasonable (or, quite frankly, a lot worse)

In that moment he thought his mother was dead. Have a bit of compassion.

It was very, very unfortunate that the name Judith came up on your phone and you blurted that out. No wonder he was upset. But a moment's reflection would make him realise that you could not have received a notification on your phone that HIS mum had died, and that if that did somehow happen, you would not have casually mentioned it to your friend rather than going to find him.
I would guess that there is something in your relationship that is upsetting and making him tense that is bigger than this one incident. I hope you find a way through together.

Rather tenuous “Judith (but conveniently forgot to say Chalmers) died” stretch there OP.
Totally believable.

Of course you didn't MEAN to hurt him. I'm sure you never ever MEAN to hurt anyone.

But you DO hurt people. Because you don't think before you speak.

Are you saying that your ADHD rules your life and you simply cannot accommodate other peoples feelings because of your ADHD? Because if this is so, you need therapy or medication or both

Exactly what I thought too!