Accidentally made dh think his dm had died but is his reaction too much?

[accidentallyUpsetHim]

I really badly upset dh by accident yesterday and I feel awful but I think his reaction is really over the top? I have ADHD and I really often just blurt things out without even thinking he knows this and it’s how I’ve always been. I totally get that I should have stopped to think but my brain doesn’t work that way.

His mum has been really unwell in and out of hospital for months and currently in HDU very unwell. Her name is Judith.

I was on the phone to my sister yesterday and chatting and had a notification through about Judith chalmers dying. We used to watch the holiday programme as kids and I just blurted out to her ‘oh! Judith’s dead ! I’ve just seen on my phone ‘ to which dh jumped up and went white saying ‘what???’ And I said no no not your mum and apologised as he looked petrified and I felt awful. He went absolutely mad saying I don’t think before I speak and how he’s had enough of me doing things like this.?
He went out and hasn’t come back. He’s staying with his brother as he text me that he needs space and he’s still angry with me?

It was a complete mistake and I know emotions are running high and I feel terrible but I think he’s blown it all out of proportion or do I need to beg and grovel for forgiveness?

Came here to say this. Similar story but far less entertaining. Sorry @accidentallyUpsetHim ‘s husband if this is is true, angie Bowie did it way better

So, in the same room, should he have a magical forcefield that stops him hearing his mum's name?

Stupid comment.

😂
Sorry ! Yes , I’ve missed that.

Still , if I may say, the OP wasn’t talking to him.
And the name confusion would have lasted seconds.
As traumatic as it seems to have been for the OP’s DH , it was cleared straight away, apologies made.

‘Apologies’ made then an instant “waahhh I’m the true victim mn thread!”

And I wish some of the judgmental posters on this thread cheerleading on the OP could live just one day with a dying parent. Oh hold on, no, I don't, because I'm not a dick

you were having a contextually relevant convo with someone else

No she wasn't. She was having a conversation about something else, and exclaimed 'Judith's dead!' when the notification came up on her phone. (Though I'm not sure how she could have been talking on her phone and looking at it at the same time.)

Another man child.

In what circumstances is a man allowed to have an emotional reaction to something, if his own mother dying isn't a good enough reason?

Good, I think, to have the viewpoint and experience of someone with ADHD posting on this thread

Yeah, but that's your ADHD answering, so you don't really mean it.

Are both of your parents still alive? Try to put yourself in his shoes. Being ND is not an excuse to be hurtful. Have you blurted out hurtful comments before (from his comment of saying he was fed up).

💯

It comes across as an outsider you sort of deliberately played it that way. Otherwise who refers to Judith Chalmers as just Judith. Very disrespectful and childish.

The OP wasn't being 'nasty'.

Sisters who watched programmes intently together when they were kids often have a shorthand language - my sister and I say things like 'very Angela' meaning Angela Chase.

Why would the OP have got a text about her mother-in-law dying - and talk about it to her sister first, while on the phone to her, instead of to her husband?

I'm totally aware of who's in the room with me when I'm having a conversation with someone on the phone. I think it's strange that you seem to think that's not possible 🤔

Completely not the same at all, but this made me think of the time when our cat was unwell, and it just so happened to be the same day that the Queen was also very unwell.
I went up to get ready for a shower and DH called up the stairs, “She’s dead!”
I flew down those stairs so fast thinking he meant our cat, when it was, in fact, the Queen who had died.

His mother didn’t die. He got the wrong end of the stick.
The thought she had died, as devastating as it was, was in his head for about 3 seconds before he was reassured , and the error explained.

He was emotional, naturally, but overreacted - big time.

I’m not surprised your DH is upset. It was a really insensitive thing to do.

Some of the excuses for the OP are plain weird. Is this another one of those situations where a woman can do no wrong? It sounds passive aggressive and contrived. OP isn't the oppressed one here.

Did he know you had this illness when he married you? If the answer is 'yes', he is unreasonable, if this is a recent diagnosis, he is also unreasonable, he has to cut you some slack for it.

Hmm, not quite.

She told her sister when he was in the room with her.

And no, she hasn't suggested he should say those words, or think that way about death.

But yes, she does think he's overreacting.

lol. this is actually quite funny. I feel for you OP you actually sound quite banterous

Precisely.

She thinks she's got a plausible excuse - except it isn't plausible at all.

You corrected it quickly and it didn’t leave him thinking the worst for more than a second. So yes, I think he over reacted to the fact you blurted it out. Is it possibly that your habit of doing this is far more irritating and upsetting in general than you think and this is just a stew that broke the camels back situation?

Whether people on mumsnet think you’re unreasonable or not is irrelevant. Your husband was upset by what you said given the context.

I would send a message further apologising, stating you didn’t intend to upset him and understand how thoughtless the remark was.

For what it’s worth, I think he is overreacting, you’ve apologised and it was a private conversation he overheard, it should just be left at that.

Another person that uses ADHD as a excuse for stupid behaviour!