Accidentally made dh think his dm had died but is his reaction too much?

[accidentallyUpsetHim]

I really badly upset dh by accident yesterday and I feel awful but I think his reaction is really over the top? I have ADHD and I really often just blurt things out without even thinking he knows this and it’s how I’ve always been. I totally get that I should have stopped to think but my brain doesn’t work that way.

His mum has been really unwell in and out of hospital for months and currently in HDU very unwell. Her name is Judith.

I was on the phone to my sister yesterday and chatting and had a notification through about Judith chalmers dying. We used to watch the holiday programme as kids and I just blurted out to her ‘oh! Judith’s dead ! I’ve just seen on my phone ‘ to which dh jumped up and went white saying ‘what???’ And I said no no not your mum and apologised as he looked petrified and I felt awful. He went absolutely mad saying I don’t think before I speak and how he’s had enough of me doing things like this.?
He went out and hasn’t come back. He’s staying with his brother as he text me that he needs space and he’s still angry with me?

It was a complete mistake and I know emotions are running high and I feel terrible but I think he’s blown it all out of proportion or do I need to beg and grovel for forgiveness?

Peak Mums Net

@LuckyHazelFox You do realise we can see the version you posted before you swiftly corrected it 😂

Yes I do know. I missed off a d on a word. You do realise there is a pedants' corner on MN? I understand correct spelling and grammar is way more important to you than a man's shock at thinking his mum had just died.

Did you miss the part where OPs dying MIL is called Judith?

And another thing: sometimes nobody is the bad guy in a situation.
It's not OP's fault she's like this, nor is it her dh's fault he can't stand it.

I remember my former housemate had forgotten to pay his car tax.
He got clamped.
On top of this, he'd parked in a permit only space so he got a fine for that, too.

I sorted it out for him as to be fair he used to help me out but I can only imagine how his now wife must be constantly exasperated at him.

its got nothing to do with ADHD nothing at all. you say he overreacted that’s got nothing to do with ADHD that’s you being totally insensitive and minimising your error

He still got fined but there were reductions if the fine was paid early and money could be claimed back for the clamping.
He'd just have not done it.

No you're not alone. Kylie is the pint sized antipodean pop goddess, end of 😀

It's kind of depressing that anyone would think of Jenner first!

I was giving my view of what happened. Which I found unpleasant for her husband.
Her post made me sorry for him.

I find some of the things that people have said on this post really quite astonishing.

• He's 'gone off in a sulk'. Is it possible that hasn't left to prove a point, score a point, etc, but genuinely can't be with OP right now and needs time out?
• He shouldn't have been 'eavesdropping'. So OP is having a convo within his earshot and he overhears?
• He shouldn't have jumped to conclusions. Posters are rationalising repeatedly, why did he think this, why did he assume that, etc etc etc. This is a man whose mother is dying. Can't he be excused for perhaps jumping to the wrong conclusion when he hears his mother's name?

I think you’re getting a bit of a hard time here OP. Judith Chalmers was obviously a popular tv presenter in your family and I’ve referred to famous people I like a lot by their first names and my family have known who I meant. ADHD isn’t being used as an excuse. It’s being used as an explanation. It was an unfortunate combination of events and your husband is understandably very stressed and upset about his mum. I think all you can do is apologise and give him some time, and try not to be too hard on yourself.

Your poor husband 😢

This ND people don't have to change just to suit NT people.
but bet you don’t agree the reverse!

@Monty36 That's reasonable of course. I was just trying to rebalance the thread. I suspect some of the posts are from bots, which would tend to raise the overall temperature.

I agree. I got the notification too and said to my husband Judith Chalmers has died. She was well known when we were young but always known by her full name.Nevrr just Judith. I'm not surprised your husband was upset

Totally agree.

The man needs peace, quiet and calm.

Probably the straw that broke the camel's back.

For both their sakes, he should probably stay away for good.

How many Judiths do you know? I only of Judith Chalmers

There were 2 in my class at school. It was a fairly usual name in that era.
It's become less popular over the past decades.

Yeah. I think it's really odd that you would say Judith has died when your partners mum is called Judith and currently really ill in HDU.
That sounds like you are extremely insensitive and unthinking at best, and I'd be suspecting that it was malicious

Bots? Why because those responses aren’t “what a bastard he is you poor love!!”
confused by the need to “rebalance the thread” do you mean, “why should people be able to have a different opinion than mine!!”

There were 2 in my class at school. It was a fairly usual name in that era.
It's become less popular over the past decades

Google tells me it was in the top 30 in the 50/60s so there were a lot about.
Many shortened to Judy I expect.

@PoppinjayPolly It's not about whether the majority of posts are supportive or critical.

There's a flattening of tone - with different posters making the same points in similar ways, without the variation in phrasing and tone within positions that we used to see even three or four years ago.

And it means the thread as a whole lacks texture, provides a flatter overall perspective, and the conversation doesn't feel as if it's moving forward.

It sounds as if this incident is the 'nail in the coffin', to what is a long line of incidents of a similar nature. Yes, your husband may have over-reacted but it's because he's upset about his Mum being poorly and the fact you say things without thinking, it's made that reaction worse.

I've had a brain injury OP, and it means I simply say what I am thinking on occasions. I would never deliberately upset someone. However, I know I can do this, and therefore it means I have to make myself think before I open my mouth. Yes, it can be emotionally draining at times, because I have to work out if what I want to say, might upset someone. I have social awareness though, and perhaps that makes a difference, is that something you struggle with? You need to seek some professional help, from someone who may be able to help you with strategies. I absolutely appreciate it must be difficult for you, but you have to understand the impact of your behaviour too.

All you can do is profoundly apologise. You need to actively seek some help though too, to at least try and help yourself.

At no point did she say hes waiting to hear if she's died.

Oh FFS this bot thing again. 🙄

Assumptions. We often refer to celebrities in our household just by their first name. For instance recently it hs been katie -price, venezuela, Paris, tyson -fury, val-kilmer, jack- black. And anyone who was very "big" in our family would be Alan-Davies, Michael-Jaclson, David- Tenant.