Accidentally made dh think his dm had died but is his reaction too much?

[accidentallyUpsetHim]

I really badly upset dh by accident yesterday and I feel awful but I think his reaction is really over the top? I have ADHD and I really often just blurt things out without even thinking he knows this and it’s how I’ve always been. I totally get that I should have stopped to think but my brain doesn’t work that way.

His mum has been really unwell in and out of hospital for months and currently in HDU very unwell. Her name is Judith.

I was on the phone to my sister yesterday and chatting and had a notification through about Judith chalmers dying. We used to watch the holiday programme as kids and I just blurted out to her ‘oh! Judith’s dead ! I’ve just seen on my phone ‘ to which dh jumped up and went white saying ‘what???’ And I said no no not your mum and apologised as he looked petrified and I felt awful. He went absolutely mad saying I don’t think before I speak and how he’s had enough of me doing things like this.?
He went out and hasn’t come back. He’s staying with his brother as he text me that he needs space and he’s still angry with me?

It was a complete mistake and I know emotions are running high and I feel terrible but I think he’s blown it all out of proportion or do I need to beg and grovel for forgiveness?

Or maybe the husband is the princess 🤔

youd laugh if you thought your mum was dead because of your partners blurting?

Surely to goodness if Judith is a name in your family you wouldn't do this? I'm team DH

I agree that she was a household name back then, however, I knew a lot of other Judiths so I totally disagree.

Les Dawson was a big name then.
I still wouldn't refer to him as 'Les'.

Noel’s house party too.

Yes very princesses like of him to think his mum had just died. If roles were reversed you'd be telling the OP he was being an insensitive dick.

I wouldn’t it take it as malicious and flounce out the house, no. I’d also feel relieved.

So am I.
This is bloody ridiculous. Sorry. I mean who the heck-unless a close personal friend, member of her family- would just say 'Judith'.

This has got to be one of the oddest threads I've seen here.

I wouldn’t be at all. I’d say phew, feel relieved, and understand it was a mistake. That would be the end of it.
(I hope that wasn’t too long winded for your lazy reading self)

Yes, I was very familiar with her from TV progs. back then, but that was decades ago now. I doubt that many young people would ever even have heard of her - any more than my dds would know who the hell Daphne Oxenford was (from Listen with Mother when I was small.)

Great to see you view twat behaviour the same for both sexes. A free pass until you are personally affected.

You really don't know how you would feel in this situation. I simply don't believe it would be as easy as that to get over it, because it would feel like a massive shock which has physical effects in terms of heart rate etc, and can feel literally as if you've been hit. And in this situation, you wouldn't just say "phew" and forget about it, because you would know perfectly well that it's only a matter of time before the real thing happens.

Or that she does it again soon. Blurts something out. He is highly sensitive at the moment and just can’t take it.

Exactly but we mustn't upset the OP any further.

@Monty36 'If you meant to say Judith Chalmers is dead you would say that. Her full name.... You were causing a drama and I think you knew it'.

You sound very confident that you know what the OP's intentions were, and her speech patterns, when you cannot possibly know.

Your post is accusatory and unpleasant.

I'm staggered at the number of people saying 'nobody ever uses a first name unless it's Madonna'. Families have their own short-hands and slang. Sisters have known each other their whole lives. The fact that you wouldn't know doesn't mean the sister wouldn't know; and the conversation was not meant to be three-way.

It's saddening that so many posts are uninformatively adding to a pile-on - and no, they aren't just being straightforward or 'saying it as it is'. Partly wilful misinterpretation, or something else?

AIBU was always astringent, but it used to have a brisk tone which was nevertheless constructive and sounded real.

It now reeks of oddly-misaligned contempt, as well as more contributions having dramatically worse spelling and grammar.

Perhaps not, but perhaps they would like successful and mutual relationships that can be sustained. OPs partner sounds like he is at the end of his tether with her. So she either develops skills that can enable a successful relationship and social interactions with others or she finds herself on her own. Her choice.

Lots of perfect people here that have never put a foot wrong. They can have a 🏅

Did you and your sister always refer to judith charmers as judith? Did your sister know who you meant?

I too found this quite odd. She's not been around for years. Nobody I know would just say Judith without the surname.

Totally agree with this.
OP is trying to make it all about her.
You would say the name Judith Chalmers if you were talking about about her death. Not refer to her as Judith as though she is the neighbour up the road or your MIL who has been very unwell and needing admission to HDU.
It’s not the DH’s reaction that’s “too much”. It’s the OP’s ignorance and insensitivity that’s “too much”. But of course let’s blame it on ADHD. 🙄

How many Judiths do you know? I only of Judith Chalmers.

Oddly-misaligned contempt yet you're sneering at posters' spelling and grammar.

Something tells me if the situations were reversed and the husband had done this you would be telling OP get a grip.

I'd say that this was unbelievable but having briefly cohabited with a male housemate like OP it isn't.
It's just f*ing constant grief and hassle. It's exhausting being in the same room as them.

I'd literally tidy a room and next day it would be a mess.
I used to be incredulous at this. He'd literally chuck rubbish on the floor. The bin is a foot away. Ffs.

Please I realise that maybe OP can't help it, but I'm talking about from the perspective of somebody sharing a living space with somebody like this and yes I can totally understand why he stormed out.

It is just one thing after the other. Chaos. Chaos. Chaos.

Are you quite well my love? Too much time in the sunshine? 😎

Context matters, sounds her DH is fed up with the recurrence of these types of things and perhaps he thinks she makes little effort to address how she interacts with people.

In the circumstances I can sympathise with him being very upset.