AIBU to feel annoyed my son gave his friend's mum the wrong impression?

[Merryoldgoat]

I think I’m being grouchy but my son has irritated me and I need a reality check. To be clear there’s not been any big argue anything but I need to see if my reaction is unreasonable.

He is 13 and has ASD - he travels to school independently and sometimes gets the bus homes with a friend and friend’s mum.

He gets £8 a week pocket money and £50 a month for his special interest. Last month he wanted something really expensive so DH said he’d lend him the additional £5 but would owe it from the following month’s £50. All good.

This morning he’s handed me £3 and asked if I could put it on his card. I asked where he got it. His friend’s mum gave him £5 because he explained he was ‘in debt’ to his dad.

He didn’t explain how this ‘debt’ came about and now this woman thinks we’re these awful parents who makes out young teen pay back small amounts of money.

AIBU to be annoyed that he gave zero context and to really not like how this parent will perceive us?

I don’t normally care what people think tbh, but this has really irritated me.

I'd be irritated with the parent not your child. I mean ideally he wouldn't discuss finances outside the family, but what on earth was she doing giving him £5!

I'd be tempted to take it back to her and say that it's all a bit awkward but that your son shouldn't have accepted money from her, and that you're teaching your son good budgeting habits.

Why the heck did she give him money! How is it any of her business? How odd. I’d be giving that money back with a very clear explanation. And tell him not to take any money again!

Ha, I think all kids have their moments of being chancers don't they! I'd give the mum the £5 back and say "hey, I think Billy gave you the wrong idea the other day - he's not in debt, we're teaching him about budgeting and he "borrowed" from next week's allowance!" She'll get it!

I’d give the money back and explain that we’re trying to teach him about sensible money use so he owed £5 above his usual generous pocket money.

Yes just give the money back and explain he had £5 of his allowances early. It wasn’t appropriate for her to offer the money regardless of what yarn he told her. Although if he has ASD he may h e communicated it badly unintentionally

Give it back to her and explain. She shouldn’t have given it to him.

£82 a month is a lot!

Oh she’s DEFINITELY getting the money back! Unfortunately I don’t do pick up or drop off but I will give it to him to return when he’s back at school.

I am irritated with the mum too but she doesn’t know our situation at all and if she was worried he was/we are in dire straits or something I can see the impulse is kind.

They go to a specialist ASD school so his friend also has ASD though so you’d think perhaps she’d get that they aren’t always the best narrators…

I'd go back to her and see what happened, it could be that he was stressed out of his head about the "debt", could be he pleaded poverty, could be she gave them £5 each to go to the shops and when he was giving her the change she said keep it and he said that's great I'll put it towards my debt. But no harm you understanding the circumstances and if needs be say he actually "borrowed" off next months bonus, he's still getting pocket money every week.

Yeah, same as PPs, I’d drop off a fiver today and explain the context briefly.

The irony being that you're believing his narration about how he got the money off her.....

If MASSES of money. The reasons for so much is he does zero activities and the only thing he likes is modelling (Warhammer type things) and we figured if he played football etc we’d be paying that out anyway.

The £50 has strict limits on what it cane be spent on so he only gets it for the specific purpose.

Just say thank you. I've often spent money on my kids friends. Its not that deep

You need to contact her and explain. It's actually so strange she would give him money but even stranger you didn't immediately text her to acknowledge.

I’d do it myself. Rather than giving it to him to give to the friend to give to her. The context will definitely get lost in translation that way.

If the cash finds its way to her at all!

Is it really? I was given £50 a month twenty years ago as a teenager. My mother made sure I had the essentials (clothes, lunch money, toiletries etc.) and the £50 was for extras such as shopping days out with friends, make up, magazines, snacks, train or bus fares etc. That was easily spent twenty years ago, £82 is roughly £20 a week. It's not a lot in today's prices.

I suppose I mean he accurate but leaves out context. He’s doesn’t lie but won’t volunteer more truth because he doesn’t understand why you don’t know.

@Merryoldgoat thats my point, don't be irritated at the mum until you've spoken to her and gotten the context.

If I give him the money to return it will definitely get back. He is not manipulative or dishonest.

He’s just very black and white and has some lack of understanding of appropriate social interaction (obviously).

Yes you are right. Thank you.

I don’t know her at all. They are at a specialist high school for autistic children. About 90% of kids are taxied in and a very small number travel independently.

Also, my son doesn’t have a phone so I have no way of contacting them without school’s assistance and it’s half-term.

That's not the point people are making. We are saying that you as the parent should be talking to the other mother to clarify the situation.

I’ve said repeatedly I have no way to contact her right now.

Your autistic son travels independently on public transport with no phone? What if something happened him...

You said it once... while I was cross-posting

Calm down love

@Merryoldgoat She was trying to be kind. Don't be mad at her- just explain the situation.