AIBU to feel annoyed my son gave his friend's mum the wrong impression?

[Merryoldgoat]

I think I’m being grouchy but my son has irritated me and I need a reality check. To be clear there’s not been any big argue anything but I need to see if my reaction is unreasonable.

He is 13 and has ASD - he travels to school independently and sometimes gets the bus homes with a friend and friend’s mum.

He gets £8 a week pocket money and £50 a month for his special interest. Last month he wanted something really expensive so DH said he’d lend him the additional £5 but would owe it from the following month’s £50. All good.

This morning he’s handed me £3 and asked if I could put it on his card. I asked where he got it. His friend’s mum gave him £5 because he explained he was ‘in debt’ to his dad.

He didn’t explain how this ‘debt’ came about and now this woman thinks we’re these awful parents who makes out young teen pay back small amounts of money.

AIBU to be annoyed that he gave zero context and to really not like how this parent will perceive us?

I don’t normally care what people think tbh, but this has really irritated me.

Have you actually read the thread?

Chill out! You're making a fuss about nothing. Maybe they all stopped for an ice cream and he had to explain (badly) that he was out so she gave him a fiver then he spent some. I'd do that for any kid out with me. Or depending on age just buy for them .
You're reading too much into it. If you are embarrassed just mention it next time you see them but don't get your knickers in a twist. I doubt they thought anything of the sort

I have an autistic son as well. He's only allowed to give his number to friends I have approved of. That way he can call me and I can call him and he can keep in touch with friends. He doesn't have many which makes it even more important. Many parents are not involved in their teens socialising and won't call parents so he would miss out on all social contacts.

"He's only allowed to give his number to friends I have approved of"
😬

Sorry yes I missed this but I would imagine she can find out.

How would you suggest I do that in half term, with no contact details at all?

This - your DS probably didn't explain properly and she trying to be helpful and kind to your DS.

Put the money in an envelope with a little note explaining the situation. You can then give it to your DS to pass on to the mum.

You didn’t read the thread did you? I’m not trying to a cunt but given a thread has run to 6 pages it’s worth a check of at least the OP’s posts.

This is something that would definitely have happened to my autistic child - and me as a child too (and my mother would have hit the roof). Unfortunately being articulate but having social communication differences can lead to misunderstandings like this. Your son wasn’t trying to humiliate you.

The other mother, though…I’d watch that one.

It's the mother who you should be giving it back to directly along with a conversation about why it was inappropriate.

Again, it’s worth reading at least my posts on a 6 page thread.

I thought I had. I had seen everything about OP handing the money back, but nothing about enclosing a note. Is there another mention of enclosing a note? If there is a post about this, please can you point it out to me? And actually, you are being a cunt, but I am sure you are very much aware of this. Do you not understand how to be polite?

@BooneyBeautiful

I’m really not trying to be but it’s hard not to say ‘did you bother reading my posts?’ without sounding like one.

It’s frustrating when OPs don’t respond to threads so I try to stay engaged if people have genuine questions. So to get notifications on a basically resolved thread suggesting the very thing I’d said I was doing ages ago is irritating. And yes, it might make me a bit cunty, but you are at least the third person to suggest this after I said it’s exactly what I’m doing.

OK.

What do you think autism is?

Sickneaa and disorder are not synonyms. I've never in all my time as an nhs healthcare employee, a parent of an ASD child or a human being see asd described anywhere as a sickness.

YABU to be annoyed with your son. Firstly, at 13 he won’t have any idea about the adult inferences involved in the situation. He was completely truthful. It’s not HIS fault if an adult incorrectly infers that you’re a rubbish parent, and equally, it’s not his fault if YOU incorrectly infer that the other parent thinks you are a rubbish parent (which could also be the case… she might’ve just handed over a fiver without giving any deeper thought to it).
That said, she shouldn’t really have done it, as she is interfering with the lesson you’re trying to teach your child. I’d just give the money back to her and explain the was a misunderstanding.

Unpleasant?

This.