AIBU to keep my Monday off rather than swap for a new parent?

[Orangeducks]

I have 3 children 10, 8 and 4. When my eldest was born, I reduced my hours at work to 4 days which worked well. Several other parents have done the same. My colleague is returning to work from mat leave and has been offered a day off but its a Wednesday as they can't cover any other day (customer facing) and she was complaining how other members of staff have had the more desirable Mon/Fri off for many years and they should give that up for new parents. She wasn't talking directly to me but I felt she was annoyed I wouldn't give up my Monday off because my children are 'grown up'. I feel that I have built my life around a Monday off and have so much going on in the week running around after my kids that I still need it. Moreover I have no plans to return to full time as I enjoy the work/life balance and we make financial sacrifices to allow this and I am on a permanent 4 day contract.
Am I being unreasonable to not give up my day for her?

Not unreasonable no. Actually Wednesdays is a good day. She never works more than two days in a row.

You are not unreasonable
She should have had children years ago if she wanted different non-working days!

I would not give up a non working Monday nor Friday

Of course not. How rude of her to try and guilt trip people into changing days with her.

I'd roll my eyes and not hide it. Her passive aggressive complaints would only strengthen my resolve not to be flexible. "if you're not fast, you're last!"

LOL how are your children "grown up"? She's nuts.

On the flip side, you never get the benefit of a bank holiday. Maybe point that out to her

No. Your working pattern is established and there is no need for you to change it.

It's a shame that she can't have the exact working pattern that she might prefer, but that's one of those things. She can either accept what's on offer, negotiate something better or quit and find another job. It isn't your problem.

Grown up, they are still primary school age. I would ignore her and carry on.

I had Wednesday’s off when I went back from maternity leave and it was really nice. DS was never in childcare for more than two consecutive days and we had a lovely day together mid week when most places were much quieter.

Yanbu to keep Monday if that's what works for you. I think Wednesday is the perfect day to have off, it's like having a mini weekend in the middle of the week and you never work more than 2 days in a row. I am sure your colleague will grow to enjoy it.

Just make sure that "whole team" meetings and events are scheduled fairly to ensure that no team member is more adversely affected than others.

YANBU. When I did a 4 day week I did not work on a Wednesday, by choice. It was great as I only ever worked 2 days in a row and it felt like having 2 Fridays.

No, stick with it. It’s irrelevant that your children are grown up. Is not your problem that she’s not happy about it.

For some babies and toddlers, it's harder having different days off in a row. My friend has grandparents and nursery on and off over four days, and her son is definitely the least settled.

But that's not the OP's fault or problem. It's really unprofessional to bitch about what others have when arrangements like this are first-come-first-served.

I don’t think you should have to swap but as a side note I have a Wednesday off and I wouldn’t swap it for a Monday or a Friday. I only ever work 2 days in a row. The 4 days together seems far worse to me.

Yanbu, she's being incredibly rude. Other people's established patterns are none of her business and it's laughable that she considers your children "grown up". I actually really liked having a Wednesday off when mine were at nursery because it meant they didn't have to do more than 2 days in a row.

Thanks everyone, I was just checking whether it was unreasonable that I have had one of the most desirable day off for a long time and whether I should let her have it but I feel that it just my established working pattern and I have built my family life around it. She also alluded to the fact that people who were 4 days with older children should return to full time to free up others to have those days but again, I dont want to be full time. We are happy with my 4 days and even when my children are older, I dont want to return to full time. Is thay unreasonable?

Tell her Wednesdays off is a dream! I used to work 4 days a week with the Wednesday off and it was great, never worked more than 2 days in a row, breaking the week up was fantastic. A Monday or Friday off, the day just gets sucked into the weekend. I know someone else who had Wednesdays off an she agreed it was surprisingly preferable to Monday or Friday.

Also, you are not being unreasonable and she massively is! The cheek!

A very entitled lady. I would not give up my day off. I would not explain to her either. She sounds full of her own self importance.

Tuesday or Wednesday are much better days off

Well she seems entirely focused on her own situation and blind to anyone else’s life.

A bit different but I work from home 1 day per week and over the years I’ve changed days and by far my favourite was a Thursday.

I’m a Monday these last few years and it regularly clashes with Bank Holidays.

Definitely don’t give up your Monday - I gave up my Fridays on some weeks (Fridays are when most of my friends don’t work, when I had the gym, slimming world, lunch out with my mum, an established routine for 7 years) for a Wednesday. Nothing I like doing happens on a Wednesday, no one I like is available then and I feel stressed out with a two days weekend when my mind and body has been used to three days for years. Like almost a decade. I have put on a stone and got an irritable bladder. If your colleague wants Monday off she has to work somewhere else.

Not unreasonable. I’m another who used to have Wednesdays off though and it was much preferable to a Monday or Friday. At least with working Mondays you sometimes get the additional bank holidays as well as your mid-week day off. Of If I could choose I’d still opt for the Wednesday off so I think you’re both missing a trick personally! Maybe you could offer to switch and look like the hero whilst secretly doing it for yourself?!

Midway is the best day by far to have as your day off (from a BH point of view) so definitely don't give it up

It’s the opposite IME. The ones who are in nursery back to back long days tend to be very tired and cranky by the end of the week whereas the ones who have a break in the middle seem to manage a bit better.

Anyway obviously YANBU OP but IMO Monday is the worst day to have off with small children so you may have done her a favour.

This sounds like it could go on and on for years. Her being a pain about how she has a child and how other people should make sacrifices to accommodate her. I’m irritated on your behalf.

You’ve got three kids and you are right in the worst time! After school activities, homework, parties, stupid costumes, play dates.