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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a bit annoyed my trip has been hijacked?

301 replies

HardyPlumEagle · 21/05/2026 14:55

I had a day out planned for Saturday, I was going to get up early and go, have a picnic for lunch and such. I was happy to go alone.

DS (young adult) asked if he could come along with me, of course I said. He often does.
Ds girlfriend then asked DS if she could also come as she has never been. Again no problem.

The issue is DS girlfriend works Friday night so she is not going to want to be up early and they have asked me to book a much later train not getting to the place till 2pm so she can sleep (which is fair enough) but I feel sidelined.
What was supposed to be a nice day out has turned into two hours at most.
It is quite a distance on multiple trains and DS is not confident with the journey alone or I would go and let them come later.

Aibu to be a bit pissed about this or should I just suck it up so as to be seen as welcoming to my ds girlfriend?
Also usually if I was going with just DS I would pay for his fare. Am I supposed to pay for GF too?
This is the first time I am dealing with girlfriends and such.
DS girlfriend did take out DS on a trip in their car for the day but my train fare will in effect triple.

OP posts:
MikeRafone · 21/05/2026 18:03

I was creating stress for no reason and that it would be enough time

its your day out, its not for others to decide if its enough time - that is incredibly entitled and dismissive of you. They invited themselves, you welcome them and then they pull this....

Stompythedinosaur · 21/05/2026 18:13

It's fine for them to join you, but not for them to dictate a big change to your plans.

Go early and let them join you later. Surely a young adult can manage a train journey, even with changes? My 15yo could manage that fine, and there'll be two of them.

Grapefruitwarrior · 21/05/2026 18:14

Can they meet you there maybe they can get some sort of discounted duo tickets?

viques · 21/05/2026 18:16

Nice that they wanted to join you. I get you say DS isn’t confident travelling independently , however he is a young adult and needs to learn how to get about , if he is with his gf then that’s a great opportunity to develop confidence and skill.

I would go when you had planned and tell them to make their own way and call you when they arrive. If they don’t turn up you will still have the day you originally planned on your own, if they turn up then you can have a couple of hours all together.

krustykittens · 21/05/2026 18:19

I am glad you are going without them, OP, they were very cheeky to hijack your day out like that and I wouldn't fancy being a third wheel either. Draw your boundaries now. My DD dated a lad in school she ended up going out with for six years and we were far too easy going in the beginning. It got to the stage where he would turn up to everything we were doing, on the assumption he was invited and it was also assumed we would pay for everything, even when they left school and started working. Because she didn't split up with him, we felt too awkward to redraw boundaries as it would have come across as a rejection of him. She was planning on marrying him so we didn't want to cause any resentment. It was our own stupid faults, but never again!

BillieWiper · 21/05/2026 18:19

You don't believe your son and his gf would be confident enough to make their own way there? Unless they're under about 15 or have SEN I don't see why they'd struggle to do it?

Surely you could meet them at the venue after you've wandered around for a couple of hours alone?

TheSoapyFrog · 21/05/2026 18:19

I think you need to tell DS that you are sticking to your original plan and that if it doesn't suit him or his gf, they can give it a miss and you all can arrange something for another time.
Being ND, and being in a family full of ND people, I do get how overwhelming public transport can be. My offer would be that, if they wanted to meet you there, you will write out very detailed instructions on how they can book and pay for tickets, train times, changes, and platforms etc. But you will need to encourage DS to start working towards building his confidence on trains etc. There will come a time when he will need to use it, but will have to rely solely on himself.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 21/05/2026 18:23

The compromise is that she gets up and goes at the time that is planned. Assuming she's fairly healthy that shouldn't be an issue?

Is there not a train between the 2?

BrightLightTonight · 21/05/2026 18:33

Keep to your original plans - they have to fit in with you, and if that means getting up early, that’s what they have to do

Lobelia123 · 21/05/2026 18:36

This is ridiculous. So what if shes working Friday night - shes young, a late night followed by an early start arent going to kill her. This is a case of FIFO - fit in or fuck off. You have a great day planned, if she wants to join in shes welcome but must make the effort

MovedlikeHarlowinMonteCarlo · 21/05/2026 18:38

The cheek of your son deciding that going later will be enough time. It's not his bloody decision.

Mcdhotchoc · 21/05/2026 18:43

As the parent of adult kids, don't.
Matter of fact to DS.
" I had already planned the day. I was happy for you to come, and your gf too. I am not changing the entire day to suit you.
I want to go for a day out, not a couple of hours. That doesn't suit you. I am not being difficult or awkward. Just being clear.

TheDenimPoet · 21/05/2026 18:55

PepsiBook · 21/05/2026 14:58

I'd be happy they wanted to join me.
Good opportunity to bond with his gf.
If the times done suit, tell them.
Would it really hurt you to pay for his gf as a one off? This may be your future daughter in law.

Edited

If he's too young to be getting the train confidently alone, I doubt they're at an age where they'll be lasting partners.

vanessashanessa99 · 21/05/2026 18:59

HardyPlumEagle · 21/05/2026 15:10

Thank you everyone.
I have suggested we go another day so that we could have more time and was told I was creating stress for no reason and that it would be enough time.

I have no objection to paying for DS or his girlfriend and if I had invited them I absolutely would have but my day out has turned into a suggested couple of hours for nearly £100 instead of the £30 I would have paid alone and they invited themselves.

There are medical factors which affect why DS wouldn't be confident with the journey alone. I have suggested he come later with her but he wants to travel together.

Stop letting him dictate a day you planned. JUST GO Have your day alone. Stop pandering to a bloody man who can drive & can do it at a time and day that suits them ffs. "Creating stress" oh piss off.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 21/05/2026 19:07

Say you’re leaving at this time so I can have a full day especially with the long journey and they’re welcome to meet you?

Butterme · 21/05/2026 19:11

vanessashanessa99 · 21/05/2026 18:59

Stop letting him dictate a day you planned. JUST GO Have your day alone. Stop pandering to a bloody man who can drive & can do it at a time and day that suits them ffs. "Creating stress" oh piss off.

Edited
Show quote history

I don’t think he can drive and will be taking the train with OP.

But I agree with you that OP shouldn’t let him dictate her day.

I’m sure if he and the gf really wanted to go, they could get the train together and meet OP there.

The gf is able enough to have a Friday night job and so I’m sure together they could work it out.

pictoosh · 21/05/2026 19:12

Responding by telling you that you are creating stress would be the nope factor for me. It's the implication that obviously you will accommodate the demand and not doing so is unreasonable.
Err...no.
A couple of hours for £100 versus all day for £30 without anyone else to consider. He has to understand. He's welcome along on your plan, otherwise no.

Plsudb · 21/05/2026 19:12

“The fifteen year old you have to wonder if he was fit for trial. Their learning difficulties / ADHD were assessed as being in the bottom 1% for their age”

well, the person was apparently fit to be out without supervision, so therefore, he is suitable for trial. Can’t have it both ways.

FreyaW · 21/05/2026 19:19

HardyPlumEagle · 21/05/2026 14:55

I had a day out planned for Saturday, I was going to get up early and go, have a picnic for lunch and such. I was happy to go alone.

DS (young adult) asked if he could come along with me, of course I said. He often does.
Ds girlfriend then asked DS if she could also come as she has never been. Again no problem.

The issue is DS girlfriend works Friday night so she is not going to want to be up early and they have asked me to book a much later train not getting to the place till 2pm so she can sleep (which is fair enough) but I feel sidelined.
What was supposed to be a nice day out has turned into two hours at most.
It is quite a distance on multiple trains and DS is not confident with the journey alone or I would go and let them come later.

Aibu to be a bit pissed about this or should I just suck it up so as to be seen as welcoming to my ds girlfriend?
Also usually if I was going with just DS I would pay for his fare. Am I supposed to pay for GF too?
This is the first time I am dealing with girlfriends and such.
DS girlfriend did take out DS on a trip in their car for the day but my train fare will in effect triple.

I'd just say,.. this isn't going to work for me, better postpone it until a tine wheb GF isn't working late on the Fri.. and go ahead with your original plan

ZenNudist · 21/05/2026 19:19

Don't be a martyr. Go on the timetable you wanted and don't pay for them. You won't look a twat.

Pinkissmart · 21/05/2026 19:21

They have a car? Can’t they drive?

3luckystars · 21/05/2026 19:25

Go earlier with your son and tell her she can follow you down if she wants to.

OhThePotential · 21/05/2026 19:44

Go on your own as planned, tell both of them that if they can’t do the early train they can’t come.

I don’t believe someone who had planned a day out alone is being so wet about this.

Brokentoes85 · 21/05/2026 19:45

HardyPlumEagle · 21/05/2026 15:10

Thank you everyone.
I have suggested we go another day so that we could have more time and was told I was creating stress for no reason and that it would be enough time.

I have no objection to paying for DS or his girlfriend and if I had invited them I absolutely would have but my day out has turned into a suggested couple of hours for nearly £100 instead of the £30 I would have paid alone and they invited themselves.

There are medical factors which affect why DS wouldn't be confident with the journey alone. I have suggested he come later with her but he wants to travel together.

They didn't really incite themselves though, they asked and tiu said yes.

However it's your day that you planned, he doesn't get to tell you you are making it stressful when he can't even get a train alone (with his gf)

Rightsraptor · 21/05/2026 19:47

People tend to attempt to re-make arrangements to suit themselves. Learn to resist this now before your son and girlfriend get to expect it.