To be a bit annoyed my trip has been hijacked?

[HardyPlumEagle]

I had a day out planned for Saturday, I was going to get up early and go, have a picnic for lunch and such. I was happy to go alone.

DS (young adult) asked if he could come along with me, of course I said. He often does.
Ds girlfriend then asked DS if she could also come as she has never been. Again no problem.

The issue is DS girlfriend works Friday night so she is not going to want to be up early and they have asked me to book a much later train not getting to the place till 2pm so she can sleep (which is fair enough) but I feel sidelined.
What was supposed to be a nice day out has turned into two hours at most.
It is quite a distance on multiple trains and DS is not confident with the journey alone or I would go and let them come later.

Aibu to be a bit pissed about this or should I just suck it up so as to be seen as welcoming to my ds girlfriend?
Also usually if I was going with just DS I would pay for his fare. Am I supposed to pay for GF too?
This is the first time I am dealing with girlfriends and such.
DS girlfriend did take out DS on a trip in their car for the day but my train fare will in effect triple.

Yes they have hijacked your lovely day and turned it into something rushed and expensive. Your son is going to have to start learning to be more considerate with people or he might end up quite lonely.

I think as he has already started criticising you it might be best to just let them have their way this time. Then do it the way you planned in a week or so and don’t tell him where you are going. Or if you must tell him, insist it is your turn to choose when to set off

Absolutely stick with your plans. If there are 2 of them and they are young adults (one of whom drives) then surely they can figure out with an app if necessary how to get the train there themselves. If they can’t then they should!

You still get to enjoy your part of the day alone as planned and they have got their shit together train wise. Win win.

OP, why are you being so wet?
Turns out that the plan isn't convenient for your son and his GF after all. So just revert to Plan A and go on your own!
Also, even if they did go with you, why would you have to pay for them? They're adults - they pay for themselves.

His girlfriend has a job, she can get on a train. Whatever medical issue he has he should be able to travel accompanied by another adult (his gf) without OP's relaxing day being ruined further by talking them through a journey.

Yes they have a car as well so can drive rather than get the train surely. Also even if there’s a reason they need to get a train, they should pay!

Don't let anyone tell you anything - this is your day out, and you are doing the telling. You're not doing your DS any favours by allowing him to hijack your day out and by allowing him to refuse to let things be any other way than the way he wants them to be. He can fit in with your plans, or he can do something else. He's a big boy, he'll figure out how to cope.

And that is being taken advantage of OP.

Tell them your train is booked for X time and if they're coming then they need to be ready. The first time you do it, the easier it gets.

Also tell them how much the train tickets cost as you haven't budgeted for 3 people.

Well, I don't think her parents would be much bothered if you did, seeing as they've raised their daughter to behave like a twat to you.

Also, you wouldn't be a twat for refusing to pay for her train fare! For goodness sake: she has a job, the whole reason your day out is being sabotaged. If she can't afford it, she shouldn't go. The solution isn't to guilt you into paying for her after making out like you're the one in the wrong for causing them stress by not adhering to their changes to your plans!

There are medical factors which affect why DS wouldn't be confident with the journey alone

He wouldn't doing the journey alone, though. He'd be doing it with another adult, his girlfriend.

If he has a disability or illness that means he needs support getting on a train, I don't think it's remotely feasible or healthy for him, as an adult, to insist that support has to come from his mother and not from his girlfriend.

If I was an 18-year-old girl dating someone the same age, I would be deeply put off if he insisted on travelling with his mum. His girlfriend has a job and car and I would have thought she'd much rather he was holding her hand rather than yours.

She doesn't have a car. I meant her parents took them.
In regards to DS there are needs at play. He isn't a neuroptypical fully independent age appropriate teenager.

You are being bullied by your son. You aren’t creating stress you are just wanting a particular day out which he and his girlfriend are changing in to something different. Tell them what you are planning. They come or they don’t come.

To be fair, the girlfriend isn't the one behaving like a twat. The OP's son is the one who appears to be making all the demands.

Dont change your plans they either wanna come to the PLANNED trip or they dont

Don’t let them dictate the timings of the day. Stick to your original plan. Tell them they may join you on that basis.

If you do decide to have their sort of day out next time just do what you want and don’t invite anyone

Honestly tell them if they want it o come they are welcome but you are leaving at 9am (or whatever). No stress if they don’t want to come

For those asking me what I am going to do. I am off tomorrow. I am half debating getting up and just going tomorrow without either of them as ds won't be with me tomorrow and just telling them I changed plans.

This is definitely what will be happening. Unless I specifically want to take them then I am keeping quiet!

DS not confident alone on trains but confident enough to have a girl-friend? Seriously?

I think in the future you say that's fine but I'm leaving at X time. Their choice if they come or not.i don't think you should wait until tomorrow to say you e changed your mind though.

You're the one creating stress when they are trying to get you to change all your plans and spend three times more money?

And yes, if you would have paid for your son (if he's as entitled as he sounds) then they will expect you to pay for her, too.

Come on, OP, show some gumption!

Yes do this. Just get up and go, have a lovely day and if he comments, tell him you can do it again with him another time.

Lovely if you to offer to include them (and pay for their tickets if you can afford to) but she either needs to get up & come with you (at the original time) or come later and meet you there or miss out this time. Your son can then decide if he wants to come with you, arrive with her or stay home. No way would I miss a nice day out in exchange for a few hours of watching a pair of teens swooning over each other!

Your son is bullying you. Tell them both you're leaving at X time and that's that.

Sometimes your son can't get everything his own way? Good parenting teaching this!