To be a bit annoyed my trip has been hijacked?

[HardyPlumEagle]

I had a day out planned for Saturday, I was going to get up early and go, have a picnic for lunch and such. I was happy to go alone.

DS (young adult) asked if he could come along with me, of course I said. He often does.
Ds girlfriend then asked DS if she could also come as she has never been. Again no problem.

The issue is DS girlfriend works Friday night so she is not going to want to be up early and they have asked me to book a much later train not getting to the place till 2pm so she can sleep (which is fair enough) but I feel sidelined.
What was supposed to be a nice day out has turned into two hours at most.
It is quite a distance on multiple trains and DS is not confident with the journey alone or I would go and let them come later.

Aibu to be a bit pissed about this or should I just suck it up so as to be seen as welcoming to my ds girlfriend?
Also usually if I was going with just DS I would pay for his fare. Am I supposed to pay for GF too?
This is the first time I am dealing with girlfriends and such.
DS girlfriend did take out DS on a trip in their car for the day but my train fare will in effect triple.

In that case, tell him that you had originally planned this day out for yourself and whilst you are happy for them to join you, you are not changing your plans. They can either come with you at the same time or go with you another day.

This. It seems like you are prolonging the drama!

Just tell him you’re going at 8am and booking your train ticket now.

Absolutely this!! Also your son is an adult who will have another adult with him, they can surely figure out how to catch a train on their own?

You’re creating stress for no reason? They have some nerve and there is a deeper problem to be addressed here. Why do they think they can say such a thing to you and get away with?

Well then you and DS go early and she meets you there later.

You have a plan that other people want to join, you’re not planning a group day out. You don’t then change your plans to accommodate them.

I’d also worry about why your adult child can’t get a train with another adult (even with medical issues), as surely at some point they will need to become independent from you. This sounds like a great way to practice that.

And if they don’t want to, that’s fine, they don’t go. That’s their choice.

You should take the train you want. Your ds can come with you or come later with the gf. simple. In fact, it's nicer if they come later as you can have some time alone and some time with them and they gain more independence.

If DS and his GF can’t get the train without you then I would suggest to them that they come a different day as you purposefully wanted to go early and have a picnic. It sounds like quite a long journey for only a couple of hours there if it’s £30?

I think it’s very cheeky for them to say you’re creating stress when they invited themselves along and are changing your plans! I would tell them which train I’m getting, then they can say yes they’re coming on that train, yes they’re making their own way, or no they can’t come.

"Sorry, no, I want the full day there. Maybe you can join me later for a couple of hours. If not, no worries, we'll do something together another time."

Thanks everyone.
I used to be an assertive person but unfortunately PTSD gave that a bit of a battering!
I think it is more when DS girlfriend is involved. I don't want to come off looking like a twat to her family I suppose.

I would go with them ( = suck it up) counting it as a bonding time ( = chance to check on GF🙂)
I wouldn’t complain about later train however I wouldn’t book their tickets / pay for their tickets/ pay for their admission if applicable.
They are young and learning. After paying themselves a lot for a short amount of hours next time they will either: go earlier or : won’t go at all. But you will be in the clear.

If her family think you are being a twat here, then they are twats whose opinions should be ignored!

How old is your son? What are you going to do, @HardyPlumEagle?

This is madness. Stand up for yourself.

Go on ahead and they can join you, in their own time and at own expense if both coming. Surely ds could do the journey with gf? If he is coming alone he has to travel on your timetable.

Easy. Get DS and his gf to work on their train travel skills. Surely they can travel together and join you later.

Agree with this. If my daughter relayed this scenario to me as the girlfriend in this situation, I’d bollock her for being rude and demanding. Id also encourage her to be more independent and take the later train! As you should be with your son. It’s being cruel to be kind, he will thank you in the long run.

Why would you look like a twat to her family?

You are going on a planned day out for you that involves leaving at Xam.

Girlfriend wants/needs to sleep beyond that time. Therefore, she cannot make it.

I'd simply tell DS 'I'm leaving at 9am and you are welcome to come, as is Sarah. If she wants a lie in or can't make that time then perhaps she can come some other time.'

Don't change your plans for them. If they want to be included that's one thing. If they expect you to alter your arrangements for a day out to fit around their convenience then that is something else entirely. They are welcome to join you on the original day out you were looking forward to.

It is quite a distance on multiple trains and DS is not confident with the journey alone

🥴

I voted YABU because you are if you pander to this nonsense. Basically say yes you can come but it's this train at this time and if you can't make that then it's a no for this occasion.

As you were planning to go on your own I would stick with the early train for you and then say you will meet them later. Then it is also not so much pressure on both you and new GF to spend too much time together

They are effectively changing YOUR plans to suit them. Don’t let them. If my 18yo told me I was creating stress, I would give him a right earful. I can be a bit of a pushover when it comes to facilitating him, but I wouldn’t tolerate him relegating me to the background like an inconvenience when something was my idea in the first place. I would be inclined to say ‘This was my original plan. You are very welcome to join me at that time.’ The end. And don’t feel guilty if they decline.

Assume they're adults if she works and has a car. So why on earth is he incapable of making a train journey without his mother holding his hand?

And why are you, a grown adult, afraid to say no? You don't want to go later. You want to go when you planned to, which is what you'll be doing?

How do people like you get anything done??

Have the balls to say that you are going when you want to go. If they are up then they can come along, if not they either meet you there or stay in bed. Don’t be a doormat.

I’d think you were a twat if my dd said you were changing your plans for a whole day out because my dd wanted a lie in and her and her boyfriend couldn’t navigate trains. Not because you wouldn’t change your plans.

The op says her son has trouble navigating multi leg journeys in the 1st post