To be a bit annoyed my trip has been hijacked?

[HardyPlumEagle]

I had a day out planned for Saturday, I was going to get up early and go, have a picnic for lunch and such. I was happy to go alone.

DS (young adult) asked if he could come along with me, of course I said. He often does.
Ds girlfriend then asked DS if she could also come as she has never been. Again no problem.

The issue is DS girlfriend works Friday night so she is not going to want to be up early and they have asked me to book a much later train not getting to the place till 2pm so she can sleep (which is fair enough) but I feel sidelined.
What was supposed to be a nice day out has turned into two hours at most.
It is quite a distance on multiple trains and DS is not confident with the journey alone or I would go and let them come later.

Aibu to be a bit pissed about this or should I just suck it up so as to be seen as welcoming to my ds girlfriend?
Also usually if I was going with just DS I would pay for his fare. Am I supposed to pay for GF too?
This is the first time I am dealing with girlfriends and such.
DS girlfriend did take out DS on a trip in their car for the day but my train fare will in effect triple.

Theres nothing wrong with saying "of course you can come, I am getting the 8am train".

Followed up with, oh no, i dobt want to get there that late. I am getting the 8am train. On repeat.

This. Honestly, OP, if your DS is old enough to have a girlfriend, they're both old enough to be told it doesn't work for you.

"This is the train I will be on. If you're not there, I'll assume you're not coming."

I would. I would ‘turn down the chance’.

She was looking forward to a day out and had budgeted for it. She doesn’t want to triple the cost and spend less time on the day out she had planned.

Women, even mothers are allowed to do things for themselves.

But this is just another cop out. It means you don't have to assert yourself. What you'd be doing is pretending to them that you're changing your plans so you don't have to stand up to them and tell them that they're ridiculous in their request that you change everything for them. And then you'll have to come back with some made up story about the other fictitious place you went to instead. Crazy!!

Your son may be neurodivergent, but he is capable of having a girlfriend so should be well able to navigate 2 trains. You also said he doesn't want to go with her, that he'd prefer to go with you. So clearly he's well able to go with another adult (gf) but would rather go with you. Which is different to being unable to go without you. So if he wants to go with you, he's up for the earlier train. Simple as that.
Tbh, i can't understand how this is an actual issue for someone. Please do some sort of assertiveness course.

Yes, do this.

Nip this in the bud now. If they are old enough to be in a relationship and hold down a job, they are old enough to make a train journey together (and pay their own travel costs).

A day out with a sulking pair of teens who feel majorly aggrieved by ever being crossed is a waste of a day. His behaviour should cement OP in determination to go it alone, and early, just as she had planned.

Can you go as planned with DS and she can get a later train by herself to join you both? Win win.

If it’s your son who told you to be less stressy, then I would be clear that has annoyed you. Even if he is neurodivergent, that is something you should say.

If it’s the girlfriend who said it and he has relayed it to you, you can still tell him why that has upset you.

Personally I’d go on your own, they sound like they’re not going to have any respect for it being your planned day out. But it sounds like that will cause a drama too! If you go on the original planned day, you should definitely get the early train and spend a bit of time on your own before they get the later train together (he won’t be alone!) and catch you up.

And i voted 'you are being unreasonable ' as I can't believe you couldn't just say " you're both welcome to come. I'll be leaving on the 9am train so you can either come with me or meet me there later". Fullstop.

DS is adult enough to have a girlfriend but not get a train on his own? I don’t understand….

Agreed!

I've voted that you are being unreasonable because you just tell the time you are leaving. We are a neuro divergent bunch here. We would say this is our/my plan, there may be some flexibility but we decide what that looks like. We would also say "it'll cost you..." !

Their request is very unreasonable.

They both horned in on your planned day and then have the nerve to try to make you change your plans. How rude!

If your son is old enough to have a gf, they can have a day trip date without you doing all the work for it and changing your plans to facilitate the gf much less paying.

Tell them no. You leave on your planned train and have your day and if your son dares to say one thing tell him it's rude to horn in on a person's planned activity then try to change the whole plan because his gf decided a little afternoon trip would be nice.

You are not their date facilitator.

I haven't agreed to anything at this point.

Don't let your boy tell you these things. Fuck that. Be a role model. You want to come, you do this. Or nothing.

Yes seriously. Neuro diverse people have relationships. So do people with learning difficulties.
What's your issue with it?

We wonder why certain young adults are so self involved - it's no wonder when you read things like this. We're supposed to be thrilled and delighted, make ourselves subservient to their wishes - and of course open our wallets - all for the thrill of having them go somewhere with us. Fuck that. I think parents need to have more self respect and get on with suiting themselves, most modern parents will have done little enough of that for at least 18 years.

I'd be pissed off at being expected to rearrange my trip around my son's girlfriend's sleep schedule. I'd say 'not this time'.

Surely ‘young adult’ DS and his (presumably similar age) girlfriend can navigate the trains to join you later. My 14 year old could manage this!
That’s the most logical solution. You go first, they join you later.

I wonder whether your DS is a bit torn between your plan (that he would personally like to go along with) and his GF’s stated preference OP? DS may need some help with working out how to assert himself with the GF. Sounds as if he might be trying hard to please everyone and ending up pleasing nobody, least of all himself at the moment.

Old enough for a girlfriend ! Then old enough to work the bloody train schedule.. what’s the worst that can happen ? Stop mollycoddling your son and start telling him you have plans that HE needs to fit around.

First post nails it as per.

Heh...with all due respect, this is quite funny.

"This may be your future daughter in law."

Then her future daughter in law will have to go another time. OP had made plans already.