To be a bit annoyed my trip has been hijacked?

[HardyPlumEagle]

I had a day out planned for Saturday, I was going to get up early and go, have a picnic for lunch and such. I was happy to go alone.

DS (young adult) asked if he could come along with me, of course I said. He often does.
Ds girlfriend then asked DS if she could also come as she has never been. Again no problem.

The issue is DS girlfriend works Friday night so she is not going to want to be up early and they have asked me to book a much later train not getting to the place till 2pm so she can sleep (which is fair enough) but I feel sidelined.
What was supposed to be a nice day out has turned into two hours at most.
It is quite a distance on multiple trains and DS is not confident with the journey alone or I would go and let them come later.

Aibu to be a bit pissed about this or should I just suck it up so as to be seen as welcoming to my ds girlfriend?
Also usually if I was going with just DS I would pay for his fare. Am I supposed to pay for GF too?
This is the first time I am dealing with girlfriends and such.
DS girlfriend did take out DS on a trip in their car for the day but my train fare will in effect triple.

Read the OP's posts and it might dawn on you.

Oh fuck no.

They're welcome to come - at the time you are going. If that does not suit them tough tittie, they can come another time.

That is sufficient generosity given the needs/factors involved here.

Agree with this. My son has been doing trains alone since he was 12. If he is old enough to navigate a relationship, he can navigate a bloody train.

OP given that your son is neurodiverse, maybe he doesn’t understand how unreasonable he’s being. You’d be doing him a favour by explaining that whilst you’d love him and his girlfriend to join you, the event is something you want to spend the whole day at, so his suggestion doesn’t work. He needs to learn that if you invite yourself to join someone’s planned activity, you can’t then change the schedule.

I have suggested we go another day so that we could have more time and was told I was creating stress for no reason and that it would be enough time.

This is extremely unfair of the person who said it. You planned a solo trip. In this case, you didn't mind your son and his girlfriend coming along, but neither of them should have assumed that; it would have been perfectly reasonable if you'd gone alone and said "sorry, maybe next time" to them. When you agreed to company, it was on the trip that YOU had planned, and had accurately described to them. Leaving at 2PM to spend a few hours before closing instead of leaving early in the morning and spending all day would make it a substantially different trip, not the one you chose, and substantially less pleasant /more stressful for you. You might also be reasonably irked because the reason for the proposed change is not an ACTUAL conflict but a desire to sleep in rather than rearrange gf's schedule to accommodate both work and the early departure.

I would at this point tell son that you're going on the trip at the original proposed time and that he and or his girlfriend are still welcome to join you. If not, maybe suggest another outing for all three of you with advanced planning so you can choose a day and times that work for all of you. I'd only pay if you can genuinely afford it and want to treat them; it's certainly not an obligation but make it clear in advance.

(If he's the one who told you you were "creating stress for no reason", I'd also consider telling him that nobody like a mansplainer suggesting that he learn to be civil when asking for a favour. But you know best if that kind of guidance would be helpful).

Suck it up this time but make it very clear that the next occasion you’ll be leaving early as planned and they can join you later.

If someone can’t navigate the train network I doubt they have capacity to get married

I think I'd arrange a separate outing with both of them, somewhere nearer and treat them to lunch. On a day when GF is not in need of a sleep in aswell.

Then I'd stick with my original plan. Maybe give them a few quid to have a pizza in town instead or something. Stick to your guns. They'll get over it, and will look forward to the substitute day out instead. Well that would be the plan!

It's not for your son to decide if two hours is long enough, so I'd tell him that and firmly conclude that this time it won't work for you all to go together, so you'll be going alone. You'd be happy to go together another day, instead.

Or if it's easier, just do what you want before the original planned date, then tell him afterward—but he ought to learn for the future that you not wanting to change your entire day from the original plan is not 'creating stress'. His drastic (albeit not ill-intentioned) changing the plans is what's stressful!

Train app literally walks you through the journey and what platforms etc. I would stand firm they join you later. If the gf works and they are in a relationship, I think between them both they can achieve this. Its a good learning opportunity.

Meet them there. If ds is a young adult that isn't confident travelling without you it'll do him good.

Definitely go tomorrow.

How rude and cheeky to accuse you of causing stress!

Going forward, keep your plans to yourself.

Entitled and rude comes to mind.
Do not tolerate it.

Enjoy your day out.

What an absolutely bizarre comment.

You arent creating stress. You have a plan, ds is welcome to join as planned. His girlfriend also welcome. They can come at the planned time or meet you there later. You could not be more relaxed about the arrangements. (Ds wont be getting train alone if he is with gf.)

You're not creating any stress. You have a plan you are happy with it. They want to change it.

If they want ro come with you they come with you.

No way OP!!

This is your day out and you wanted to spend the entire day there for a reason.
What a waste of money just going for half the day.

Tell DS that you’ll be going for the full day and that you’ll do it again another time even him and his gf can join.

Young adult son has a girlfriend but can’t navigate a train?

I think he needs an explanation that if him and his gf want things then they need to start paying for them and sorting themselves out. They can’t go demanding that you do things for them and change your original plans and then when you push back saying you are causing them stress.

ND or NT That is controlling. If he feels able to demand things and gaslight you into thinking you are the problem I would be looking at how bad his ND is.

How dare he say that to you

I would be going nuclear on him.

this.

Just go as planned, leave it up to them if they want to come, their tickets and train fares are up to them, it sounds like they are 17/18 if not older so there is no need to pay for either of them.

Absolutely this. If the GF can’t/doesn’t want to get up in time, tough.

Your trip has not been hijacked by your son, it has been hijacked by you. Just carry on with your original plan. If this doesn't fit in with them, too bad!

I would say: I planned this trip and I was really looking forward to spending the whole day there. Two hours may be enough for you but it's not for me. So I'll be sticking to my plans and if you want to come along that's great but if it doesn't suit you, you can make your own arrangements. And I don't appreciate being called a creator of stress . I am entitled to do things I want to do with my time.

If he's old enough to have a GF he should be able to arrange his own trip. Go when you planned they probably won't come anyway .

@HardyPlumEagle As everyone else has said - do NOT agree to wait until later. You have to say that it doesn't suit you to wait. You wanted to go all day, not just for a couple of hours. ND or not, it is very unreasonable for them to expect you to wait for them. Just TELL them no.