Hate having plans for things I enjoy

[Manchegomango]

I really hate having set plans even if they are things im looking forward to.
I have a couple of parties and trips away this summer (no big holiday) and even though I am excited about them all I just hate the feeling that I already know my time is accounted for.
Same with weekends - if I have somewhere i need to be on Saturday, even if its something great, I feel like my weekend has been used up.
Anyone relate??

A friend wants us to pick a Sunday when we can go spend the day swimming and having a picnic at the lake as a group and it will be really fun but I just wish we could randomly wake up on a Sunday morning and think "today!" Instead

Instinctively I am exactly the same, I am a happy go lucky person although I have learned through hard experience that most people like plans and people like us are in a minority. People in general get really upset about not having plans.

I find it really stressful when people over-plan stuff and insist on having to have everything locked down months in advance.

For example the kinds of people who will hassle you in May about how you are getting to an event in September and chase you to decide when you have more urgent things to worry about. I don’t mean things like weddings where there’s a need to know numbers. But when its just people having to control everything. I find it really draining and stress inducing.

But as I say not wanting to go along with this seems to really rub people up the wrong way so I toe the line now.

I am 100% the same. I hate it. In fact I’m as likely to back out of a plan as I am to follow through. Even if it’s something I’ll enjoy or I set up. I wonder if there’s a name for it. I’m glad I’m not alone.

Urgggh God I absolutely hear you re the May/September thing. Or even on a smaller scale... Say you are doing something with someone in 2 weeks time. And you get a message that invariably starts: "Just looking at timings for Sunday...."
They want to know whether they should book somewhere for lunch.
Like, why? Why cant we just play it by ear? See what time we end up being hungry on Saturday? Just drop into the nearest pub? Or heaven forbid, end up eating later in the day?
It just sucks the enjoyment iut of it

I’m the same, I have family who always try to pin us down for visits to them or them coming to us.
I hate being pinned down, I’m sure I’d enjoy it when the time comes but I usually end up making excuses.

It’s not that I’m holding out for better offers but we’re such last minute people we like the freedom of saying ‘weather looks good, let’s go to X’.

We haven’t even booked our summer holiday yet!

I don’t mind a rough plan but I can’t abide itineraries. I much prefer to rock up somewhere on holiday and just make it up as I go along according to how I feel.

I am going away with a friend in June who is a Planner. She made me book everything last year which was already far too early for my liking and now keeps emailing me with what we are going to do when. I just feel a bit over it already and have told her I would prefer to go with the flow.

Or imagine youre going to see a film on Saturday evening.
You get a text from someone on the Sunday before saying "what time we meeting on Saturday?".
FFS.

I hate it, i prefer spontaneous plans theyre much more fun.

I get you. If its too planned, then its almost like you've already lived the experience months in advance IMO.

I honestly can't relate to a single thing you are saying! I'm the exact opposite - a huge part of the fun of the thing is the enjoyment of looking forward to it and thinking about it.
We are polar extremes! I guess you don't fancy a coffee in 6 months then lol.

Haha always nice to hear from the opposite mindset! Can I let you know on the day? ;) X

If you have actually agreed to go to see the film in a week’s time, what’s the problem with agreeing a time?

TBH find people who leave things up in the air til the very last minute stressful.

I'm the same too. During the lockdowns I got reacquainted with the notion of doing things as they came to mind, and obviously this was with a clear diary, and it was such freedom. It changed my life. I rarely have stuff in my social diary now, but it does mean I do less. It gives me the freedom to be more spontaneous. Surprisngly, this has worked well with many of my friends. It's meant I no longer dread the things that of course I also want to do, and I no longer have that confusing elation when things I would like to do get canceled. Life is weird when the time is all booked up.

Yes. We have a family holiday, and I have a break with our daughter planned for the summer, and all I feel is stressed about it. They're in the back of my mind like a dark cloud. It is ridiculous.

YANBU but I’m a bit of a planner I'm afraid. I think it’s because we have so much in the diary - lots of sports training and matches at fixed times for all 4 of us - that we only have specific slots when we’re available. Less so in the summer though and I do love waking up on those mornings to a completely free day when you can do whatever you fancy.

I’m the same Op, I’m much more of a spontaneous person but do accept others prefer plans, it’s all fine - if I accept an invite I’ll always turn up but I often decline if it’s more than about a week in advance (obviously this totally depends on what it is, a holiday or something does need more advanced notice but something like a casual lunch out or a walk or something - I don’t want to have that locked in too far in advance as I don’t want to have committed to something and then something else comes along, a better offer, and I’ve already agreed 3 months ago to go for a bloody walk!
I just generally prefer to not be booked up.

My DH is like you to some extent although he has got a bit better, mainly because he realised that leaving things like holiday planning until the last minute made it more expensive and tricky to get the time off work. Regular plans though, he absolutely refuses to be pinned down. Drives me mad. I like structure and planning.

I’m retired as are most of my friends so in theory we have loads more time than most people on MN.

However whilst I would like to do things spontaneously if I try and arrange something everyone is booked up, looking after grandchildren/elderly relatives etc.
Also how do posters get into restaurants:theatres etc last minute, it never works for me.

Because its forcing me to already create a structure for a day that is in 6 days time.
I also think that if you are a Planner sort the onus should be on you to give a time that works for you rather than make a non Planner deal with timings. So if we are seeing a film at 7 and you have other stuff you want to plan that day, just be like "hey looking forward to Saturday, ive got stuff beforehand so will be free from 5pm on"

Yes. I’m usually also arranging something else, so I want to know which showing suits you, and if you are free for a drink or food beforehand.

I mean, feel free to be a drifty, spontaneous ‘make it up as you go along’ type, but other people, believe it or not, also have other plans they’re firming up, or need to arrange childcare etc.

I have to plan things with friends in advance otherwise I’d never see them. They have busy lives so if I just dropped them a message on the day or even the week before saying are you free on x the answer would likely be no. Even worse if there’s more than 2 of us.

With children, looking after parents, pets, work, weddings etc we all have quite a lot on and can’t just drop things to be spontaneous.

This is a fair point re children, I dont have kids so it allows more flexibility, but in fairness none of my friends have kids and some of them are still all about the planning!

I mean, I understand what you're saying up to a point. I have family who start asking in June where we're going/what we're doing for Christmas, and I think this is ridiculous. It makes me feel like the time is being used up prematurely, somehow!

Equally, though, deciding things 'on the day' doesn't work for me either, so some planning is needed. Your swimming/picnic plans, for example -- my group of friends would have to plan something like this in advance, or nobody would be able to make it, because everyone has so many built-in commitments with work, children, family. I don't know anyone with school age children who can make plans for anything more complex than a coffee 'on the day'.

Sorry, cross-post. If you don't have kids then, yes, I understand how you could be more spontaneous.

Agree. I think since Covid it’s hard to get in anywhere (at least anywhere good that’s) without reservations. I would hate to have not booked anything and then have to traipse around trying to find somewhere especially if hungry just cause we didn’t plan anything.

i like to have a plan as it helps me relax knowing I’m free until x time when I need to go out.

We only have so much time in the day- I don’t want to waste it hanging around for someone who can’t just agree a simple time to do something