Men... are u okay? What is the problem?

[LavenderSkiesxo]

I think this will be removed / deleted but i am not saying anything untrue. Or factually incorrect. But here goes...

Since having my little girl just over a year ago I have started resenting men. I dont know why as my partner isnt bad. I just see them in a whole new light.

Firstly, years ago women couldn't vote and it was the done thing that they would look after the children and home and men were the providers. But, many women (not all!) Now have careers, go to work, earn their own money. We can now vote. Aswell as have a career, many women still take on majority of the housework and childcare. Not because men always refuse but they just dont, we do things automatically. Men, just dont think.

The other day I was driving to visit family and saw a car with its hazards on in the slip road... they have broken down i thought. Nope. A man was standing behind his car pissing. It got me thinking, ive never seen a woman pissing at the side of the road. We just wouldn't, so how do men find themselves in this situation? My dog can hold its bladder until "walkies" so what's the issue?

I read that men commit like 91% of murders, most rapes are men and men mostly abuse their partners. Men are more likely to commit suicide, men dont open up and speak about their feelings.. some men transition to become "women" and fight to enter women spaces. I know women transition to men but you dont hear about them!

I just dont understand. Men.. what is the actual problem??? Apart from sperm, what is your actual purpose??

The posts on here today.. oh my man was messaging a coworker inappropriately and he cant get her moved as it'll be suspicious... WHAT!! Nah he has played his part, otherwise it would be as simple as, hey HR this person is being inappropriate and its making me uncomfortable, here are the messages 🤣🤣

Or the other one, my man spent lots of money on my credit card and refusing to pay up... WHAT🤣🤣

What the fuck, we all play our part to with enabling such shit behaviour.

I’d love to be able to pee wherever, our plumbing is ridiculous. Not men’s fault though 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yes they can and do, but they don’t can and do as much as men.

I am not a man hater BUT I expect a lot of that male dominance in particular fields will be because they are intimidating to a lot of women by being full of men (not to mention lacking infrastructure for supporting people with care responsibilities aka women). So the idea of women being “unable” to step into these roles is pretty ridiculous.

But you'll get showered with 'not all men'.

it's not even "not all men", it's that men are as decent and "safe" as women, and the few exceptions do not change that fact.

Presumably to avoid any risk of getting piss on them?

Im sure the mothers of murderers and rapists said the same.

Couldn't agree more op. Of course not all men etc, I know lots of lovely men and have a son who I am very proud of. But the bottom line is men are worse than women in so many measurable areas, drink, drugs, child abuse, domestic abuse, dangerous driving, gambling, rape, violence....the list goes on. It's always disproportionately men. It's hard to ignore.

I warn my DD about some men. The ones who raise red flags. The ones who don't respect women. The ones who think a woman's place is in the kitchen. The ones who are emotionally, physically and financially abusive.

Do I tell her to avoid all men? Of course not. Because not all men are like the above.

You just don't want to accept that and have very black and white thinking about it.

I have some absolutely wonderful men in my life. My husband will (and has) literally stopped the car and jumped out to help elderly people cross the road.

My Dad would give the shirt off his back to anyone who asked.

Yes there are some terrible men out there but there are also some amazing ones.

I think the key thing is to be having open conversations with both the males and females in our lives about what is acceptable behaviour and how we should be treating each other as human being and more importantly we should all be calling out the behaviour of men who are doing wrong.

I used to have an evening job and would never go on the train platform unless a woman or a couple were already there. If it only had a man or no one (in case a man turned up) I would stay by the entrance until just before the train was due. Yes the man could have been perfectly fine but as a stranger, I wasn’t going to take my chances. A middle aged woman there, no issue at all for me to go on the platform. I hated and resented that I felt like that but it wasn’t paranoia or irrationality, it was self preservation.

91% of crimes are committed by men. OK, i can accept that proposition.

What percentage of men commit crimes, at all? out of the entire population?

I was stuck for hours on the motorway, someone was threatening to jump off a motorway bridge so they stopped all the traffic. Eventually I had to go and find a secluded spot. The embarrassment knowing that everyone in the other cars knew what I was doing was bad, not as bad as wetting myself.

I do pity you, if you genuinely think you are at potential risk of rape and murder every time you cross the path of a male.

What a way to live

If your little baby was a boy would you feel the same way ?

This thread is ridiclous

So the piss ends up on bare feet instead???

No, I’ll be explaining the dangers of strangers, making sure she knows how to hand out a beating and raising her to hopefully have a healthy self-esteem but I’m not filling my daughter’s head with a random fear of men.

OP, whatever has happened to you, I’m really sorry. It must have been really bad for you to feel like this. But while many men do terrible things, many men do not. And any try with my daughter, well, they’ll have me to deal with (and I’m scarier than any guy) 🤨

It’s not all men, but it’s always men!!!

they are mainly ok but there’s enough doing bad things to give them all a bad name

Never. Most men are fine. Like most women.

funny, when in the same situation, I do go on the train platform because someone else feels safer (even if it's a MAN) in case a gang barges in and starts making trouble. Which is rare, but not that rare.

I consider myself quite aggressively feminist (and I'm inclusive of sexuality, class, race, gender, intersex, transgender,, size, etc in this)
I work in mental health. We see roughly equal numbers of men and women, and a lot of people's trouble's and suicidality overlaps. But there are a couple of patterns in what each gender is more likely to struggle with.

Women are the ones who are more likely to be stretching themselves too thin, at the whims of a workplace or a family/partner who are taking them for granted. They are likely to be asking us to help them cope with the impossible demands on them, without actually reducing any of those demands. There's often trauma in the background.

Men are the ones who are more likely suicidal after a break up in a relationship, often there's drug/alcohol use and anger issues that led up to this and their poor (usually female) partner has stepped away from them for self preservation. There's often trauma in the background for them too.

I think men's mental health makes the person and others both suffer. Often the impact of women's mental health is isolated to the person themself.

Men's is slightly more likely to be numbed (drugs/alcohol) and externalised (relying on partner, anger issues). Women's is slightly more likely to be internalised (self harm, suicidal ideation), and shut down (emotionally frozen).

There's a lot more overlaps but these are the more "gendered" versions that I see of mental health. There's been studies done on this too which would of course be more rigorous.

This isn't about physical differences I think it's about what we expect of "Men" and of "Women" - to be considerate, to be brave, to ask for help, looks different in each gender and people have their own strict ideas.

It's got to the point that I am finding it cliche when men think it's less of a burden to be found trying to hang themselves than it is to actively make changes to their lives, and when women would rather break themselves than leave a workplace/relationship.

@LeaderBee

I don't understand your argument here.

Firstly - 100 years ago is not 4 generations ago.

Are we supposed to just forget historic events that have had an extremely significant impact on our lives just because we were not born at the time?

Shall we forget the World Wars?
Shall we forget colonialism - even though that was in my lifetime?
Shall we forget slavery?

What do you mean?

I know they don't. But why? IME it's because we are taught that we can't/shouldn't. My friend growing up really wanted to be a bin(wo)man . She was told that she couldn't as she'd get dirty! She does however work in a make dominated field. The misogyny is off the scale.

As are the men in mine.

And mine