AIBU to think using their voucher only on their share was rude?

[Dinnerdrama]

We were invited out to dinner with friends at the weekend.They planned to visit a particular restaurant and asked if we’d like to go along.
We had a nice enough meal, couple bottles of wine, liqueurs. All quite pleasant for a Friday night.
When the bill arrived one of our friends presented a voucher and asked for the bill to be halved and the voucher taken off theirs. The waiter seemed slightly bemused and repeated back the request. Our friend repeated and clarified they wanted the bill split and the voucher taken off their half.
I almost died of second hand mortification. Is this not CF of the highest order?! I wouldn’t dream of doing this when I invited people out. If I was that skint, I’d use the voucher as a couple and
not invite others along.
For the record, I have been out for a meal previously with them where I have had a voucher and I had the voucher taken off the whole bill and split the remainder.
Cannot believe the brass neck, it has put me off going out with them again. Massively embarrassed on their behalf, not sure why, they didn’t seem to be!!

Ahhhh so paying for your part of a bill with a cash gift card instead of credit card is very lower class is it. That’s why it seems batshit to me, I don’t have friends who would think this way about gift cards.

Yes, when I treat my friends to a meal it's just that, a treat, not an IOU.

If someone treats me I assume the same.

Why would anyone need to declare they are using a gift card as part of their payment ffs?

Blimey. I’m glad my friends aren’t just takers.

I have cash and a credit card I don't want to share, can I eat dinner in a group or only solo?

Somewhat in the minority, clearly, but I think it was weird and tight of your friends. In that circumstance, I'd invite other people along specifically on the premise that I had a voucher so we could all have a night out together for less money - or if I didn't want to share, I would just not invite another couple along.

OP, when you shared your voucher, were you out for a special occasion and had you communicated in advance you would use the voucher (eg it was your friends birthday and you decided to use your voucher to subsidise her meal as a gift)?

What was the value of your voucher and their voucher?

How long ago was it? Prices have gone up so much, a £100 voucher 5 years ago would have made a much bigger dent in the bill than it will today.

Could your friends be struggling financially at the minute? It may be they wanted to go out and enjoy your company but couldn’t afford it - however the gift voucher they have meant that they could.

Presumably before you went out, you fully expected to be paying your full costs yourself, so you aren’t worse off as a result of this.

Have you ever heard or said “you don’t give to receive”? A gift should never be given with the expectation of something in return. When you chose to use your voucher, I presume you weren’t expecting them to reciprocate in the future? So why did that change when you saw they had a voucher? Would it have been any different to them being given £100 cash or a prepaid credit card as a present that they chose to use to pay their half of the bill?

I’m genuinely shocked. Does this work in the pub too? So you accept your friend buying a round and then just go and get your own next time?

I had this once, except it was a guy taking me out on a date when I was in uni. He chose the place and then asked to split the bill and used a voucher to pay his half. All fine except he had asked me out on a date and it just seemed really tight. Needless to say things didn’t progress much further 😂

This is one of the reasons I hate eating out with people. Some think the bill should be split equally even when they've had far more food/ drink. Some refuse to split equally even when the difference is 50p. Some think my vouchers belong to the group. Some think their vouchers don't.

I find it exhausting tbh.

How embarrassing not to return a favour freely given.
The only thing that would excuse this behaviour is if they had forgotten (hard to believe though that is).
In any case, I would never not share a voucher on a meal shared with others, even if I had not been the first. It just wouldn't cross my mind. It's like baking a cake and leaving it out on display, then inviting people round but not sharing it with them. Just hide it away if you don't want to share it.

Wow!

They’re tight bastards

Bring back shame, I say. Imagine doing that, I’m cringing

So it's a gift voucher, that someone else has already paid £100 to the restaurant for? Then it's the same a cash, and I'd have no problem with someone using it towards their own meal. It's different if it's a 2 for 1 offer, or discount, or something similar.

My boss always gives us all £100 restaurant voucher for Christmas, which can be used at places such as Nando's. To my mind, that's the same as being given £100 cash - and it wouldn't occur to me to split this with someone else. If your friends had been gifted £100 cash instead of the voucher, would you have expected them to put that towards the whole bill, and then split the rest? It's the same thing.

The only thing that would annoy me is that you have shared a voucher with them before - I assume also a cash gift voucher? In that case, they are being a bit cheeky.

If someone had been given a £100 voucher for a Christmas present to a restaurant they really wanted to try, I would be flattered they invited me to join them. I wouldn't expect them to give me half of their Christmas present too.

Now , I confess that the conversation my friends and I are more likely to have would be "would you like to come out for lunch and help me spend my voucher" and so we would share it with each other, but I wouldn't be offended if someone didn't. I certainly wouldn't be mortified for them.

Often people with vouchers spend more than people without. Maybe a more expensive meal or more wine. If the bill is then split, the non-voucher owning person may well end up with a bigger bill than expected.

It’s like landing on another planet. So presumably people who think like this would accept a friend paying for their coffee in a cafe, but then never return the favour and just pay for their own. And think that fine.

Generally, people navigate these issues easily with humility and grace. Never once in a large circle of friends has anyone I know ever found themselves “mortified” like the OP. Most functioning adults can handle paying in restaurants without getting in a state about it.

Based on this, you basically thought they should have paid some of your bill because you joined them for a meal out. That's unreasonable of you, I think.

Someone likely paid £100 at some point for that voucher. Its likely a present. Why on earth would someone expect their friend to share their gift card with them. You were invited to a meal, you spent £130, pay it. That gift card is essentially just cash

I think they should have mentioned that they had a voucher when they suggested the restaurant. And actually I agree with you OP, I think vouchers should be shared and it's not the same as paying with cash but I'm not really sure why.

It's not like using some cash you've been given: they chose and specified the location because that's where they had a voucher for, and they knew their bill would be discounted. I'd certainly be mortified if my partner suggested something like that after we invited another couple along.

Agreed. We’d take it off the whole bill, but know not everyone we know would.

Is there any chance it was a voucher that was only valid if more than two people ate and they couldn’t use it just for two? If so, that is appalling because they’ve used you to gain eligibility to use the voucher.

We had already had the conversation and it went ‘I have a voucher to treat us to afternoon tea, would you mind driving us there, I’m not a fan of driving out of town.’ I said ‘sure’.
To me the intention was she was ‘treating us’ to afternoon tea and I was covering the transportation.

This post is also giving second hand embarrassment… darling 👀