AIBU to think using their voucher only on their share was rude?

[Dinnerdrama]

We were invited out to dinner with friends at the weekend.They planned to visit a particular restaurant and asked if we’d like to go along.
We had a nice enough meal, couple bottles of wine, liqueurs. All quite pleasant for a Friday night.
When the bill arrived one of our friends presented a voucher and asked for the bill to be halved and the voucher taken off theirs. The waiter seemed slightly bemused and repeated back the request. Our friend repeated and clarified they wanted the bill split and the voucher taken off their half.
I almost died of second hand mortification. Is this not CF of the highest order?! I wouldn’t dream of doing this when I invited people out. If I was that skint, I’d use the voucher as a couple and
not invite others along.
For the record, I have been out for a meal previously with them where I have had a voucher and I had the voucher taken off the whole bill and split the remainder.
Cannot believe the brass neck, it has put me off going out with them again. Massively embarrassed on their behalf, not sure why, they didn’t seem to be!!

You started the thread 😂

They don’t have to share the gift! They can use it separately another time.
It’s the using it in front of you without sharing that’s thought rude (though this can vary depending on circumstances).

This

But they aren't reciprocating, in fact they are choosing to order more than them and to split the bill down the middle, there is already a clue there that they are happy to take, yet not to give back, it's nothing to do with monetary value, people that will accept your generosity (even abuse it by ordering more that you and still wanting to split evenly), but show none back in return are not reciprocal people and you shouldn't waste generosity on them IMO.

If they wanted to reciprocate they had the perfect opportunity to do it, they just didn't want to. It's the fact that they ordered way more THEN paid out of a voucher without sharing it that would bother me.. if they want to be 'every man for themselves' type people then they should be paying for exactly what they eat and drink .. not expecting others to subsidise them, and not even sharing a gift voucher that OP had previously shared with them.

People like OPs friend know how to take the piss without being called out, but they've shot themselves in the foot now. I had a good friend do it to me, three times in a row they never paid for coffee/cake, and just went to sit down, leaving me to order (they have a history of doing this sort of thing too to get out of paying for anything), now I just order my own and go and sit down.. it feels really petty to do it, as I prefer a reciprocal relationship, even if it costs me more, but some people will take and take and take as much as you'll give them, so I've made peace with it now and just sort myself out.

see I disagree, to me what’s rude is OP had previously paid £100 off the bill for all of them, so it would have been nice if they had done the same (not expected, but just a thoughtful thing to do).
I don’t think there is an issue in splitting the bill and then paying it by bank card or gift card, cash. It’s all the same. The sooner gift cards can be uploaded to apple pay (or similar) the better, then no one would be none the wiser.

Those are all different issues.

We don't know if they have reciprocated in other ways. It doesn't sound like they ordered loads more, OP said a desert and maybe a glass of wine. But if they always split the bill in half sometimes the OP might order more. She hasn't said this is a pattern of them taking advantage.
We also don't know that they could afford to give OP £50 towards her meal on this occasion.

She is just embarrassed for them because it's such a faux pas (to her) to spend your own gift voucher on yourself.

I'll eat my hat if they reciprocate in other ways..

They were the ones that said "did you want to go out for dinner, I've got a gift voucher for X restaurant" then proceed to order an order course for themselves, plus extra drinks for themselves, knowing full well they are bill splitting and your 'guests' will already be out of pocket on the night because you have ordered more than them and you are expecting them to pay for what YOU have had, THEN use the voucher just for yourselves when OP has shared hers a couple of months prior.

The level of cringe is off the charts.

"Reciprocal" people would never do any of that.

Friendship does not equate to paying for other people. Don you think you’re a tad materialistic? I don’t need my friends to pay for me to show me they’re friends. I have my own money and if I'm agreeing to go out and have dinner, I would anticipate paying for my own food and drink. If my friend was given a gift card for her birthday and used it to pay for her meal I wouldn’t bat an eyelid. It’s her gift, her half of the bill is not my concern. If her husband covered her half of the bill I wouldn’t think hey! Hold on. You should cover half my costs because your husband has covered yours

Thats why people have such strong opinions on this though isn’t it, because to me I cannot fathom why it would be rude to use a gift card in front of other people. Why do gift cards appear to have some sort of stigma that by using one you’re being cheap or getting away with paying for your bill? That the only way to use them is to use it in private or by sharing with everyone? To me they are equivalent to cash. I buy gift cards on cashback sites as I can get good cash back on some restaurants, even Tesco. Every payday I buy a £400 Tesco gift card and get £20 cash back. Imagine doing my shopping with my gift card and my friend popping her shopping in with my because that apparently some unspoken rule of using a gift card? Bonkers to me

It's nothing to do with using gift cards seemingly to be cheap.

I'd never conceived before this thread of a gift card being other than what it is, a gift. Therefore the same as a voucher. So if I am given a gift card it is exactly like a code for a discount or any other way in which £100 less is owed, by me personally, to the restaurant and I would therefore apply that £100 in the same way by taking it off the total before splitting.

I had no idea there was a concept of giftcards as something you have bought yourself and use like a pre-loaded payment card.

Gift voucher and Gift card mean the same thing. The promotional % off type idea is a coupon

imagine this scenario Dappled. A new work colleague has started, you get on really well. She says ‘hey Dappled fancy meeting for a coffee on Saturday?”
you say “yeh, great see you at 10:00”
on Saturday you arrive at Maise’s gaff caff. You queue for your coffee and you each pay separately.
your husband, notices that Maise’s is your fave cafe, and gives you a gift card which entitles you 5 drinks at Maise’s.
You and your colleague suggest another meet up at Maise’s.
you are in the queue you, are flicking through your purse and see the gift card. Question do you offer to use your gift card to get your colleagues coffee?

Yes, that would be a no-brainer.

I guess that even regardless of the fact that I buy gift cards for cashback, the gift card was a present for them to spend on themselves. But apparently there’s an unspoken rule that if you’re given a gift it’s rude not to share it, or you have to do it in private. For me the opposite is true, it’s extremely rude to expect someone to give you half of something that’s theirs, just because they didn’t pay for it

Okay now imagine this scenario:
You’re about to meet your work colleague fit the second time at Maise’s. This time the gift card for five drinks was a birthday present from your husband. Would you still buy the coffee for your colleague?

Yes! I don't see what you're getting at

But apparently there’s an unspoken rule that if you’re given a gift it’s rude not to share it.

There really isn't, but you can't have it both ways, if you are BILL SPLITTING with other people, then you are dining as 'a group', regardless of how much anyone orders, it seems odd to invite someone out saying you have a voucher for a restaurant, then not offer to use it for the group IMO, especially when you have accepted that from someone previously, why even mention the voucher in the first place then?

It is extra cringe if you are ordering a lot more than they are, expecting them to share the cost of what extra things you have ordered and not offering to share the voucher.. etiquette dictates that it is rude to try and have it both ways.

Going somewhere and each paying for yourselves would be the exception as there is no expectation that anything is shared anyway, the voucher is nothing more than a payment method in that scenario.

When I had no money coming in at all, my mum sent me a Costa gift card in the post.
A bit odd that some people would think I should have shared it with other people.

We’re not talking about doing a weekly shop at Tesco though.

This thread is about a friend inviting you to dinner and then using her gift voucher for herself only and letting you pay for yourself…all in the context of you using a similar voucher to treat her to dinner previously.

You really can’t see why that’s rude?

Not even a little bit. I think OP is the rude one for reacting so badly to it. The gift card is equal to cash to me.

Even if OP has previously offered to share her gift card, I don’t think you give to receive so if you’re going to have resentment if it’s not reciprocal, then you shouldn’t bother in the first place

Not the same thing, is it. However, if your mum sent you that and you weren't skint, but you did suggest a friend came to Costa and then you ordered several lattes and a cake and then suggested you split the whole bill, and THEN you got your voucher out for your half.... you'd be the odd one, right?

It’s not equivalent though. The context that they had dessert and an extra drink is irrelevant because that how OP always splits the bill. It is not unusual for them to split it down the middle. In fact she’s said she’d be mortified to split hairs about it. So she’s happy to pay her half of the bill. The only issue is that they have used a gift card instead of cash

The difference is that the OP used her £100 discount/gift card (whatever it was) to cover both couple's share. Whereas her friend only used it on their share. That's what's annoyed the OP. It doesn't matter where the £100 came from, just that it was used differently.

But she didn't say gift voucher in her OP, she said voucher, which could definitely be used to describe a coupon. Why do you think so many people asked her to clarify, or commented calling it a coupon/discount/free etc?

Okay.

Think of it like this. You’re at a bar, buy a bottle of wine and share it with your friend.

The following week you again go to the bar at friend’s invitation, find friend, she has a bottle of wine but keeps it all for herself and you have to get your own.

You don’t think she should have offered you some of hers? You don’t find it odd that she doesn’t?

It’s not resentment you feel, you can well afford your own drink, but it’s not socially acceptable behaviour (imho) so you find it odd and confusing. Well, I do anyway.