AIBU to think using their voucher only on their share was rude?

[Dinnerdrama]

We were invited out to dinner with friends at the weekend.They planned to visit a particular restaurant and asked if we’d like to go along.
We had a nice enough meal, couple bottles of wine, liqueurs. All quite pleasant for a Friday night.
When the bill arrived one of our friends presented a voucher and asked for the bill to be halved and the voucher taken off theirs. The waiter seemed slightly bemused and repeated back the request. Our friend repeated and clarified they wanted the bill split and the voucher taken off their half.
I almost died of second hand mortification. Is this not CF of the highest order?! I wouldn’t dream of doing this when I invited people out. If I was that skint, I’d use the voucher as a couple and
not invite others along.
For the record, I have been out for a meal previously with them where I have had a voucher and I had the voucher taken off the whole bill and split the remainder.
Cannot believe the brass neck, it has put me off going out with them again. Massively embarrassed on their behalf, not sure why, they didn’t seem to be!!

The question of whether it's a gift card or cash is a complete red herring.

Absolutely this.

I'd personally feel embarrassed to use a monetary voucher just for myself and not the people I was dining with, so I would specifically use it when it was just the two of us.

But in the same breath they have done nothing wrong, there should be no expectation that a money off voucher should be used for anyone but the recipient, especially if it was a gift from someone else, if it was a loyalty voucher from the restaurant, or a percentage off then I'd think differently again.

If you both always pay for yourselves, then you are blowing it out of proportion completely, their voucher is the same as cash essentially as a means of payment.

No, It was yours to spend on yourself. Your friend wanted to go too. You didn't harangue her to go to a spa above her budget.

Crazy minds on this thread.

I think the difference between a gift card and voucher can be that a voucher can have conditions attached like a minimum spend etc. So if OP was invited so the overall spend allowed the use of the voucher it should have been taken off the total bill. A gift card is effectively cash and I'd consider it the same as using a credit card used to pay one's share. I still don't think I'd use a gift card in front of friends though to avoid any awkwardness.

I think the issue for me is that you set a precedent for using your own voucher previously so in that respect yes it's a bit cheeky.

However in other circumstances where you hadn't set the precedent no I don't think it's remotely cheeky and wouldn't bat an eyelid if a friend did this. Essentially they were given a gift of a certain value and you think they should attribute part of that gift to you - imo that is more cheeky than using a gift voucher. However in your particular circumstances its a bit different because you've already done this for them in the past.

I would say overall not worth falling out over though. I think it's up to everyone who wants to split the bill and it's their business why. I regularly go out with friends and we always pay individually because two of the group don't drink whereas the rest of us like to get a few drinks so it's unfair to expect them to pay for that when their meal is so much cheaper.

If they didn’t want to share the voucher with you, considering you had shared yours with them, then it would have been far less awkward if they just went by themselves. Even if you hadn’t set the precedent, it looks a bit stingy.

Was the voucher you shared also worth £100?

I agree with you OP. Really crass and embarrassing. Not something I’d ever do.

You realise it would cost you £50 to give your friend £50 off, even if you were given the voucher for nothing.

Yes, my voucher was for £100 at a different restaurant. It was in 2026 too if that is relevant.

Interesting one that I think is probably a case by case answer on etiquette.

In your circumstances:

1. history of shared discount
2. They invited you
3. they chose the restaurant
4. they did not mention the voucher

They should have applied to the whole bill.

I have a dear friend who doesn’t earn much but likes to pay her way. She often has vouchers for chains like Pizza Express or The Real Greek. If we go there she will almost certainly pay her amount by voucher but if she has extra vouchers will throw them at my share. I’m not sure where she gets these vouchers but they are time limited so sometimes she will have loads to use up. If I want to go somewhere else, I invite her and pay, saying something like, “you got Pizza Express last time.” We don’t go crazy expensive places. Probably comparable (or cheaper!) than Pizza Express but without vouchers.

But I'm still getting £50 off which is worth it for a nice night out with friends. If I wanted the full £100 off for myself I wouldn't invite other people on that occasion

This 💯

Why should they subsidise your meal?

Interesting how split the opinions are. Closer than brexit 😂
Totally accept people have a different way of looking at things. It’s simply not how I would act. I’m still incredulous they thought it was good etiquette. Probably best not to dine with these people again but you live and learn.

Out of curiosity op was there much difference between the added up cost of your meal and drinks etc and the added up cost of theirs or was it completely equal?

I think it's relevant because if you had a starter, steak, extra bottle of wine, dessert and a cocktail and they had a mid range meal and a few glasses then it would be perfectly reasonable for them to split the bill and use their voucher on their own share given the discrepancy in the cost of what you'd each ordered? You'd already be saving by splitting equally in that scenario?

I'd also say you wrote about preferring to spend time with people who are generous and magnanimous - that's all fine and well until a good friend is privately working to a budget they aren't ready to share with you. So using a voucher in this way may have enabled them to still spend time with you in a way you both enjoy rather than having to compromise on the venue.

A few people have said this now and I don’t understand why people would be embarrassed paying for their half of a meal? Gift cards often look like credit cards these days, what’s the difference? If you paid cash for your half would be embarrassed too?

Agree it's mortifying. A meal shared, should be a meal shared. It's not about the money, it's about the experience. If they were really in dire straits and this was the only way the meal was affordable for them, fine they could have mentioned that to you. But I'm a bill splitter regardless. Can't be doing with calculations of what each person had once you're no longer a student.

First reply nailed it.

It’s the wrong way round, it’s very crass to expect others to pay towards your meal.

Fundamentally it's about generosity of spirit - sharing the full experience as the aim of the evening was a shared meal with friends, not penny pinching. Picking over the meal always taints the sociable atmosphere.

The bill was split and they paid their share?

Yes I know but it's the same principle. Can't abide it.

"It's not about the money, it's about the experience"

This is real privilege talking.

Why do you think you are owed any explanation of a friends financial situation? People can feel very embarrassed talking about things like this especially if it's not their norm. It can also come across as you are expecting help from the other person in some way so a lot of people also don't like hearing it.

I’m sure they will be gutted.

I've explained it but I'll try again.

Regardless of the format in which a voucher comes be it a plastic card, email, QR code or a whatever if it is a £100 voucher for a restaurant then to me that is £100 money off the meal. It isn't just a method of payment but is £100 that will be removed from the bill therefore it is a big discount. I would be embarrassed to invite someone to dine with me and not share that discount.

I get that other people don't see it that way. Doesn't stop me feeling that that is what it is and would be if I were in that position.