AIBU to think using their voucher only on their share was rude?

[Dinnerdrama]

We were invited out to dinner with friends at the weekend.They planned to visit a particular restaurant and asked if we’d like to go along.
We had a nice enough meal, couple bottles of wine, liqueurs. All quite pleasant for a Friday night.
When the bill arrived one of our friends presented a voucher and asked for the bill to be halved and the voucher taken off theirs. The waiter seemed slightly bemused and repeated back the request. Our friend repeated and clarified they wanted the bill split and the voucher taken off their half.
I almost died of second hand mortification. Is this not CF of the highest order?! I wouldn’t dream of doing this when I invited people out. If I was that skint, I’d use the voucher as a couple and
not invite others along.
For the record, I have been out for a meal previously with them where I have had a voucher and I had the voucher taken off the whole bill and split the remainder.
Cannot believe the brass neck, it has put me off going out with them again. Massively embarrassed on their behalf, not sure why, they didn’t seem to be!!

The relevance is that if someone has given OP's friend a voucher for £100, they probably weren't intending them to spend it on food for other people.

OP is expecting to be the recipient of a gift that probably was not intended for her.

If the friends choose to share that gift then great, obviously that's up to them - but it's very weird to expect them to.

You are the grabby one here, wanting them to give you £50

Why are you mortified for them though? Clearly if they thought it was a mortifying way to behave, they wouldn’t have done it.

I never understand this bizarre idea of being embarrassed for someone.

So you would be happy to have paid £50 more than you needed to in order to save your friends £50? You may not be a miserable, tight fisted cunt but you sound a little bit lacking in sense.

Agreed. If we were somewhere and a friend produced a voucher to pay their part I would say “ooh you lucky thing!” and be chuffed for them. I personally would use the voucher to reduce the bill first then split if it were me, but equally don’t begrudge someone using it to pay their part. Doesn’t bother me in the slightest. I just like eating out with friends.

If they invite other people to join them on that meal/night away/ experience then I yes potentially. Not a night away maybe as you'd be paying your hotel bill seperately but others. I wouldn't be shocked or affronted if they didn't but I wouldn't think it all odd if they did.

And I would.

It has yet to be clarified. There is a poster claiming it has been, but my reading comprehension has failed me.

Same with the nuance that is being invited, or suggesting they join..

The OP has not been clear.

Yes, I would be happy to. And if I wasn't happy to I wouldn't have invited them out.

Interesting the different views on this. I am with you op and think their behaviour is really tight and rude. If I had a voucher I would always take it off the whole bill and then split the rest. Intriguing to me so many don’t see it that way. I wouldn’t be rushing to see them again if it was me - clearly others would be fine with it and thats their prerogative.

If I got the gift card/voucher for nothing what difference does it make? It's, therefore, not costing me anything, only saving people money. Same with accumulated Tesco points. I'd still have had to buy the stuff that built up the points anyway.

It's fine to choose to do this.

What's weird is expecting someone to do this and being 'mortified' that they don't, when it's essentially the same thing as cash.

The OP didn't say there was any mention of the voucher when they were invited out, they just asked if they fancied joining them at that restaurant. So unless she's omitted it, they never set up the expectation that there would be any part payment for OP and her OH.

I can perhaps see why OP's miffed about having done that herself before, but for all we know she might be in a better financial circumstance or it was a different type of voucher. And having done that shouldn't have been transactional IMO.

It is declassé to complain to all and sundry because a friend failed to return a favour, for it recasts your previous generosity as nothing of the sort, but merely a self-serving transactional move on your part.

Good point.

Apart from the fact that you previously used a voucher with them, I would say it's entirely normal to spend the voucher as cash and therefore on their side of the bill.

Years ago, I was given a voucher for a thermae spa for my birthday. It was for all day entry for one person. I had a friend who had always wanted to go, so we went. She paid for her own entry and I used my voucher for mine.
This thread has me now thinking I was a CF for doing it that way, and that I should have paid for half my entry, and half of hers.

Depends what type. If it was a money off voucher issued by the restaurant, then no. If it was a gift voucher bought as a present for a set amount I wouldn't expect a friend not to use or share.

Because as she stated, when the boot was on the other foot, OP took her voucher off the whole bill. It would make me decide I wouldn't be going out with them again, tight fuckers.

I agree that generally they do. But I've also found out that I've been bitched about behind my back when I've only laid for what I had, apparently it's childish and pathetic. I was pretty skint at the time so ordered accordingly. I could afford to subsidise other people's steaks and alcohol.

And then there's this lovely comment on here miserable, tight fisted c#nt. Id be gutted to know thats what people thought about me!

I cut people like that out of my life without a second thought. OP would be dropped like a hot potato if I was her friend and discovered this thread.

OP is the bitchy unreasonable one here, however anyone tries to explain it away. Her responses on the thread tell me everything I need to know.

She's not unreasonable. They are supposed to be friends. She has shared a voucher in the past with them. They did not reciprocate when they had a voucher in return. This is not behaviour I'd expect from friends and it would make me evaluate the friendship. Don't take other people's generosity if you have no intention of reciprocating, it's grabby.

this is a fascinating read with many of the folk declaring themselves virtuous for magnanimously sharing vouchers, where as what it seems to be is no virtuous behaviour at all, simply an inability to grasp a different viewpoint.
it’s really like TRA - a genuine feeling that they are on the right side of history but all it actually is is an inability to think.

It does matter. Which one was it?

Usually I would agree OP, but it seems like they had a £100 gift voucher so it was a gift from someone to THEM - anniversary gift? If that is the case then they were perfectly right not to share it with you.

Why should they share a personal gift with you?

It’s a gift voucher not a discount voucher, so you’re being totally unreasonable to expect them to share it with you! It may have been a gift so why should they share it?

Don't give something in the expectation that it will be reciprocated, and then claim your giving was an act of generosity. A selfless act does not come with the expectation of reciprocity. This is not behaviour I'd expect from friends and it would make me re-evaluate the friendship. It's grabby to give only in the expectation that you will receive.