AIBU to expect parents to tidy up in cafés?

[wrinklycactus]

Since having a baby I've had a different perspective on lots of things.. including the mess left by some parents in cafes/ restaurants with babies and toddlers in high chairs.

I was in M&S cafe yesterday looking for somewhere to sit with my toddler, and the only free table looked like an absolute bomb site - crumbs and spillages everywhere, high chair a total mess - they'd just left it for the poor staff to clean up.

I appreciate I only have one kid to think about, but I always clean up after feeding him in a cafe if we've made a massive mess (and we are BLW so we definitely do make a mess!)

Obviously I don't worry about every crumb but I couldn't live with leaving a table in the state that I saw yesterday.

I know there are circumstances where you have to leave in a rush and kids are having meltdowns etc, I'm not talking about that - just talking about generally leaving your bomb site for the staff to clean up or the next person to inherit!

AIBU to think this is just rude and inconsiderate?

I have a 1 & 2yr old. Sometimes it looks like there’s been a food fight once they’ve eaten. But as their parent, it’s my responsibility to clean up after them, not the staff. You wouldn’t leave your own dining room like that, so why would it ever be acceptable to leave a restaurant table/floor in a state. And what are you modelling to your children!

Uanbu and I wouldn't do it but I think some people go out to eat so they can make a mess and just walk away.

You can always tell when a table has been occupied by a family with young children because there’ll be mess everywhere and food all over the floor.
It just shows the general attitude of people nowadays.

Yes and the daft thing is that parents, out of everyone, will always be the ones to leave the house with a bag full of wipes and muslins.

It's not like they aren't well equipped to clean up their mess!

I agree. We also BLW with a nosy baby who would get distracted easily so made a lot of mess. We always clean up, and I’ve actually noticed a lot of times when we’re cleaning up or we ask for more napkins or a dustpan and brush, the staff often say they’re happy to clean up because they appreciate we’ve made an effort. It’s probably more of an issue in places like large M&S cafes where staffing has been cut to the bare bones and there just isn’t enough staff to clean up tables after they’re vacated anyway, regardless of the level of mess there.

I always cleaned up. I always had wipes and nappy bags with me so always gathered up crumbs and chunks of food and other detritus that had been left. I remember SIL asking someone in a cafe once for a dustpan and brush after a particularly messy lunch and the owner was astounded someone actually wanted to clean up.

Agreed. I used to ask for a sweeping brush and cloth if necessary to sort it.

Yeah and I think it's even worse really if it's somewhere big and understaffed, because they are run off their feet and have enough to do.

I'm not a cleaner/ cafe staff btw I just feel sorry for them!

YANBU but some places make it easier than others. When there are plenty of serviettes available to wipe down the table, a clear place to leave the used crockery and glasses, and bins to put rubbish in, it’s much easier than when there are none of those things. The chains, for all their weaknesses, get this and usually provide these things, but lots of independent places don’t.

Yanbu however when mine were little on many occasions when I started to clear up or asked for a dustpan and brush the staff insisted that they would do it and it was no problem. DS has a part time job in hospitality and they are not allowed to let diners clear up their own mess and always intervene if they see people doing it, as company policy.

So yanbu but there might be more to it.

YANBU. I always cleaned up after my DC. I remember going out with a few mums from a toddler group to a cafe once and they let the kids make a right mess - even playing around and opening lots of the sugar sachets in addition to the food that was everywhere. One even broke a salt pot - just told the staff it was broken without any apology or offer to pay.

I was so mortified and embarrassed. I pretended to take a while packing up and said I’d meet them outside so I could clean things up as soon as they had gone. I wasn’t confident enough back then to say something to them. But I certainly stopped meeting them!

I’ve also seen the look on staff faces when they go over to clear up tables like this and feel awful for them. Some clearing and cleaning is to be expected but not the level some people leave it - food fights would leave less mess!

💯 I always asked for a dustpan and brush if needed but 90% of the time the staff insisted it wasn’t necessary and they’d do it. I was scarred from working in a restaurant as a teen and having the clean up the most disgusting messes people with little kids left behind so I’d never want to do that to someone else.

When mine were babies I was so surprised to see people, including from my antenatal group who seemed fairly normal, just walk away and leave behind state.

YANBU at all, I always clean the highchair and floor, obv not every crumb but I make the effort. And put everything onto a plate/bowl so they don't have to touch half eaten food!

Some people are just filthy
What you describe is totally unacceptable. Good on you for doing the right thing.
Did you read about the woman who walked out of a cafe after her kid was sick and didn’t clear up? Pure filth.

YANBU but I don’t think this is an issue unique to those with children. Plus I also think (at least in my area) that a lot of staff is slow to clean the tables (ie if a table is dirty and someone sits there, they don’t come and clean, they’ll just then serve it like that).

In my country if you sit down at a dirty table (which is normal if it’s a busy place and you need to snap up a free table) first port of call is to go clean it, but I appreciate I’m from a touristy country so maybe there’s a bit of a laser focus on situations like that.

Totally agree OP. If your kid destroys a table, help clean it up!

My kids are older but I always tidied up after them. I went into Costa the other day and the only table coming free was a young couple with two children and the table was a mess. They said they were going - but made not effort to tidy up - leaving me with my tray - to tidy up their mess! So I got some paper cloth and cleaned the table as there was no way I was sitting amongst that mess. Made me wonder if they eat amongst mess at home...

I always clean up at the end, and as PPs, I've often been told not to bother as they would do it. But I'll always do as much as I can.

I once had my youngest in high chair, still eating, and a woman (another customer, not staff) said really loudly and snottily "oh look at the mess that baby's made on the floor." It was a handful of crumbs at most and I cleaned them up at the end as always, but I sure wanted to dump them on her head! 🤣

It's rude but staff should be available to clean when someone leaves. Also how do you clean it with no cleaning materials and dustpan and brush. But definitely should tidy.

I wouldn't leave a table in a complete mess but neither do I see it as my responsibility to make it ready and fit for the next customer.

I have seen some absolutely disgusting messes in cafes and coffee shops where people have just walked away leaving bits of food, crumbs, smears of sauce all over the table. Also no attempt at all to put plates, cups, cutlery together, again just spread all over the table. Crumbs and food all over the floor.

I can't help thinking they live like that as surely anyone that is clean and tidy at home would be the same when out?

Not unreasonable at all. I have a 2 year old and a 6 month old who is now into BLW so I’m very conscious that we are definitely not tidy eaters but I always always clean the table, ask for a brush to sweep mess off the floor, wipe down highchair etc before we leave, I couldn’t imagine leaving it in a state.

That said though I think some people are just like this, children or not. Every time we go to McDonalds we see adults just leave all the mess on the table and walk out- walking out right past the bin- rather than take their own rubbish away.

This horrifies me too! I have a two year old, and I’d never not clean up. I’ve even asked staff for a dustpan and brush on occasion!

I've never seen anyone ask for the dustpan and brush in a cafe myself. At most I'd put everything on the plate or tray and maybe a quick wipe with a napkin.