AIBU to expect parents to tidy up in cafés?

[wrinklycactus]

Since having a baby I've had a different perspective on lots of things.. including the mess left by some parents in cafes/ restaurants with babies and toddlers in high chairs.

I was in M&S cafe yesterday looking for somewhere to sit with my toddler, and the only free table looked like an absolute bomb site - crumbs and spillages everywhere, high chair a total mess - they'd just left it for the poor staff to clean up.

I appreciate I only have one kid to think about, but I always clean up after feeding him in a cafe if we've made a massive mess (and we are BLW so we definitely do make a mess!)

Obviously I don't worry about every crumb but I couldn't live with leaving a table in the state that I saw yesterday.

I know there are circumstances where you have to leave in a rush and kids are having meltdowns etc, I'm not talking about that - just talking about generally leaving your bomb site for the staff to clean up or the next person to inherit!

AIBU to think this is just rude and inconsiderate?

I never see this tbh! I only have one as well but I always clean up after him. I actually prefer it when staff give me a dustpan when I ask for it, when I ask and get told they'll clean it, I always end up picking up the bulk of it with a wet wipe which is way dirtier for my hands than if I'd had the brush and pan!

Are you sure staff didn't tell them to leave it? That's the only thing I can think of!

Though I do see the state of most highchairs 🤢

But what are you defining as 'cleaning'? If your DC made the same amount of mess pps have described, would you literally walk away from it and expect the staff to clean it all up, just because that's what you did when you had a business? Because if so, I think it's highly ironic that you're preaching about manners and courtesy.

Even if your kid has chucked massive lumps of food all over the place and smeared ketchup all over the high chair?

There's a level off mess that you'd reasonably expect cafe/ restaurant staff to clean, and then there's another level (usually caused by babies and toddlers) where it's really courteous to do at least some of it yourself.

I am a parent so not anti-children in any way and I don't really have an opinion either way on dogs being in cafes. Not sure why that's coming up so much.

I just think parents should be courteous enough to clean up a bit if their little ones leave a bombsite.

I do this too, I took my 2 year old and 10 month old to lunch on Monday and made a terrible mess as expected. I got a couple of baby wipes and got the main pieces off the floor and wiped the table! I’d be embarrassed if I left our table in a state. I know it’s not my responsibility but I wouldn’t be able to help myself

But if a child is small enough to make a mess, surely a parent has wipes etc on them?

I just sweep up the mess and put the wipes on the dirty plates.

I don't make it immaculate because as a customer I'd want a proper staff wipe as per the other tables, but I leave it no worse than if adults shared the meal.

It sets a good example to the children too, my son and all his little pals get involved with wiping and stacking plates too.

A good business wouldn't expect their customers to start cleaning. I was a good business that is why I just got to it and cleaned without a fuss!

I'd probably give the child and their surroundings a bit of a mopping up with a muslin or napkin but no more. It's for the cafe staff to get the dining area ready for the next customer.

It's not a matter of a business expecting customers to clean (and it's not really cleaning is it?) it's a matter of decent customers not leaving an area where they sat and ate a disgusting mess.

If you are clean and tidy at home why would you suddenly decide that leaving a place looking like a bomb hit it is acceptable?

It's as automatic to me (and DH) to leave a place tidy and, not going overboard on cleaning, not disgustingly filthy whether it's a cafe, coffee shop, restaurant or holiday let

Mind you, having cleaned hotel rooms and holiday cottages in the past I know just what pigs so many people can be and they then expect someone else to clear up after them.

Why is it that most people on the thread disagree with you, then?

You are the reason people would rather cater to dogs than children. Dogs are at least tied up and under control. It's not the kids, it's the few skanky parents who don't control their kids or clean up after them.

Well obviously I'm not expecting people to wash the dishes and lay out new napkins and cutlery for the next customer!

But if your kid/ you have left an absolute tip then you should clean it until it's at least a more normal level that a regular customer would leave!

Glad to hear you'd wipe down your child 😂 I don't think the staff are paid to do that by anyone's standards.

Usually a dog isn't eating its meal in a café, though. Kids are horrifically messy eaters.. toddlers the worst. They just haven't learned fine motor skills yet not least table manners. That's normal of course. Parents should clear up the worst of it after them so that it's no more messy than if adults had been there.

Dogs aren't really a comparison here, because they do not eat their actual meals in cafés. It's very rare for a dog owner in a café to open a tin of pedigree chum and start unloading kibble into a dog bowl. Even if they did, dogs just eat. They don't play squeeze and explore their food like toddler humans naturally do.

No excuse, it only takes a few seconds to use a serviette and brush crumbs/spillage into a bowl or plate. I had four kids and we always left it tidy and clean after us.
It’s the same shite attitude that dog owners who don’t up after their pooches.

Like anything it’s a matter of proportionality.
A few crumbs fallen off a high chair and a a ripped up napkin -fine. It’s to be expected
Mashed up muffin, emptied sugar packets, bits of pasta and sauce everywhere, ketchup squeezed all over the table indicates youve allowed them to make more of a mess than is necessary. Expecting others to clean it up is disrespectful.
No one is expecting you to mop floors or be on your hands and knees picking up every tiny crumb. It is the staffs job to clean messes that are reasonably expected. When it’s excessive or unneccessary mess some attempt at clearing it and picking up chunks of food and not just leaving it is surely just common sense.

Seen it quite a few times in makkies. Eat some , leave the rest , drinks, sauce pots spread all over the table , the staff have enough to do without having to clean up a table of mess

I always ensure the table is left relatively tidy/sweeped into the plate etc but I won't be getting on the floor they have brooms for that I do leave a tip though if it's particularly bad.
My daughter is now to the point she cleans after herself in restaurants (by using half a bloody pack of baby wipes 😡)

But what is your idea of a complete mess? It could be vastly different from the next person. I worked in hospitality when a student. The public in general are disgustingly and rude but parents take it to a whole new level. We once had a child VOMIT on the table. The parents and other children continued eating then got up and left. That was truly vile.

we never leave a cafe without tidying everything up, brushing any crumbs onto plates and either leaving crockery correctly stacked so staff can easily take it away or I’ll stack everything onto the tray and return it to staff if possible. Working in hospitality is thankless enough without adding to their workload.

To be fair I never gave my toddlers free rein with ketchup and things like that. With bits of food everywhere I tend to pick up as we go rather than leave it to the end. As I've said I'd stack the plates and put everything on them but I wouldn't wipe or ask for a dustpan and brush. I'm not spending money on a service to do the work myself.

What is BLW? Yes, I agree it is rank and inconsiderate when parents don't clean up their mess in cafes.

BLW = baby led weaning. So more finger food baby can eat independently as opposed to spoon feeding them. BLW is messier.

Sadly OP some people are just skanks. Entitled skanks.

I dare say customers who knew they could leave your premises like a shit tip thought you were a brilliant business, because you were enabling their inconsiderate behaviour (and probably reinforcing it, if you had a lot of repeat business.) Your prerogative how you chose to run your business, but if every business did it the entitled attitudes and downright feraldom some people practise (e.g leaving shit and vomit for poorly paid staff to clean up, as people on this thread have witnessed) would become even more widespread. Just saying.

So I ran my business pre covid when you were expected to be nice to customers and deliver good customer service, if not then you would expect a bad review and yes that did include cleaning up after very messy customers without showing annoyance. Believe it or not, this new way of huffing and puffing and treating customers like they are the enemy is a relatively new phenomenon.

I think the COVID years have done a lot to normalise poor customer service.