to think some retired people completely forget what it’s like to be working full time?

[cupofcup]

I know retirement is not always easy and older people can have health issues, caring responsibilities etc. But I do think some people genuinely forget what it is like to juggle work, commuting, childcare, housework and just basic life admin all at once.

My DM is retired and will often say how busy she is because she has shopping on Tuesday and a doctor’s appointment on Friday. That is apparently an exhausting week. She is in good health and active. Meanwhile most working people are fitting those things around 40+ hour working weeks.

My retired neighbour constantly comments on how awful another neighbour’s garden looks and how she should tidy it up. The neighbour she is talking about is a working mum with young children who leaves the house at 7am every day. My retired neighbour has a gardener.

Obviously NOT ALL retired people are like this at all. Some are incredibly understanding and helpful. But others seem to completely lose perspective on how relentless working life can be, especially with children.

Yes, in some cases. But I think that’s true when you step out of any situation. I WFH full time now, and when I do a couple of in person office days in a week I feel absolutely floored and can’t fathom how people do it all the time!! But it doesn’t register with me day to day how different my colleagues days are to mine the rest of the time because I’m outside of that world now. Ditto the realities of having a newborn.

Yes I absolutely agree with you. However, what you don't know yet (and I really hope you live long enough to find out) is what it's like to be getting old and to know, deep down, that you are really mostly looking at decline and death and increasing irrelevance. So finding things to get het up about occupies the soul and many, many people just don't have the insight into their own psychology to know that that's what they're doing.
Sadly.

Yeah, we only do it to piss you off. One of the manifold perks of retirement. Older people don't exist to be 'understanding and helpful'. Some of us like to be selfish and infuriating after 40-odd years of captivity.

I know what you mean. It isn’t just retired people though, it can just be anyone without a FT job tbh. Our NDN are way too invested in what most of the street gets up to. They do work but it’s a dog walking business so they’re at home a lot and it gives them too much time to ruminate on absolute bullshit.

I don't work, but have 3 kids which is a full time job.

I speak to my Mum bless and she is like "I am so tired I went out for lunch with Laura and then had to the garden center."

I think this is definitely true of some people.

This is true. Another one of my retired neighbours watches what time I start and leave work and comments if I was early and late.

But do you not have any sympathy for those still in that captivity?

You personally, I mean.

I think you need to hold your judgement untill you retire. At the moment you have no idea what it feels like to age at that stage in life .

OP are you resentful that people are not giving you enough recognition for how busy and tiring your life is?

I took early retirement and I do agree with you to a degree. I’m a member of a wellbeing club that meets in the evening and the topic one week was making time for you and recognising that you can’t do everything and working out what was priority. Hearing how those who are working struggled to fit everything in made us realise how quickly you forget. If something doesn’t get done one day, it can get done another it doesn’t matter. I’ve a few friends who are retired and we try to meet up. We often wonder how we had time to work!

Why should your mum have to remember? this is how she feels NOW

Are her feelings - about herself - less valid that those of a 40 year old with 3 kids?

This is clearly an excuse for yet more MN-sanctioned ageist bullshit so just own it OP

I’m old and I know what you mean. I have friends who talk like they are sooo busy and they don’t know how they had time to work. I reality they mean they are shopping, going to the gym, meeting friends for a coffee and gardening. All things we did when working full time. We aren’t busy. Just don’t have as much to think about.

😂😂

Don't forget the elderly have so much less stamina and DO get tired much more easily. There is absolutely no comparison in energy levels between 40 & 60.

I'm still working full time at an age which once would have been considered a retiring age (albeit in a much much less demanding job), and I am exhausted by it. Literally in bed by 8pm daily, even at weekends. 20 years ago I'd have gone out after work, or done a supermarket shop, or gone to have my hair done. Now, I stagger in through the front door onto the sofa.

Oh I know, I am being silly.

No but I am annoyed being judged on things like I bought ready made food instead of making from scratch etc.

Not if they're the self-pitying ageist sort, no.

I'm heading for 60 and not retired yet, I'm part time currently. But, speaking only for myself, I can see myself slowing down. Things I would have fitted in before or after work, can now take up half a day or more. Tasks seem to expand to fill the time available rather than me being able to cram more in. 2 or 3 appointments/errands per week would seem quite busy to me now.

I was a single parent working in the office full time before, so I know what truly being busy is! But you will often find me saying now, where has the day gone? Because time just seems to go so fast.

It doesn't take long to get used to whatever life you are living. I don't know how I managed before but I guess I was younger and had more energy and basically just got on with it. Now I'm used to taking my time with things more and I'm knackered!

Yep! My mum has started entering this phase. She retired coming up to four years ago and has suddenly forgotten what it’s like to be actually busy. She’ll call me to tell me she’s got a packed week and she’s so tired, but it’s just lunches and coffee dates. Just a year ago, she was scoffing at her fellow retirees for being like that.

Granted it’s all subjective and definitely relative as you age.

Nobody knows how anybody will feel at any stage of life. I have a retired friend who runs marathons and DM who will only walk for 10 minutes because she finds doing more boring (she is capable of walking more).

I had this convo with my cousin today. Our DM's both tell us things like we should choose one thing to deep clean every week, go to this shop / cafe / hobby. Neither have ever worked & life has been easy for them time wise. They just don't get what it's like to juggle everything without every day, all day, being free.

My FIL, who worked his entire life until a few years ago, just doesn't care. He calls DH every day with a new demand. I've had to put my foot down on that as we're all burning out.

Them being busy and tired is no reflection on you op it is fine you are allowed your own busy and tired !

Come back in 30 years and tell us how you’re feeling.

If you’re asking whether or not some people in one situation find it difficult to understand or remember what it’s like to be in a different situation, then: yes.

If you want to make ageist generalisations then: no