to think some retired people completely forget what it’s like to be working full time?

[cupofcup]

I know retirement is not always easy and older people can have health issues, caring responsibilities etc. But I do think some people genuinely forget what it is like to juggle work, commuting, childcare, housework and just basic life admin all at once.

My DM is retired and will often say how busy she is because she has shopping on Tuesday and a doctor’s appointment on Friday. That is apparently an exhausting week. She is in good health and active. Meanwhile most working people are fitting those things around 40+ hour working weeks.

My retired neighbour constantly comments on how awful another neighbour’s garden looks and how she should tidy it up. The neighbour she is talking about is a working mum with young children who leaves the house at 7am every day. My retired neighbour has a gardener.

Obviously NOT ALL retired people are like this at all. Some are incredibly understanding and helpful. But others seem to completely lose perspective on how relentless working life can be, especially with children.

All this time you have been checking and posting on here. Some of that time you could have called your dad, put that time to some actual use but you chose to put utter rubbish on here instead. Your dad has a point. I call my dad at least 3-4 times a week, I prioritise the time, you could to if you put your mind to it. Once he's gone you will regret everything you said on here

My parents were similar - I was working shifts as a midwife with 4 DCs and a stepDD, the youngest only 10 months old. I was working one May BH Monday and it was boiling and my mother rang my mobile repeatedly all day. They retired at 60 and never lifted a finger again. When I finally had a minute to call her back she said “I’m very disappointed that you haven’t been to shampoo our carpets!!” It was the final straw to be honest. When I asked why they hadn’t ring my brother with no kids who worked Monday to Friday 9-5 not including bank holidays she said “oh we couldn’t ask him, he’s so busy”. Yet when they worked running a pub they had absolutely no time whatsoever for family, never mind shampooing their carpets! They also dragged me out in the snow one Christmas Eve saying they had no food and I dragged myself round a supermarket leaving my own family at home only to find a neighbour had done the same for them the day before and I couldn’t even get it all in the fridge and cupboards!

It fractured our relationship which never recovered after years of this kind of thing. I am determined never to become an entitled, demanding narcissist when I retire!!

That’s dreadful. Selfish twunts.

I’ve been retired 7 years but the novelty hasn’t worn off yet. I’m still absolutely thrilled not to have to get up at 7am to go to work.

6 years retired and still get up early........ to do fuck all 'til 9am earliest! 😆

I said like a full time job

Yes, that’s the best part -don’t have to leap out of bed, shower, wash hair (only every 3days now), no make up -brill

🤣🤣👏🏻👏🏻 do you walk around supermarkets at a snails pace on purpose, too? And pull out in front of people then drive at 6 mph? Just to irritate the workers who are rushing around? I've got to say, I'm quite looking forward to this! 😂

Sounds like there is some sexism here too.

I was going away on holiday and DM insisted I buy something for her and bring it to her as she needed it so badly. I was really pushed for time but I did it. She didn't use it for a year 🙄

Jeez you just sound so angry and bitter! Talk to your DM I suggest rather than being abrupt on mumsnet. If her comments or demands are annoying you this much then tell her. Or maybe change your job so you do have more time in the evenings for hobbies? You're jumping down everyone's throat here 🤷‍♀️

No she's not. People are completely failing to understand what she has written multiple times. It's almost obviously deliberate at this point.

I am semi retired now at 49, my husband fully retired at 55. But we have been there, him working 60 hour weeks and often away, me juggling babies, animals, work, running a house often single handed. I found I got into a routine and it was exhausting but also manageable, we had extremely busy lives and very little down time, but I was also young, had no aches and pains, was full of energy etc. Now my much easier life also seems exhausting, I’m never woken up by an alarm clock, although am a naturally early riser, my days still seem very full. I can honestly say I don’t know how I used to do it all. I will also say that I have so few things to worry about now that the smallest of things can really stress me out. 15 years ago I had so much on my plate that one more thing to worry about didn’t really impact me. I think it’s just about perspectives really.

I dunno. I do sort of agree, but then again I also think retired people have probably earned the right to slow down and fill their life with smaller things. You say she is active. Maybe she is spending her days on hobbies and small projects that you don’t see. Also remember that older people can tire more easily, so what she feels is a busy day is busy for her, even if it’s not to you looking in. Even if she’s only did some housework, did some jobs in the garden, met a friend for coffee and got some shopping.
I don’t think it does us any good mentally to get into mean spirited comparisons about how our lives are so much harder/busier/more stressful than other peoples.

You are part of the generation she says ‘typically’ wouldn’t have two working parents. It’s her mum in her early 60s she’s using as her example. I’m 61. Literally none of my friends gave up work when they had kids. I don’t know a single SAHM from our generation (though obviously there are some - it just wasn’t ‘typical’ as that poster suggested). Yes, for our parents - who would now be in their 80s+ it was more common to be a SAHM, though my mum wasn’t and neither were most of my friends’ mums.

It’s a bit wild how many people aren’t understanding the point of your post.

I totally agree. I don’t begrudge my mother’s retirement and I completely get that her energy levels are not going to be the same as when she was younger. The frustrating part is she makes zero attempt to understand that not all lives are like hers yet expects everyone else to be flexible around her. She is incapable (or unwilling) to understand that when I am working I am unable to take her calls, that her definition of urgent isn’t remotely objective, and that if I spend a Saturday morning with her then it means certain other things in my life cannot happen. Her tolerance seems to have taken a nosedive, and she has become more self-preoccupied. Other relatives who have retired early (due to wealth, and the are much younger and energetic) also act very similarly. They expect constant compromise from others and refuse to meet anyone part way on anything, making snide comments when you express any sort of boundaries around your time.

Maybe I just know terrible people.

How dare she call you lazy when she's never even had a job! My ex-MIL never worked after she got married and she was a martyr to doing housework the hard way, no new fangled appliances like automatic washing machines for her. She still used a twin-tub and a flipping mangle in the early 1990s. They were well-off btw so it wasn't that they couldn't afford new appliances.

Glad you have noticed too. It is like people can't read.

Maybe they are too bitter and angry....

OP's mum has never worked though. I'm not sure what she's retired from. Of course she can enjoy their twice weekly appointments and trip to the garden centre, but she shouldn't be calling OP lazy because she doesn't have time to do as much housework as she did.

I am not getting into mean spirited discussions about who has it harder than who.

It is not about older people getting tired.

Try reading the OP.

I work full time with 2 primary aged children and my mum does this and everyone always expects me to arrange family get togethers (despite the fact my parents are retired and my sister is single without kids and works a part time job). They are all always “so busy” and apparently I have loads of time (despite the fact my youngest is a nightmare going to bed so I get about an hour to myself in the evening when I’m actually trying to do all my life admin)!

I'm 62. My mum worked full time from when we were all at school, cooked from scratch and had a lovely house and garden. There were three of us.

Tbf, you'd have been quicker baking bread.

Not you as well 😂

What do you do?

Don't you think you're now taking this a bit too far? We're all different.

Don’t do it and say why,

’sorry, I work full time and have two kids and don’t have the time to organise this (or any) get together’ and stick to it.