to think some retired people completely forget what it’s like to be working full time?

[cupofcup]

I know retirement is not always easy and older people can have health issues, caring responsibilities etc. But I do think some people genuinely forget what it is like to juggle work, commuting, childcare, housework and just basic life admin all at once.

My DM is retired and will often say how busy she is because she has shopping on Tuesday and a doctor’s appointment on Friday. That is apparently an exhausting week. She is in good health and active. Meanwhile most working people are fitting those things around 40+ hour working weeks.

My retired neighbour constantly comments on how awful another neighbour’s garden looks and how she should tidy it up. The neighbour she is talking about is a working mum with young children who leaves the house at 7am every day. My retired neighbour has a gardener.

Obviously NOT ALL retired people are like this at all. Some are incredibly understanding and helpful. But others seem to completely lose perspective on how relentless working life can be, especially with children.

My mum NEVER worked!!! She stopped shortly after they got married to have my sister - this was back in the 1970s

She has literally NO IDEA of what it’s like working full time and doing everything in the house.

As a result I find it very difficult to speak to her - me saying I’ve got to go now I’ve got work to do means she replies with all the jobs she ‘has to get done’ - washing her hair, put a wash on etc etc - you know, all the things us working people manage daily to fit in with working full time!!!

And, many retirees look after grandchildren for 8 hrs a day til the children attend school. And then limit their activities (fun and chores) to school hours to give pre and post school care. Often without payment. Most have worked full time for 40 years or more before this retirement.

Suggest that your elderly neighbour asks her gardener to include her neighbour's front yard along with her own for a few months.

Tell her it would be so kind and akin to winning Tattslotto for the young working Mum.

Everyone's health dictates their capacity for life. Everyone's best is different.

Well because most retired people are pensioners. That's what the word pensioner means, you are retired therefore you collect your pension so you are a pensioner. Carnt belive I'm explaining this.

most of us don't?
I can spend 5mn on MN while I am waiting for a phone call or when I print something. I haven't got 45mn to watch tv, I do need sleep at some point.

Evenings are for the gym, finishing a few bits from work and studying. Other people have kids that demand more attentions, have to meal prep etc.

I have one older brother and I won't be looking after him.

What upset me was my aunt didnt text me nicely and ask me if i could do something to help my mother.

My aunt texted me and said "you should be ashamed of yourself. Why are you not here looking after your mother".

Her message made me cry. I replied that i have to work.

But you want your aunt to look after your mum?

Did I write that? No I didn't. You just made that up.

I don't want my aunt to look after my mum.

I want my mum to pay for a carer. She can afford to pay for one but refuses to do so, as she "doesnt want someone coming into the house"

I think the truth is that whatever your situation you struggle to remember or realise what life is like on the other side and can have a 'grass is greener' perception that the other person's life is easier.

When ex DH and I swapped roles and I worked full time was he was sahd this became immediately clearer. He recognised that my day hadnt been all playdates and coffees and I could appreciate that 'swanning off to the office' for grown up time wasnt always the bed of roses it had seemed.

My parents are always 'busy' but I am glad for them. I have to accept that they are older so a day out of the house is more tiring for them even if it is 'just' hospital appointments and lunches. Navigating an increasingly tech driven world of contactless parking, electronic check in, busier roads etc is harder for them than it is for me.

Yes I hear you. When my mum says 'you work too many hours' I wonder how she thinks i would pay my bills if I didnt, but its easier to be calmer when you remember that everyone is a product of their environment and it is easy to forget how the shoe fits on the other foot.

That said some people are judgemental knobs, at all life stages including but not limited to retirement, and thats just life

You speak for most of us? Surely it's how you organise your day and prioritise things. For all my kids ive managed to have down time and a career

Except when I worked time I rarely did any of those things because work stopped me, so now I do them and don’t have time for work. It’s a way of recognising how bloody horrible it was to be busy with things I didn’t choose and how nice it is to be busy with things I did choose.

you know what they say, if you want something done, ask a busy person.

Some people can genuinely not comprehend what being busy mean. How many posters on here, old or young, that's irrelevant, are so BUSY but spend their time watching tv and their weekends in pjs slobbing around 😂

It's not just retired people, it's people who are also very disorganised.

Let me guess. You are of retired age? As you seem to think I am just selfishly refusing to take care of my mum, when in fact I HAVE TO WORK. I have a job.

I know! Its mumsnet busy olympics

if it takes you the same amount of time to write 2 lines than it takes you to watch an entire movie, I can see why it's puzzling for you 😂

I understand OP. When I'm reaching burnout I'm told to make time for myself- as if! With work and kids it's a full schedule, all the time.

I remember when my dad retired then asked me to do his Christmas shopping for him as he was too busy golfing. I did put that down to him being a sexist old git rather than forgetting what it was like to have a job.

No im not. You're the one who said your aunt was retired so she can deal with your mum.

My exMIL was the same and always very vocal.

I’m sure she was a busy woman as a teacher and mother of 4, but she conveniently always forgot to include her 3 maids (one of them live-in) in the equation.

No I didn't write that at all actually. Go back and look. You made that up

I wrote "my aunt is retired". Full stop.

The point being that retired people dont realise that we have to work. My auntie seems to think i can just drop everything to help my mother, even though i work full time and live two hours away.

My aunt doesnt think about me working, or the responsibilities of work, as she is retired.

I think it is important to avoid generalisations.
I am acutely aware of how busy my AC are with their families; but what they do not know is how the buggerations of declining health during later years can make small things more of an effort than one might imagine when young and fit.

I’m late 50s and my dh is mid 60s. We have separate houses. I work full time and he is retired. His busy day consists of hoovering and shopping. I do more than that before I leave for work at 7.30am then start again when I finish. I also run a social group and sometimes do work in the evening.

So whats the relevance of your aunt being retired?

But OP hadn't wrote 2 lines. OP has started a thread and keeps responding. In this time OP could have watched TV show instead