to think some retired people completely forget what it’s like to be working full time?

[cupofcup]

I know retirement is not always easy and older people can have health issues, caring responsibilities etc. But I do think some people genuinely forget what it is like to juggle work, commuting, childcare, housework and just basic life admin all at once.

My DM is retired and will often say how busy she is because she has shopping on Tuesday and a doctor’s appointment on Friday. That is apparently an exhausting week. She is in good health and active. Meanwhile most working people are fitting those things around 40+ hour working weeks.

My retired neighbour constantly comments on how awful another neighbour’s garden looks and how she should tidy it up. The neighbour she is talking about is a working mum with young children who leaves the house at 7am every day. My retired neighbour has a gardener.

Obviously NOT ALL retired people are like this at all. Some are incredibly understanding and helpful. But others seem to completely lose perspective on how relentless working life can be, especially with children.

Oh give over.

My parents moan about being exhausted from rolling out of bed at 8:30, gardening, having a kip in the day and lazing around all afternoon. Does my head in

I had almost two years off working due to ill heath. When I went back to work part time I was exhausted and really struggled with everything and that was part time. I remember wondering how I managed full time on top of everything else. Now im back in full time work including studying part time on top of house and kids but I find this a lot easier then when I started working again after 2 yrs off.

My mum worked as a doctor till she was 60. She’s now 85. When we meet, she pleads with me not to text or call in the week. She says, ‘even a text takes time when you are busy with life and stressed’. No guilt trip at all from her.

Ehh. Exactly What this thread is talking about.

Retired people like my aunt, don't seem to realise that people have jobs and responsibilities.

My auntie expected me to be able to drop everything to help my mother even though i work full time and live two hours away.

My aunt doesnt think about people's work responsibilities, because she doesnt work herself.

One day you will grow an understanding, but it won't happen overnight. Bit by bit you will understand the toil age takes on people's health, especially for those who have not been life-long shirkers. Bit by bit you will find things more difficult to do, like being out of breath after having run after a bus, you will find your fingers less compliant when you try to play an instrument or even buttoning things. And I am not talking 70-year old, I am talking 45 - that is when all functions begin to diminish.
In any case, they deserve to say 'tired/exhausting', they have worked all their lives (I assume). They have done their 40 hours per week, plus managed to look after the garden.

I was recently chatting to an elderly neighbour, who said she could 'never work out' where we go every day...Work. We go to work. She looked very surprised!

You mean your relatives - your mistake is trying to "win" the conversation and prove how very busy you are by explaining- they don't want to hear it. If your mum gets or got her value from cooking from scratch bully for her but she's not you. You can't stop people saying things you can only alter your reaction. So tell your mum that if all she wants to do is criticise then you will leave the house.

They just don't think about work at all.

Many of what generation? Those early in retirement definitely have experience of both working while having children - that’s been the case for a very long time. My mum would have been 96 next month and she worked when I was little - as did many of her contemporaries. She wasn’t unusual.

If you are exhausted because you work full time and have two kids that is the life you chose! No one pointed a gun at your head.

I think it's a well known principle that your tasks expand to fit the time available. It does make me laugh when my parents can't do anything for an entire week before going on holiday because they're too busy getting ready for their holiday, when I'm frantically packing and organising around working full time, for a couple of days before

Em they do point a gun at our head to work. I was unemployed for a short time. God, i was called into so many job centre meetings and treated like shit until i got a job

It's probably genuine.

The less you do, the more overwhelmed you become and more lazy you become. Being inactive is terrible for your physical and mental health, and you start drowning in nothing at all.

It's so true that people who keep very active and busy stay young.

I have a relative who can be a bit like this. I find when there are too many ‘oh what an exhausting week I’ve had with a lunch, dentist appointment and shopping trip ALL in one week!’, a gentle rib about ‘imagine squeezing all that in around a 40 hour working week as well?!’ helps them with perspective!

Wise observations x

What annoyed me about my aunt is she retired early, lives in a lovely house.

I work fulltime and have a hectic life. She sent me a message saying "you should be ashamed of yourself for not looking after my mother". She didnt send that message to ny brother.

I grew up in Ireland where women are constantly expected to be the caregivers for elderly parents. Its the same in other countries too, I know.

My Irish friend moved to Canada and has a great life there. She came home to Ireland to visit and she told me that she was sorry she came home at all.

She said when she was at home her parents, and aunts, uncles all said to her "you should be at home looking after your parents, when are you coming home". They were horrible to her.

She is not coming home. I wont sacrifice my life to take care of my elderly mother either. She can get a carer.

If you start feeling that bad, can't button things and out of breath running after a bus at 45 or even at 70, when 80 years old still run marathons, travel the world and have a perfectly normal life

I'd suggest you get a Personal Trainer Urgently and start moving before you lose all your chance to get back to normal!

Use it or lose it, but declining at 45 is not normal. Many women (or men) have kids that barely start primary school at that age, they're not ancient 😂

I agree, I know some elderly pensioners who have been retired for 30 years.

However, there are some things that can help like;

Online shopping delivered or click & collect shopping

Regular medication delivered by pjarmacy or GP surgery

Paying for cleaner, gardener, carer, helper

Helping when it is comvenient to you, rather than convenient to you

One of the things I hadn’t considered about getting older is how much longer things take. I am in my 70s, I’m healthy, I’m fit and active, and it pisses me off that I just can’t do things as quickly as I used to. I’m faster than my 80 year old husband, so I guess it’ll just get worse.

I hope I don’t judge others who have more demands on their time, but when I say ‘I’ve been busy this week’ and I’ve done comparatively few things, it’s because those things have filled a lot of time.

No, Ive never forgotten what it was like to work two jobs, do the school run, all appointments etc because I did it twice. I brought up my grandchildren and started again at 40. I told my eldest dd I did not want any more childcare duties but she was very supportive with the boys, so I wanted to repay this.

I help out but its not too much. I do enjoy it. But the longer you are away from it, the bigger the fear sometimes is of being tied down, overburdened or it being exhausting.

I am still programmed to panic about getting back in time for the school run years after they ended.

Perhaps but it winds me up no end.

Above comment should say

Help when it is convenient to you !

My mother and mil can be like this. Mil thinks we can drop everything at any whim she has although she has got better. My mother was very set in her timetable though despite being retired she would do her shopping on a Saturday then complain about how busy it was. I said ‘why not do it on a different day like a Friday?’ ‘Oh no I do my washing on a Friday!’ Well one of another day mon-Fri when you have every day free? No, because that’s her schedule, don’t moan then.

My mother is similar - she likes to say she started working full time at 15 like it’s a badge of honour. What she fails to mention is that she then gave up paid work at 23 when she got married.

She also likes to give me career advice which has little to no relevance in the modern world of work. And has no concept of having to fit everything around a 40 hour work week.

understandable!

But I find it so sad, when people make their own world so narrow, and pretty much give up on life.

But then some people (claim they) were having a blissful time in the lockdown when they could potter at home all day doing nothing else but craft and baking banana bread. Hell on earth for the rest of us.