About relative insisting on splitting the bill?

[Beachdays13]

Where do people stand on splitting the bill? Because I’m not sure if I’m being the tight one here.

I have a relative and when we go out for meals he always insists on splitting the bill between everyone. I’ll explain a couple of the scenarios.

So once we went for a meal, there was around 10 people. I was pregnant so not drinking and had my (then 4yo) ds with me. Ds didn’t have his own meal he just shared a bit of mine and my husbands food.

A lot of people had a few alcohol drinks each, starters, sides. At the end of the meal relative announced we would split the bill equally including for my ds who hadn’t even had his own meal. It was a birthday so I felt I didn’t want to ruin the mood by saying no.

A few years later another birthday meal. Dh and I went without our children. We didn’t have drinks or starters, I actually ended up sharing half of my food with my niece because her parents ask if she could share. I didn’t mind because she was being fussy and I know how it can be with kids.

Once again most people had alcohol, starters etc. relative announces that we will split the bill equally, including niece. My nieces parent then pipes up that niece didn’t have anything, but didn’t offer to cover some of my bill. So I ended up paying an equal share even though I had half a meal and a soft drink.

I know I could speak up but this relative doesn’t ask he just announces.

Aibu to think they all sound like cheeky fuckers?

Announce it when you sit down to eat or as you order. You’ll probably find that you’re not the only ones who wants to pay for their own meals and not split the bill

places Can do separate bills these days. So suggest that when the waiter comes over.

No one else ever complains but literally your relative spoke up and said your niece didn’t have a meal?

I've voted yabu as who died and made him King of dining out decisions???

Should do what I do I'm those situations, put down what I've eaten/drank and fuck the rest.

It isn’t going to change unless you change it. When you place orders, ask the waiter/ waitress to make a separate bill for your family as you will pay separately.

You need to speak to the relative before the meal. Get it agreed in advance

Places where you order with an app have made it so much easier for everyone to pay their own way.

I didn't like it at first but I'm quite keen now.

Time to start using this to your advantage.. it’s going to happen so start ordering the starter, good meal etc

I agree that niece’s parents should have either paid for her to have a portion of what you had or ordered something non spicy themselves. I would only go out with them in future if the bill was split properly. The overassertive bloke is probably benefiting from not paying for the full cost of his meal. If other people don’t like you speaking up for yourself tough.

The person who spends the least at the meal should decide the bill.

The same way neices parents said neice didnt have food you can say you didnt have drinks

I’m a teetotaller and if I’m in a group for dinner or drinks I always make it clear from the offset that I’ll only be paying for what I order. I make sure I know how much it costs, add on 20% for the tip and that is all I pay. I was stung so many times I just won’t do it anymore …

I put yabu because it’s happened a few times and you’ve let it go so he probably thinks it’s ok.

You won’t look tight. He will look tight: you are subsidising him!!

You just have to be the one who says that it’s actually not fair. You’ll get huffing and puffing but that’s because your uncle likes to pay less than his actual costs.

She should pay her daughters share - so 3/4 0f the bill.

I guarantee she absolutely knows she's using you. No-one is so thick they couldn't see the unfairness if this set-up.
She KNOWS.
Her daughters KNOW.

The 3 of them are taking the piss and you are mug enough to play along. More fool you.

People should pay for what they eat and drink not for everyone else’s. Hate splitting bills in large parties. It’s OK if there’s just say 2 couples but not for any more. It’s a rip off.
On one occasion years ago I went out with a large party for a meal that was supposed to be £11.95 per person. Special offer at the local pub When the bill came the organiser asked if anyone thought their meal wasn’t worth £16 or something like that. As I was pregnant and hadn’t had a thing to drink I objected to paying for other people to get tipsy at my expense. I only put exactly £11.95 into the kitty. It didn’t go down well with the group but I still think I was justified in sticking to me guns.

To be honest, I dont' really get it. My life is transparent to my friends, and that's fine. If I say I can't afford things, they made adjustments, such as hosting lunching rather going out.

Oh good idea.

Hard to break the long standing habit, and you might do it in a less than skillful way the first time but I would think you're going to have to break/ change that pattern. Maybe find an Assertiveness course to familiarise/re-familiarise yourself with s0me techniques and handy phrases (eg parrot) etc. You really haven't got to be great at being Assertive, truly. Even if you end up scowling and being a bit loud, it don't matter too.much. Your insensitive relly is the one at fault, forcing you into this uncomfortable position. Also you can talk to some other relatives and friends who come, get them on side (I expect they'll be delighted you're gonna Say Something) so that they hopefully will be ready to put in their word at the crucial moment. Best of luck. Tricky to change the family pattern but it can be done a hell of a lot quicker than you'd expect. You'll be surprised..

When ordering, tell the waiter you'd like a separate bill - you don't need to discuss with anyone except the waiter / business.

This has been a bugbear of mine for years, going back to when we had little spare money, & my husband's workmates did a similar thing. We had a main each & a few drinks. Others ordered starters, extras, & bottles of wine. When the bill came they said, well spilt it equally. I was FUMING but my husband paid anyway. After that I REFUSED to cover others expenses. If I go out with others gI pay my bill, with extra for tip. I'm not subsidising other people's cocktails, wine, & extras. I find when I say splitting it doesn't work for me, it's only the extravagant eaters & drinkers who complain. I give zero f*cks. I don't drink alcohol, & usually 2 soft drinks is my limit. So many people have thanked me for standing up to this inequality. It's wrong to expect others to cover your share of the bill if they've had much less than you. I insist we work it out, & with calculators on mobile phones, there's NO excuse not to be fair to all. Call it out. (You'll find the ones complaining are those who've got the biggest bills.😉) Fair is fair.

When he next organises a meal state at the start during the planning stage that you don’t want the meal split equally as you and DH don’t drink or have starters and always end up at the shite end of this deal!!
Id take cash with me, round up your meals to the nearest £1 and give the relative cash BEFORE his announcement and say ‘that’s our share!!!’