About relative insisting on splitting the bill?

[Beachdays13]

Where do people stand on splitting the bill? Because I’m not sure if I’m being the tight one here.

I have a relative and when we go out for meals he always insists on splitting the bill between everyone. I’ll explain a couple of the scenarios.

So once we went for a meal, there was around 10 people. I was pregnant so not drinking and had my (then 4yo) ds with me. Ds didn’t have his own meal he just shared a bit of mine and my husbands food.

A lot of people had a few alcohol drinks each, starters, sides. At the end of the meal relative announced we would split the bill equally including for my ds who hadn’t even had his own meal. It was a birthday so I felt I didn’t want to ruin the mood by saying no.

A few years later another birthday meal. Dh and I went without our children. We didn’t have drinks or starters, I actually ended up sharing half of my food with my niece because her parents ask if she could share. I didn’t mind because she was being fussy and I know how it can be with kids.

Once again most people had alcohol, starters etc. relative announces that we will split the bill equally, including niece. My nieces parent then pipes up that niece didn’t have anything, but didn’t offer to cover some of my bill. So I ended up paying an equal share even though I had half a meal and a soft drink.

I know I could speak up but this relative doesn’t ask he just announces.

Aibu to think they all sound like cheeky fuckers?

Why not just say I'm paying for my own.

Maybe the latter will be what sinks in enough to make her unafraid to speak up. 🤷‍♀️

BIL who earns the most, orders the most expensive items on the menu then also wants to split equally. Now I always ask the waiter before ordering to put my items on a separate bill and pay separately for only my and kids food. We don’t drink and order according to it budget. I’m not happy paying for anyones else. On the very odd occasion of special birthdays, we will split between the adults only not kids.

It may be easier to just split a bill but as costs have massively increased it isn't fair to expect some to subsidise the bills of others, especially if there are big discrepancies between what people are having. Next time, tell this relative and the waitress before the meal that you and your husband will pay separately. The restaurant will be more than happy to give you an individual bill.

Work out if paying separately is going to save a worthwhile amount. If so suggest a better system at the start.

Options ..
Agree to split the bill but have all alcohol on a separate drinks tab or people paying cash as they drink.. Non drinkers would not pay any of that.

State that you and DH will pay for your own.

All pay as you order.

If splitting the bill would still be the most socially acceptable way in your family, can you decide to order more yourselves?

Oo I think she played it perfectly, highlighted there entitled behaviour and put them on the spot to explain why they thought she should pay for everyone's wine, well played!

Of course YANBU, but for goodness sake, SPEAK UP. This is how CF get away with things, because people are too soft to say anything. It doesn't even have to be confrontational.

Not sure I would going for a meal with people spending 100 pounds and be late and sit and drink tap water. Id probably leave them all to it

No way would I be subsidising other people drinks, food etc.

I often go out for group meals, in a number of local restaurants. At the end, the waitress going to each person separately and charges them for what they have ordered. I have never experienced a problem in doing this.

I think I'd be devious and if in the company of the champagne and cocktail/fillet steak merchants, I'd order the most expensive things on the menu for me and my kids. Everything you could think of. At least that way I'd feel I got value for my money which I would have been expected to pay anyway by the gorging CFs who decide this for me not matter what I would have had.

Obviously being assertive and refusing to split the bill is the right way, but sometimes that is not the "done" thing, and often people don't want a fuss or attention directed at them during a special occasion for example.

I have said YABU because you need to say im only giving you x amount because of x, y, z. If you don't like it tough.

My family only split the bill if we've all had roughly the same, including drinks.

Otherwise we pay for ourselves, or split the drinks bill between the drinkers separately.

It works for us, has never felt complicated ☺️

Message him now and say what you have said and that going forward you won’t split anything - you will pay for your own

"On occasions where I do be assertive people really don’t like it."

and this is a problem because?

I think it’s fine to just pay for what you had, but I’m not someone that ever says anything for fear of looking tight.

My friend will invite me along to lunch with her and her 2 daughters who are in their 20s and wealthy. When the bills comes, my friend always just splits it with me. She’s never once said she’ll cover their share. This slightly peeves me as they both order the most expensive dishes, often ‘just to try’ as they’ll never fully eat them. They also order the most expensive wine and never finish it.

I spent £100 on lunch at Megan’s last week as a result. 🥴

I cannot understand why on earth you agreed to a split that includes your son who didn’t order anything!

Why on earth don’t you grab the bill first and announce that everyone’s share is a quarter? I’d be wondering if my friend actually wanted lunch with me or was just looking for someone to subside her family outings.

The two examples you’ve given are over a period of a few years. What is the actual cost difference that you think you would have paid?
If you’re not willing to speak up to split the bill as you wish, then don’t moan about it.
I certainly don’t think it’s worth your mental bandwidth and worrying thinking about this over the course of a few years if the additional cost to you is £20-40.life is too short!

Stop being so passive!
when you’re ordering your food tot it up in your head. When relative announces split the bill say.
‘Fred we’ve totalled ours so we’ll put in x and a bit for the tip. Then you can split the bill between everyone else’. Say it clearly and with a smile. Done.

Er what.

"No, I'll just pay for my own this time"

Or

"I'll pay a quarter because there's only one of me"

What a cheek!

Sorry. These people are making a fool of you. So basically you are paying for her daughters meals and wine and they are wealthy? Why don't the daughters pay their own share?

Paying for what you eat isn't tight. If you are on a low income you really don't have the choice -(talking about myself here). I tend to use sites like Groupon and itison (it's a Scottish site) most of the time for meals. And I'm happy to pay an extra share for a birthday in my family if we are paying full price but - if people are constantly asking to subsidise other people - why keep going back if you know that's going to be the outcome?

Tell them up front that you will be paying for your own. Order what do you want and pay for it.

I’d go up to the till before the bill comes, pay what you’ve had and then once relative declares it’s being split say you’ve already paid your share because you didn’t have as much as anyone else and always end up paying off someone else’s meal. I do this frequently unless it’s a special occasion because I don’t drink and have special dietary restrictions so there is only certain things I can have