To think marrying someone who has already been married and divorced 3 times is a very, very bad idea

[MargoLivebetter]

I saw that Earl Spencer was on the front pages of some of the papers today for marrying a 4th wife.

AIBU to think that it is probably very unwise to marry someone who has already been married and divorced 3 times? Just that. Not even thinking about all the other stories that whirl around this particular individual but just the very fact that if you have been married and divorced 3 times that seems like a giant whale sized red flag to me.

Maybe I'm missing the romance of it all - or maybe not!

I think part of the reason why the failure rate is higher for second+ marriages is the number of people who stay in miserable 1st marriages. You only have to look at MN threads to see how much some people (usually women) put up with from their spouses because they're scared of divorce. Whereas if you've already been through one divorce, you already know it's not the end of the world. I'm very happy with spouse 2 but if we were miserable, I'd divorce much more quickly than first time round.

Interesting stats... my partner was my 1st boyfrind when I was 15. Together 3 years split over something silly. Back together now after 43 yrs apart although we never lost touch as hes my brothers best mate. 1st marriage ended after 20 yrs due to her affairs.
2nd marriage ended within a year of meeting, marrying and divorcing as she demanded her children should inherit the house him and 1sr wife bought and paid for.

Now we back together things are good. Hes a good hardworking man. Generous and kind. Just life's thrown a few shit deals. We aren't getting married just yet but we have discussed it later on. So now im worried with those stats

Of course…. I hadn’t thought of that! 🤣

To paraphrase Sir James Goldsmith ... when a man marries his secretary, he creates a vacancy ...

Sir Paul learned an expensive lesson from Heather Mills so I imagine he and signed Nancy Shevell have a pre-nup. Also, I think she has sufficient assets to want him to sign one too.

Whats it got to do with you?!? So what. Its up to people how many kids they want.

The OP was talking about why marrying a thrice divorced man is a bad idea. I am simply adding that the 7 kids would make it an even worse idea!

Can you imagine a woman of comparable age and relationship history doing the same? I guess if she had the wealth and the status she might attract a suitor or two but frankly if I was in that postiton I would enjoy my money by myself!

She must be nuts.

Honestly, I’d be wary of marrying someone that’s been divorced once, terminally embarrassed if they’d been divorced twice, mortified if it was a 3rd time - but to be number 4?! For shame. I could not lower myself. It’s laughing stock territory.

My Mum started dating a guy who had been married three times and I immediately got a very bad, unsettling vibe when I met him. He had been in the military police and came across as controlling. Luckily it fizzled out due to distance but within a minute of meeting him I was very concerned for my Mum

My friend got married to an American guy, they were both 35. He was divorced with 4 kids. Most of his friends were in their second marriage & thought it was quite strange that my friend hadn’t ever been married (or had kids).

Hahahaha, my biological father is on wife number 6, last I heard, and he’s late 70’s. Wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a number 7 on the cards!

I've never understood why! She seems lovely though. Waking up to his face in the morning, 🤑don't care how big his wad is 😂

I always think no-one knows what happens behind closed doors but he is the common denominator.

My mum and my MIL both been married three times and third time lucky with their husbands, long and loving relationships there.

He’s also pretty open about how messed up he is about relationships and women, and why. I imagine his new wife feels she’s going in with her eyes open at this point.

She’s 18 years younger than him

his wealth will be tied up tighter than a ducks ass - the estate would be in a trust I would imagine that would go to his son

he was absolutely vile to his first wife Victoria from what I can remember in the press she moved to South Africa with the kids to get away from him

I am laughing stock territory then - married and divorced three times. First one, we were very young and he got into the drugs scene and left me. Second was an abusive bully and due to failed first marriage, I stuck it out as I was so ashamed - eventually, I got the courage to leave. Third and father to DS - I loved him with everything I had but he had an affair and left at Christmas 8 years ago. I am still struggling to get over the humiliation of it. Please don’t judge until you’ve met the person.

He pretty much had a breakdown just after writing his autobiography and has had a lot of therapy as a consequence. The Earl and Cat used to do a podcast with the Rev Richard Cole which was very entertaining.

Money, title, invitations to all the smart events.... decent divorce settlement when it goes pear shaped..... I expect there's a long line of hopefuls.

Broke by whose standards?

He still gets to swan around a grand estate with servants etc. As far as I’m concerned that’s still incredibly privileged.

I find it amusing when rich people claim to have no money - it’s never the same as poor people who actually have no money.

Read his book which is very good and you will understand, he totally owns that due to his dyfunctional childhood, mother running off, his father being emotionly absent, being shoved into boarding school at a young age that he has struggled hugely with relationships with woman,

I'm on my second marriage and if this one went tits up I'd be taking the hint that I'm not good at marriage!

My grandad got married 4 times, plus one long-term relationship. For his fourth wife, he sensibly chose a woman who wouldn't divorce him (a Catholic, in fact an ex-nun). She was a living saint.

Lots of interesting posts from those on a higher number of marriages- thank you. It has tempered my cynicism a little. I can’t help wonder how people have the energy too - but horses for courses and all that.

My late FIL was on his third marriage by thirty! That third was to my MIL and he left her for another woman when their youngest (my husband) was 8. And I dated someone who was on his third marriage by 40. That marriage also ended in divorce. Both dreadful people.

It depends, though. It would be different if at least one of those marriages ended due to death. Three divorces though....BIG RED FLAG!