To think marrying someone who has already been married and divorced 3 times is a very, very bad idea

[MargoLivebetter]

I saw that Earl Spencer was on the front pages of some of the papers today for marrying a 4th wife.

AIBU to think that it is probably very unwise to marry someone who has already been married and divorced 3 times? Just that. Not even thinking about all the other stories that whirl around this particular individual but just the very fact that if you have been married and divorced 3 times that seems like a giant whale sized red flag to me.

Maybe I'm missing the romance of it all - or maybe not!

Penny is Sir Rod's third wife, for the record.

I am married to my third husband. We're 22 years in and it seems to be going OK.

I think this should be more about him than the concept of multiple marriages. I married twice in my youth, when I didn't know better. When I married the 3rd time it was as an adult and we're still as happy together as when we first met. My mum married several times because the men became abusive and she rightly left them. Spencer's reasons will be quite different, I imagine, so it's more about him than it is about the concept generally, in my opinion.

A long time ago I remember my DH telling me about someone he worked with who was on his 4th wife and all of them, except for the first, had been his secretaries!

This has stayed with me over the years.... I find it hard to understand the 4th wife - she must surely have noticed the pattern?!

DH & I used to refer to him as the serial secretary marrier

Sad but true.

And also, infidelity is only one of many reasons a marriage can fail. Now that I think about it, none of my divorced friends actually got divorced for that reason. My brother’s twice divorced and there was no cheating involved at all. His first marriage ended because he and his wife realised they wanted different things from life, and his second wife left him because he got a vasectomy when she was pregnant with her sixth / his fourth child.

I had been married and divorced 3 times when I met dh4!! I rid my life of twats, raised my bar and found a Good Un!!
He had never been married!

I knew before I opened the thread that it would be about Earl Spencer's new wife! Exactly what I thought too. She's an academic so clearly not a stupid woman but wtf is she thinking?!

I know someone who married his fourth wife two years ago. She’s at least 25 years younger and Eastern European.

I thought you were talking about Ross haha. Perhaps he wants to beat Henry viii. At least he can't behead any.

I'm in my happiest and longest marriage of 25 years, not bad 3rd time round.

I know someone very very happy in his third marriage. The middle one was a mistake all could see, the first lasted a reasonable amount of time, two kids, issues not unlike many others. No worse than many.
Third marriage is still going strong after twelve years.... it's just the right person, right time, right context.. they've seen each other through aging and dying parents. I'm happy for them.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Even by the usual standards of the aristocracy he had an exceptionally dysfunctional upbringing so I’m not surprised his relationships have been difficult. His parents divorce was messy, and the relationship with his stepmother was frosty. He was sent to boarding school aged eight, where he suffered horrific abuse. His dad also had a severe stroke when Charles was 14. There was a lot of pressure on him as the only son and heir to an estate that was short of cash.

He certainly wasn’t great to his first wife, and his relationship with his four oldest children is described as “cool” (he wasn’t at either of his daughter’s weddings). He does come across as very intelligent - I’ve read a couple of his books - but I don’t think he’d be a good bet for marriage, he’s got a lot of baggage. However I’d imagine someone might think he’s a good project.

Also some people just seem to have a tendency to marry whereas you wouldn’t think it weird for someone in their 60’s to have had four serious relationships. I mean it doesn’t sound so bad if you don’t actually marry them but some people do the marriage thing more.

Yes personally I’d see three failed marriages as a massive red flag.

My mum married a wealthy man who had literally been divorced by his first wife for sexually abusing children. Some people see a life of comfort and are very able to overlook the massive red flags waving in their face.

Who is Greg Wallace? Yes I could Google but I don't suppose the answer matters much.

I agree with @Miranda65”The triumph of hope over experience”

But I do think the children are probably affected.
As his own mother left him, Diana, Sarah and Jane, the younger two speaking publicly iirc about their loss, you would think he would think long and hard about the consequences of his actions.

Kerching

Hope springs eternal (in the human breast)

So far…

Used to present Masterchef and any number of other things, inexplicably. Fired from the BBC for being sleazy. Weapons grade twat.

My Dad is happily married to his 4th wife, and actually she is the most suited to him by a mile. But also the stage of life helps a bit I think. He was in his 50s when the met, and he's nearly 90 now, so his philandering opportunities were far fewer than when he left my Mum (and wives 2 and 3), as a younger man. But I do actually believe that wife number 4 is his perfect match.

I know two people who have been married four times.
Friend 1. Married colleague, the relationship didn't survive a work related move to very rural area. Marriage 2, All his fault it failed, married very respectable person and he wasn't at that time. Marriage 3. To someone much younger than him who he felt sorry for, she left him and stripped the house of all contents.
Marriage 4. Very happily married, he was too old to carry on hell raising and she was very calm and laid back.
Friend 2. Marriage 1. They were both teenagers and she was pregnant, she ran off with someone else a few months in. Marriage 2. Long marriage, two children, they fell out over his infidelity (though she was unfaithful too, they were swingers) Marriage 3. A rebound thing, only lasted a year before she ran off with his business partner. Marriage 4. They were together 30 years, married for 20, one child. She divorced him this year after serious clashes about their mutual business, but still on very good terms, and spend Christmas together. Now they have a business each they get on a lot better.
Friend 1. was a disaster for all but his last wife, and that was only because he was old and ill when they met.
Friend 2. Just a bit too dogmatic and all his wives were very strong characters
Friend 2 Isn't, as a person a bad bet if you know him well.
I think you would certainly have to be very wary of marrying someone as wife 4.

I don’t know, my Auntie was divorced three times before marrying her current husband. They’ve been married nearly 40 years now.