To think marrying someone who has already been married and divorced 3 times is a very, very bad idea

[MargoLivebetter]

I saw that Earl Spencer was on the front pages of some of the papers today for marrying a 4th wife.

AIBU to think that it is probably very unwise to marry someone who has already been married and divorced 3 times? Just that. Not even thinking about all the other stories that whirl around this particular individual but just the very fact that if you have been married and divorced 3 times that seems like a giant whale sized red flag to me.

Maybe I'm missing the romance of it all - or maybe not!

Full disclosure, I'm 4 of 4 (like Star Trek 7 of 9 but not really, sadly) He's my second DH, I was widowed quite young. He is not an earl with a stately home!

We've obviously talked about his interesting marital record but he's never spoken disrespectfully of any of them, none were very brief and I think the breakup of 1 and 2 at least was v painful to him. We're 14 years in and doing OK, no regrets and no divorce on the horizon.

Charles Spencer is a clever and sadly very damaged man, as others have pointed out, who had not a great childhood for all his privilege. There is a story that after their parents divorce, he and Diana used to call to each other from their bedrooms, both too scared to get out of bed to get to each other. He's certainly made mistakes in his life but maybe this will be fine.

He’s married Cat Jarman who is a really well respected archeologist and historian so I doubt the money and status was a factor for her

Who could be arsed going to a family members 4th wedding when the previous 3 have resulted in divorce.

I could barely make the effort to attend BIL’s 2nd, where I had to watch him to promise to be faithful to his second wife, after promising the same and then cheating on his first.

Maybe he loves wedding cake

after their parents divorce, he and Diana used to call to each other from their bedrooms, both too scared to get out of bed to get to each other.

That has brought tears to my eyes. She tried so hard to give her children a happier life.

She’ll get a good seat at the next coronation, certainly!

I think it highlights that humans are not generally monogamously-minded. Serial relationships seem to make more sense, unless you produce children with each spouse which reduces stability.

Bold of you to assume the marriage will last that long.

I'm married and divorced 3 times. Long gaps in-between. Variety of reasons for divorce, no pattern. No interest in marriage now though as I'm older and more financially secure and don't want anyone to get my son's inheritance.

My family was a bunch of serial marriers. They either got married once or 4 times and more.

I agree. Although there are a few rare exceptions (e.g. Rod Stewart and Penny Lancaster) most fourth marriages have a high failure rate. I would certainly be cautious about marrying a man who'd had 2 failed marriages,never mind 3! Unfortunately,I think that the majority of people do not learn from their previous mistakes.

I know someone who’s recently got engaged for the 3rd time. Not 40 yet. She cheated on her last two husbands so more fool him 😬

My father is on his fourth marriage, having also had several other long-term, live-in relationships with women he had affairs with while married. He has cheated on every wife or long-term partner, with the exception of his current wife (as far as I know) although there was a lengthy overlap between her and his previous wife.

During this time, he has also returned to previous wives and/or girlfriends, who have allowed him to swan back in and pick up where he left off, despite the heartbreak he caused in leaving. Only to leave again when his head was turned by someone new.

It's hard to watch history repeat again and again and again.

Yes, exactly.
Third and fourth marriages breaking down would follow, but second marriages you'd think would be more likely to last because it would include all the people who got it wrong the first time but were much more careful the second time.

I thought he was broke and could barely afford the upkeep of the ancestral home?

Gosh, there are some quite harsh comments on here! I have just married my 4th husband, we’ve been together for 20 years! There are always reasons why we do what we do!

bollox

His first 3 didn’t understand him.

Oh, Earl, you rogue-ish cad! Marry meee!

Might be lucrative for her.

It would be his 7 children that put me off. Why do posh people have so many kids?

I have neighbours who are both on their 4th marriage. All the previous marriages ended in divorce.

They are both early 60's. They both post on facebook all the time how they have found their soul mate, they will be together forever etc. I can't help wondering if they said that about their 3 previous partners!

Probably because they are trying to blend families at this point and that rarely goes smoothly.

My ex-MIL has been married 5 times. Each divorce has made poorer and poorer. She is very religious (in her own mind) so unless she marries the man she can't sleep with him. Every time it's been super rushed and ended catastrophically.

I’m my husbands 4th wife, he is my 1st husband. Been together 11 years, married 9 this year. Very happy, no thoughts of splitting.

Paul McCartney is on his 3rd marriage. What I find odd about 3rd , 4th marriage is why bother ? The serial marriage obviously does not take the vows or even legal state very seriously so why bother . And why make yourself vulnerable to having to split any assets .