Will we ever get our house back

[Temporarilypermanently]

My MIL has sold her property to downsize and is currently residing with us temporarily while she secures a suitable local property. We are accommodating her belongings within our home, and our children are sharing a bedroom to facilitate her stay. This arrangement has introduced a degree of disruption, impacting our usual household routines. The situation would be more manageable if a moving out date were established, but she has yet to identify a preferred property. Would it be appropriate to discuss with DH a timeframe for her property search? Having a projected move date or at least a property identified would alleviate the current pressures on our household/me. I am concerned that discussing this matter with my DH may lead to some distress, I do not want him to feel that his mother is unwelcome. While I initially accepted and was happy with this as a short-term arrangement I need some reassurance that things will be moving along. It might be easier/quicker if we build an annex.

@Feis123 Your friend's husband wasn't "more of a human being" than other people, he was more of a mug. By your own admission there were rows between him and his MIL. Who moves into someone else's home and repays that generosity by firstly refuses to learn the hosts language at all so they can communicate effectively and secondly has the bare faced cheek to row with their host?! It beggars belief.

That your DH wouldn't have taken in your mother just means he's more sensible and puts his marriage above his extended family, which is as it should be. If you had the same mentality there'd be nothing for you to feel jealous of. The whole point of getting married is to become a new family unit which means to a certain extent detaching from your family of origin, which is necessary to put your new family first, you're not meant to remain tied to your mother's apron forever and putting her wants above your nuclear family's needs. People don't shrivel up and die upon being widowed if they're not cosseted into another family unit! It's entirely possible to rebuild your life without your spouse and live happily for the rest of your days, however much you may miss them.

Some of you guys are really mean. Let's hope you don't get treated this way when you're a MIL.

The OP is herself suggesting an annexe. To me this indicates that she doesn't mind it as a solution.
Why are we knocking that as an option if OP doesn't mind? Multi generational living (although not for everyone) when done right, can be great!

Why ??? OP herself suggested an annexe.

The OP put that as a throwaway comment on the end of her first post and later clarified that it wasn’t actually a viable option. It’s great if it works but can cause all sorts of complications further down the line if the person living in the annex requires more care, if they use all their money on building the annex and there is then problems with inheritance from other siblings etc. In many cases, people simply don’t have a garden or the space for it.

Don’t build an annex. She will be with you forever

Sorry, I didn’t RTFT so didn’t realise this has already been discussed 😩

Have you considered suggesting that she put her belongings in storage-as you are finding space an issue at least everything will be prepped as soon as she finds somewhere do you think she has a hidden agenda which involves staying with you long term ? If you don’t feel able to accommodate her it would be good to help her with finding her options for the long term you can ask your L.A for a needs assessment this is the first step to finding what options are E.G would she be self-funding I would recommend E.A.C who also gives free advice

Tell DH you don’t feel comfortable having sex or being intimate in any way while she is in the house, that should speed up the process!

MIL said if the tables were turned she would have encouraged us to move along after a couple of weeks.

Really?!

She had plenty of time to look for a new home. She has become very comfortable in yours now, unless you speak out, she will be with you for the foreseeable

Sadly as you agreed to this, you are someone suffering from a temporary arrangement that lasts a long time. If I was a betting person I would say still there come Christmas.

Sorry if that is being blunt.

My MIL and my DHs stepdad moved in with us when the moved to the UK from abroad (both British). They took over my DDs bedroom and bathroom and she had to sleep on a camp bed in her younger sisters room. This went on indefinitely and I finally lost it and threatened to leave my husband of twenty years. It took that threat for him to ask them to move out.
My MIL worked on my computer all day while her husband scrolled on his iPhone. I couldn’t look at him (DH) for months afterwards and it nearly broke us. To add insult to injury anytime we visited her (expensive flights) we had to stay in a hotel as her routine could not be disturbed.
The final straw was when I overheard the three of them bitching about me and what I was drinking. I told them to fuck off out of my house and the reason I was drinking most days was because of them not leaving.
I saw my husband in a totally different light after that and made him regret it big time. Thankfully a few years on we are OK but it was touch and go for a while. She doesn’t dare cross me now and in general I am a very calm and patient person but enough was enough!
please take my advice and get rid!

Just posting to wish you well turning theory into practise!

It’s really good she admitted she would encourage you to move on, now you are free to encourage her too.

My DS bought a house recently as a FTB. Took 18 weeks!

How long is “indefinitely”

I can’t believe that you didn’t overrule your useless husband and for the sake of your daughter of not yourself - point blank tell them to get out @Charel2girl5

My MIL worked on my computer all day

you couldn’t have said… ok, this is my computer, off you pop I need it

I overheard the three of them bitching about me and what I was drinking

your husband was one of the 3?!!!

I second this! Absolutely get her stuff out of your house. It sounds like she’s planning to move in, you don’t want that.

A close friend is in a similar situation with her brother...he lived with another sister for years always saying he was looking for the right property...he had to leave when she moved....straight in to second sister...' It won't be for long ' .. occasionally looked at a property or put in a ridiculously low offer for one...claims he can pay cash so getting a mortgage isn't the issue. Won't register for council tax "as I won't be here long". Well the number and variety of excuses for not moving on...it's coming on for 9 months now and he will never change his situation. Why should he? Has no financial outgoings pays no rent or housekeeping...my friend pays his mobile phone and anything that would link him to a residential address and didn't realise it was a lot to do with him not wanting to leave any record of his existence say for tax. Any work is cash in hand..My friend knows that she is being used/she's being taken for a ride but is frightened of him so won't do anything. She worked hard to get her property and has been isolated cos brother is often rude and offensive to friends and visitors
Appreciate the situations are not exact but it starts with a member of the family and relatives being kind and accommodating...literally. Sad to say expectations of length of time of stay do need to be clear at the start....if the person in OPs post can't find a property then they need to rent surely? Get their life back...And for OP to get hers back too. Guess people don't realise that moving in like this can get to be unfair...but I can see how easy it is to get used to living with family around you.especially as you grow older..And want to stay put...but you aren't really helping someone by allowing them into this dependence financially and emotionally