Will we ever get our house back

[Temporarilypermanently]

My MIL has sold her property to downsize and is currently residing with us temporarily while she secures a suitable local property. We are accommodating her belongings within our home, and our children are sharing a bedroom to facilitate her stay. This arrangement has introduced a degree of disruption, impacting our usual household routines. The situation would be more manageable if a moving out date were established, but she has yet to identify a preferred property. Would it be appropriate to discuss with DH a timeframe for her property search? Having a projected move date or at least a property identified would alleviate the current pressures on our household/me. I am concerned that discussing this matter with my DH may lead to some distress, I do not want him to feel that his mother is unwelcome. While I initially accepted and was happy with this as a short-term arrangement I need some reassurance that things will be moving along. It might be easier/quicker if we build an annex.

Totally agree; if it doesn’t go the way you want first time, it’s difficult to bring it up again

I would be making it my mission to scour every single listing on rightmove that comes up daily!
I would also be befriending every estate agent locally and driving MIL round town scouting properties and dropping flyers through doors of potential properties! Anything to not have the MIL there any longer.
definitely insist your kids get their personal spaces back and the stuff goes in storage that’s unreasonable for any longer than a few days. You have to live!

Firstly, its great that your MIL has been helpful and that you all get on and the kids like her. That is something really worth saving and its clear she's been welcome in the short term, but there simply isn't the room on a long term basis. There's also the question of not having agreed to a long term solution.

Your plan sounds like a good one.. and also pps suggestions of thrashing it out with your DH first so you are on the same page.

I think I'd find out the storage info up front so that you can present it. In my experience people often gasp and say Oh that's so expensive, without really knowing or having researched it... so for those parts of the plan...have the real information handy.

You will all breath a lot easier without all the clutter and wiith your DC back in their own rooms again.

As it is becoming longer term i think I would be asking for a contribution to food, because although she sometimes helps with school run... she is really living with you rent free and that must be adding to overall bills.

Maybe she just doesn't know where or what to look for, so as you all get on well that's something you could discuss and maybe schedule a session of looking every week? So that she feels supported.

Best of luck.

Will it be temporary though?
MIL will now have her own bedroom (and maybe no need for things to go to storage after all).
Kids will recognise it as Grandma's room and as she has been so helpful will be seen as part of the family within the house.
Any talk of her moving out will be met with sadness and how we can't possibly do without her.

Tread carefully on this one.

Yep l agree, don't make things 'fit' better whatever you do. Less reason for her to move out. I think the naturally increasing pressure of the DC needing their own bedrooms back as time goes on, is your friend here.

Seriously? 6 weeks and you are looking at an end date already?

You are looking 3 to 4 months at least

Even if she found the perfect property tomorrow and offer accepted, it could be a chain and all sorts of shit can happen

Is she not even looking?! 😱

Absolutely. Plus a camp /temp bed may help her move quicker

Interesting. Why do you think that scenario has any relation at all to the OP’s one? More unexpected conflations. 😊

I think your proposals sound good.

100% more practical.

Good luck op

Make it less inviting, OP. Kids have to go back into their own rooms, put her in anon bedroom. help her with house hunting. She has to help out.

If you don't, she'll stay permanently. I have put a couch that turns into a (kind of) bed, in our second living area for guests in my house, instead of a proper bed or putting kids out of rooms. This moves them on quicker 😂 and is less disruptive.

OP you sound like AI - I’m curious did you ask it to write your post?

Yep, when my dad got seriously pissed off with having to do a 600 mile round trip to change my grans light bulbs, he went and got her, brought her to his for a week and told her to find a house to buy. It worked, she found one in that week.

Guilty, I did use AI. When I read back my post it was fragmented and didn't sound right so I ran my post through AI to articulate it better.

Just build one, then your kids can use it in the future! And encourage her to babysit, health permitting, as this would be great for your kids, her-and you!

Wrong post..

Oh dear....
Haven't read the thread but you will have to put on your big girl pants now as they call it here or sounds like she'll be there for ever.

Not fair on you, you husband - I get he feels guilt but he should facilitate her moving out and helping find alternative accommodation and especially your kids growing into teenage years with possible caring duties.

😂 I wasn't banished 😂. Chat went well I think. Spoke to DH first. He was brilliant and really stepped up. He took responsibility and led the conversation with his mother. DH lay the issues on the table as if they were his own and didn't bring me in to it. MIL was also really understanding. She is organising her things to go in to storage and totally understands it isn't a practical way for us to live. She is actively looking and has offered to rent somewhere. Funny as MIL said if the tables were turned she would have encouraged us to move along after a couple of weeks. All relationships intact. I am so lucky to have an amazing DH and MIL.

Great stuff! Glad to have evidence of proper grown ups having a sensible conversation and finding a way forward in a challenging situation. More of this satisfying kind of outcome on mumsnet please!

I’m really glad it went well And that husband stepped up and hopefully she will find a house soon

👍 to your husband for addressing this and leading the talk with his mom and your MIL for handling what could have been a difficult discussion like an adult. Nicely done and I hope you get your house back to yourselves soon.

Ah, that's so good. Happy for you.