Will we ever get our house back

[Temporarilypermanently]

My MIL has sold her property to downsize and is currently residing with us temporarily while she secures a suitable local property. We are accommodating her belongings within our home, and our children are sharing a bedroom to facilitate her stay. This arrangement has introduced a degree of disruption, impacting our usual household routines. The situation would be more manageable if a moving out date were established, but she has yet to identify a preferred property. Would it be appropriate to discuss with DH a timeframe for her property search? Having a projected move date or at least a property identified would alleviate the current pressures on our household/me. I am concerned that discussing this matter with my DH may lead to some distress, I do not want him to feel that his mother is unwelcome. While I initially accepted and was happy with this as a short-term arrangement I need some reassurance that things will be moving along. It might be easier/quicker if we build an annex.

How long has it been? Is she actively looking for accomodation?

It has been 6 weeks now. Her house was on the market for approximately 12 months before it sold. She hadn't found anywhere in the time her property was on the market. You can understand my concern that she won't be moving anytime soon.

Buying a property can take many months! And she hasn't even found one she likes yet. You definitely need a conversation with DH, this situation is unfair on your children.
She could find somewhere to rent in the meantime.

It sounds like she needs to rent somewhere.

Firstly
We are accommodating her belongings within our home,

She needs to get movers and a storage locker.

This will do 2 things.

1. Get her shit out of your home so you have more roo.
2. Focus her mind. Nit having all "her things" to hand and an actual financial impact (it's about £200 pm on storage) will encourage her to get looking.

Beyond that you need to be talking openly to her and your dh about timings and what gappens if she doesn find somewhere by X date.
You are one bad fall away from being stuck with her indefinitely....

At the very least she could rent a storage unit.

Yes of course discuss it with your husband. Summer hols are a couple of months away and then the kids will be around more.

It's not easy to have these conversations but much better to start doing so before anyone's patience runs out.

You’re not being unreasonable to find this difficult.

You are being unreasonable to expect to be given a date: nobody knows.

Yeah no I wouldn't like that at all.

It's unfair on your children.

If she hasn't even made an offer on a property how serious is she about buying somewhere?

You need to speak to DH and set some dates for her to have either signed tenancy somewhere else or exchanged to buy

This open ended agreement will not end well

I think it's reasonable and grown up to have that conversation with your husband and MIL, especially if an annex or extension is an option.

I don't know the ages of your children but I know it's disruptive. It's fine in the short term but if it is going to a year or so, you do need to talk about options.

Obvs in a way that makes clear she's welcome and you're glad you can help her but it's not unreasonable to have some sort of timeline in place.

Approach it positively and be proactive in helping her search. Does she have a specific size/style of home in mind, a certain area, price point etc.

I'm guessing she'd be in a good place to buy and an attractive option as she's no longer in a chain and I'm assuming she's got the finances to make a downsized purchase go fairly smoothly.

You need to speak directly with MIL. Ask her how the house hunting is going and is there anything you can do to help, offer to search online and go to some viewings with her etc…

She’ll get the message.

It sounds like she's essentially moved herself in with no plans to leave.

Your husband sets a time limit for her to be out to a rental if she can't find something to buy. She's had a year.

If he won't, you go from there. Would he rather be married and live with his wife and children or live with his mom? This setup is likely shit for the kids.

I would tell your DH she needs to find somewhere to rent, otherwise it could be years till she moves or she might just decide she enjoys living with you so much and never move!

If you make her comfortable she will stay forever.
Soon you will be plotting your own exit strategy to your new flat
Start by moving her stuff to storage

Agree that she needs to put her items in storage (which will cost) and this might encourage her to broaden her search criteria.
I think I would also be talking to her about finding somewhere to rent as if in a year she couldn't find anywhere I am not convinced she is really looking.

Is building an annexe a viable option? Could you live with that as a long term solution? If so, this is a positive discussion you could have with your husband to work through the various aspects of going down this route

This sounds like good advice to me.

Together with talking openly about house hunting etc

I would be thinking that she has moved in by stealth.

How old is she?

Does she really want her staying permanently though?
I am wondering if this is what MIL was possibly aiming for.
Is MIL paying anything towards staying?
I think if you are going to go down this route you need to be careful. Someone I worked with sold her house along with her dad and they all moved in together, but with the sale of both homes they purchased a large three storey home so that they could have their own space with the provision of being able to rearrange things as the dad got older and in need of more help, while the children would be able to have the top floor as they became more independent and older.

How old are your Dc?

I would not be having them share a room during exam years.

Even if she finds a property tomorrow it will be a minimum of 3 months and if her vendors need to find somewhere, it could easily be 6months or more.

Bloody hell, don't build an annexe! She'll be permanent!

I wouldn’t build an annex. Just think about it : long hassle of building works and then she still will be in your house daily a lot.
I would think what you could tolerate, work out a realistic plan of encouragement ( putting things into storage, etc) and then I would the give her date for going into rental. A date for moving out to a new bought house would be too far away so rental it should be.

Neither my mum nor my MIL is welcomed to live in our small house for long term and I don’t think it’s mean on my side - I’m just being realistic. I’m sure my DH share my views.
My MIL was in this exact situation with her daughter. Only they were doing building works in their new house really slow. She said that they need to move out - it would speed up works. SIL was very upset for some times, but surprise, surprise- the building works went much quicker when they moved out. After a year no one remembered the disagreement.

Don't even mention the word Annex

It's a trap...

What age are your children? I agree there needs to be a deadline here. If you don’t want her living with you for the love of god don’t do the annexe thing!!

Push the fact that the children need their own bedrooms back and give a deadline. Offer to help find a rental property for the meantime, that may speed her up. Your DH feelings don’t trump yours and your kids.

I’d ask her to look for a house to buy or rent as it’s time to move out soon. Look at storage lock ups and move her stuff out asap to give yourselves some room.

Absolutely. You need to have a conversation with your Dh today. I think she is moving in by stealth. DH snd I are already discussing how we will manage the situation if MIL is widowed.