AIBU to avoid this woman as much as possible?

[LilacHedgehog123]

My husband is from a small town where everyone know each other. When we first got together 18 years ago, and up until about 8 years ago, every time there was a night out with a group of friends from this town, one of the wives used to be quite rude to me. For some reason, every time I tried to make conversation with her, she would just walk off. Not make an excuse and leave, I mean she would literally just walk away from me. It was extremely awkward. Especially when our husbands would be chatting.

The last time she did this was about 8 years ago (at a wedding).

Recently, her son and my friend Anja's daughter have become friends in school and consequently, my friend Anja is now friends with this lady.

We're going to a wedding in a few weeks. This lady and my friend Anja will both be there. Our husbands are all friends and recently spent a fun weekend together at the stag do so I know I'll be in this group of people, with this lady.

I'm assuming she'll talk to me as normal now as a lot of time has passed since she was so mean but I don't know how I feel about it. We're both good friends with Anja so I can see us spending a lot of the day together and although I wouldn't say anything as it's a wedding and I'm not one to make things awkward, it just feels like I'm doing myself a disservice if I chat to her politely when she was so rude to me for so long!

What would you do?

You can either

1. let bygones be bygones and get on with it.
2. Make Anja aware of her friends previous odd behaviour.
3. Be rude to this person in return.

Persobally I’d go with 1, if she’s rude to you call the bitch out.

That’s a tricky one. You don’t want to appear cold or rude in any way, as then you will look like the rude one if she is suddenly friendly. However, I understand why you don’t want to be overly friendly to her. Maybe just polite arms length conversation as you would a colleague you don’t like?

Did you ever find out why she behaved like that? Was she an ex of your husband’s, or did she want him?

No

No nothing like that. I know (from Anja) that if she doesn't want to talk to someone, she just leaves. She doesn't make conversation or excuses to be polite, she just walks away. My friend doesn't know that she used to do this to be however. It just feels so rude to me. It's not like I'm a random, our husbands are friends! I just wouldn't be that rude to someone.

No we were chatting on holiday (we go away a lot with Anja and her husband and the kids) and she was saying about how they're friends now and they had a night out recently. Anja bumped into a work colleague and they got chatting. Her work colleagues friend tried to make conversation with this woman and she walks off. Anja then had to explain that she does this sometimes. This happened about 6 months ago so she apparently still does this to people.

Your friend is fine that she does this to people? Why haven’t you told her that she did it to you too?

Id mention it, “I hope she doesn’t blank me again. She used to do it in the early years and it made me feel really uncomfortable, it’s so rude isn’t it. Just a warning that if she does it at the wedding, I’ll be making no further effort, life is too short for to treated so disrespectfully”.

She’s an idiot - I’m surprised anyone short sighted enough to be friends with her.

lol the rudeness of this is actually comical.

Your conversations with your pal sound odd
though. First time she mentioned her id have been like “omg she’s so weird…”

I don't think I could be friends with someone so rude and callous - I couldn't respect them.

If you're feeling brave, call her out on her behaviour if she does it, she's clearly got away with it for so long because no one bothers and her friends just shrug their shoulders. Horrible woman.

I don't know. I nearly did say at the time that she used to do this to me but I guess I didn't want to make things awkward. Especially thinking that we were likely to see each other again now that Anja is friends with her. I am seeing Anja this weekend so may mention it if it comes up in conversation.

Do the same to her. Start a convo, stop mid-sentence, turn around and just walk off.

The most ridiculous time it happened was a long time ago at a friends birthday party. I knew the horrible lady was pregnant. Everyone gets chatting in a group and I end up standing next to horrible lady. I then try to make conversation by asking when she was due and she just walks off. I felt SO BAD because I assumed I'd got it wrong and that she wasn't actually pregnant and that I had massively offended her!! But she was pregnant!!

well at least you know it's not just you. Has Anja said why she does this, is there something deeper going on? Autism/selective mutism? Otherwise it is shockingly rude.

Definitely nothing like that. She's just rude. There is another lady Vicky (our husbands are friends) who isn't a fan of her either. Vicky ended up at her house as their husbands know each other and horrible woman pretty much blanked Vicky as she had a hangover. She just sat on her sofa and ignored her!

It was a long time ago. Things change. People
change. Perceptions change. Just because she was rude then doesn’t mean you have to be now.

I would just go and try to not make any conversation with her. If she tries to talk to you just respond minimally. It’s really odd behaviour and I wouldn’t have time for someone like that.

Longer than that but the nights out with the people from his hometown just didn't happen as often or weddings or other events where I would have bumped into her. I get on with the other wives. It's just this one.

If she blanks you again, just shout after her “Are you rude or deaf?!”. or go back up to her and ask why she walked away when you were talking to her. Call her out. What a bitch.

Yeah we've all had kids and therefore grown up a lot. I was shocked to hear she did this to someone else more recently though. It's just so rude!