AIBU to avoid this woman as much as possible?

[LilacHedgehog123]

My husband is from a small town where everyone know each other. When we first got together 18 years ago, and up until about 8 years ago, every time there was a night out with a group of friends from this town, one of the wives used to be quite rude to me. For some reason, every time I tried to make conversation with her, she would just walk off. Not make an excuse and leave, I mean she would literally just walk away from me. It was extremely awkward. Especially when our husbands would be chatting.

The last time she did this was about 8 years ago (at a wedding).

Recently, her son and my friend Anja's daughter have become friends in school and consequently, my friend Anja is now friends with this lady.

We're going to a wedding in a few weeks. This lady and my friend Anja will both be there. Our husbands are all friends and recently spent a fun weekend together at the stag do so I know I'll be in this group of people, with this lady.

I'm assuming she'll talk to me as normal now as a lot of time has passed since she was so mean but I don't know how I feel about it. We're both good friends with Anja so I can see us spending a lot of the day together and although I wouldn't say anything as it's a wedding and I'm not one to make things awkward, it just feels like I'm doing myself a disservice if I chat to her politely when she was so rude to me for so long!

What would you do?

Be civil and that's it. Don't initiate a conversation with her and if she speaks to you say something bland like 'that's nice' and nothing else. You don't need to be rude but can simply not pay her any attention.

I really don't get this.

Arrrghh OP. When Anja was talking about her doing this and how it is rude it would have been the perfect opportunity for you to casually say ‘oh yes she used to do this to me’.

I would still give her the heads up and tell her before the wedding.
Then just dont be left with the rude woman. If you are in a group with her talk to others. I’d just ignore her to be honest.

She would get the odd glade/evil eye from me but I wouldn’t have put up with that rude behaviour in the first place. She needs calling out on it! Who the hell does she think she is?!

Which one is Vicky?

How do you pronounce Anja, Anya?

I feel like you're making a BIG assumption here that she won't do it to you at the wedding!

Anyway, I wouldn't be rude to her, as no one else will have seen her past behaviour with you, so YOU will look like the rude one in front of your friends.

Either commit to being nice as pie, or just don't go out of your way to interact with her without necessarily being outwardly rude. Just focus on enjoying the day with the people you do like. Not very satisfying, but it's the best thing for your own relationships.

I don't think you need to imagine you'll be spending much time with her. She clearly doesn't like you or want to speak you. Or at least she didn't before.

Just play it cool and smile and say hi, but don't make an effort if she isn't going to. One people are just weird. I know a woman who really seems to hate me. Like walk away or ignore and pull sour faces if I try polite conversation. You can't please everyone!

I have zero time for people like this. I wouldn't even entertain talking to her, sorry. She can sod off regardless of how she feels about you after all these years.

I’d assume she’ll be the same as she always was, not sure why you’re assuming she’ll now be wanting to stand and chat when she never did before. Just be your normal self and when she embarrasses herself by inexplicably walking off mid convo, just have an amused little laugh and a ‘what is she like’ comment and go on with what you were saying.

... but know where you're walking off to 😉
Don't go striding purposefully into a broom cupboard 😂

I agree that being light and breezy is best. If you’re rude to her then people will think it’s you with the problem and not her. Some good advice on here
I knew someone like this and they were just nasty and wouidnt speak to me. No idea what I’d done wrong either. People can be so funny.

Is this rude woman called Blake Lively?

You need to stop dwelling on something so trivial, you sound like a teenager ! Just be nice, and move on.

I'd completely blank her. Each and every time you cross paths.
And apologize to no-one for this. Fuck her.

I would mention to Anja that she used to do it to you in the past. Seeing as she does this to everyone she doesn’t want to converse with I would ignore it. I’m sure you are lovely and it’s her loss not to gain your friendship, so without being big headed I would think of her through that lens - her loss! Enjoy the wedding!

Just be your normal self OP, don’t act like a bitch because she was one. If it’s not who you are as a person don’t let her bring you down to that, it won’t feel natural. Just be civil and say hi but don’t make any attempt at conversation, if she attempts it reply of course… and don’t give it too much head space. That would be my advice.

I would make zero effort with this woman unless she sincerely apologised. I would say hello etc, but wouldn't start a conversation with her

I'd either mention it beforehand to Anja or just wait and see how The Weird One behaves when you see her again. If she does it again, Anja will see for herself. If she's magically polite when others are watching, treat her normally, but later mention to Anja that it's a relief to see that Weirdo has gotten over her odd quirk, because you weren't certain if she'd still just wander off without acknowledging you, as she used to do. I would probably want Anja to know that her new weird friend was rude to you in the past. Maybe it's better to let it go, but it would eat away at me if I didn't mention it.

I think you’re overthinking this (and a few drama queens on this thread are egging you on). You’re going to the same wedding as someone you don’t like, that’s all. She’s not marrying into your family.

You know she’s treated other people like this, so therefore you know it’s not personal; there’s no big mystery around what, if anything, you could have done to upset her. You say you haven’t mentioned it to Anja before in case it makes her feel awkward and unable to invite you both to events. Well, this is someone’s wedding - surely it’s even more important to make sure the bride and groom don’t feel awkward? You don’t want a scene or any atmosphere.

Be polite when you see her, but concentrate more on chatting to other people. If, further down the line, Anja tries to broker some kind of friendship between you, maybe then is the time to say “Look, I know she’s your friend, but I find her quite difficult to be honest. She’s done that walking away mid-conversation thing to me too”.

It's best to just be polite.
Someones wedding isnt the time to do anything other than be civil.
If she chooses to be rude she only shows herself up.

I'd be polite when mutal friends are around - talk directly if need to but chances are you can just join in joint conversations and then leave first if you get left with just her- excuse me or just walk off first or turn and talk to someone else.

If she ignores you in group conversations you coulld call her out - oh I see you haven't changed - or just avoid those situations.

It's what I learnt to do with DH uni friends - I did think they were mine as well but got really rude in later years. I haven't seen them in years now as no interest in interacting.

your husband too?

you last got together with her 8 years ago… so perhaps they aren’t all enamoured with her anymore

I know a woman who is exactly the same! She was raised in care so I just assumed it was maybe something she did to get through that?

She'd be sitting on her doorstep smoking and we'd step out of the door (the doors were basically next to eachother) so we'd naturally say hi and she wouldn't even acknowledge us! My SIL somehow made some small talk with her one day, my brother came out and said hi to her and she completely didn't acknowledge his existence while still being totally normal with SIL. She was either great to the people she chose to be or an absolute arse to the people she couldn't be bothered with, for whatever reason she had 😅

I just hope Anja stays with you if horrible woman does snub you. I'd be worried she'd try to separate me from Anja but make it look natural while deep down knowing it was to be a cow to me 🤣 Hopefully Anja will recognise it if so and keep neutral at the least 🤞 have a plan of action, you know what she's like, expect nothing from her and just enjoy the day (despite her being there...)

Can you clear the air before the wedding? This might be over a simple misunderstanding and it would be great to all relax and enjoy the wedding together.

Have you ever considered that she might be on the spectrum and isn't intentionally trying to offend but doesn't always understand or conform to societal norms? I only wonder as I am on the spectrum and can struggle in social situations

I'm certain this isn't the case. She really doesn't come across this way and she seems to be able to speak very well to the people she wants to speak to. I'm not intimidating to talk to, if anything I can be a bit quiet.