AIBU to avoid this woman as much as possible?

[LilacHedgehog123]

My husband is from a small town where everyone know each other. When we first got together 18 years ago, and up until about 8 years ago, every time there was a night out with a group of friends from this town, one of the wives used to be quite rude to me. For some reason, every time I tried to make conversation with her, she would just walk off. Not make an excuse and leave, I mean she would literally just walk away from me. It was extremely awkward. Especially when our husbands would be chatting.

The last time she did this was about 8 years ago (at a wedding).

Recently, her son and my friend Anja's daughter have become friends in school and consequently, my friend Anja is now friends with this lady.

We're going to a wedding in a few weeks. This lady and my friend Anja will both be there. Our husbands are all friends and recently spent a fun weekend together at the stag do so I know I'll be in this group of people, with this lady.

I'm assuming she'll talk to me as normal now as a lot of time has passed since she was so mean but I don't know how I feel about it. We're both good friends with Anja so I can see us spending a lot of the day together and although I wouldn't say anything as it's a wedding and I'm not one to make things awkward, it just feels like I'm doing myself a disservice if I chat to her politely when she was so rude to me for so long!

What would you do?

Thank you all for your replies. I have decided to rise above. I will chat to everyone else I know at the wedding and have a nice time and pay her no attention whatsoever.

If it comes up in conversation this weekend, I will let Anja know how she has behaved in the past.

No these aren't their real names, I made some names up to make my post read easier.

I don't know why I'm thinking about this so much, I just hate awkward situations so much. Which is why I probably don't bring things up when I should.

Thank you all!

Lol this can be worse for someone on the spectrum. If someone doesn't speak for even a short spell then often the person with ASD will assume the conversation is over and walk off.

But the conversation never gets started. I say something to her and she walks off. Anyone else speaks to her and she quite comfortably and animatedly chats back!

I am curious to know whether she'll do the same at the wedding but I am also determined not to give her the chance.

I had a colleague like this. She would walk past you in the hallway and ignore a hello or wave, if no one saw, but if other people were present she was the friendliest person in the room. So weird.

you're not 12 so go, be polite, she'll either walk off in which case shrug your shoulders and enjoy time with your friend or she'll talk back in which case you can keep it polite and basic

Do update us @LilacHedgehog123 on how the wedding goes.

Does sound a bit weird. Fair play to you thou - keep us all posted and have a great time regardless of whatever she does or doesn't do :-)

But Anja said this rudeness is a pattern of her behaviour?

Why do you care about this woman or what she thinks?

It’s always awkward to be in a social situation where someone is really rude to you specifically. How is that not obvious?

I’d pretend I didn’t recognise her, I’d introduce myself and ask her name, I’d do this in front of people. She can either play along and talk to you or she can walk away and look an arsehole.either way you’re off the hook for any awareness created.

Op has clarified that Anja has said that this woman does it to loads of people. Hence why Anja was telling the op about her in the first place!

Not her friendship group though - the op says this woman comfortably and animatedly chats back to anyone else. So it’s very specific to the op treatment in the environment the op sees her in. It’s a little helpful to know she’s not the only one but not that helpful in that moment of ‘she just treated me like I don’t exist, wtf.’

At least if she does it to you again at the wedding Anja will see it! You sound lovely, not wanting to make things awkward for Anja but surely she would be upset for Horrid Woman to treat her older, better friend like that!

Thing is for me I would find it fake if she was friendly to me now. I’d be thinking it’s only because of the mutual friend. I would tell your friend and be polite but not overly friendly to the rude woman. If she did the walk away mid conversation I would just laugh and comment that “we’re still doing that rude thing still are we? How childish”.

She hasn’t seen her for near on a decade.
She may have changed.

Weird that Anja likes someone that behaves like this as an aside!

I’m also not 12, but I am 52, and life is too short to “be kind, be polite, don’t make things awkward”. There is no world where I would socialise with this woman just to make everyone else feel better. That’s how people get away with this kind of bullshit. My opening line would be “oh hi, remember how you used to walk away from me whenever we were thrown together? That was really weird.” If that makes everyone uncomfortable, so be it. Why should the OP be the only one who has to sit around making polite conversation with her?

If that makes everyone uncomfortable, so be it. Why should the OP be the only one who has to sit around making polite conversation with her?

Because it’s someone’s wedding?

I wouldn’t have any truck with this woman either, but look at the bigger picture. There’s a time and a place, and someone else’s wedding isn’t it.

This is probably the root of your irritation @LilacHedgehog123 the fact that you don’t like the husband’s fawning over her. Especially if it included your own.

She sounds more of a man’s woman than a woman’s woman maybe ? Or is just rude. I wouidnt give her head space , but I know that’s hard to do in social situations and people can be funny at times. It’s sad they make it all awkward.

No one is talking about being "kind". I dont' care enough for people like that to start joining a mean-girl vibe. I am not cancelling or changing my social life because of someone like that, and I would not embarrass myself making mean comments. Everybody will be cringing but you are the one who would be embarrassing, not her. Making a scene is never a good idea.

So the wedding was last weekend and this is how I played it.

When she walked in with her husband and some other mutual friends, I carried on talking to the people I was already talking to. One by one the rest of her group (including her husband) came over to say hi and I carried on saying hello and chatting to everyone as normal, paying her no attention. I did get into a convo later on with a group she was in and I talked like normal, not ignoring her but also not paying her any particular attention.

What was interesting was that all the wives that I thought she'd be friends with (the ones that still live in that village and who's husbands are friends with her husband) seemed to not be paying her any notice and instead all ended up chatting with me for most of the night!

Glad I rose above it!

Thank you everyone!

We done Op 👏. Interesting that all the other wives/partners did not spend time with her

Love it OP. I'm glad it went well for you ❤️

Great update OP - you handled it perfectly. Interesting that nobody else seems to like her either and prefers to talk to you!