AIBU to avoid this woman as much as possible?

[LilacHedgehog123]

My husband is from a small town where everyone know each other. When we first got together 18 years ago, and up until about 8 years ago, every time there was a night out with a group of friends from this town, one of the wives used to be quite rude to me. For some reason, every time I tried to make conversation with her, she would just walk off. Not make an excuse and leave, I mean she would literally just walk away from me. It was extremely awkward. Especially when our husbands would be chatting.

The last time she did this was about 8 years ago (at a wedding).

Recently, her son and my friend Anja's daughter have become friends in school and consequently, my friend Anja is now friends with this lady.

We're going to a wedding in a few weeks. This lady and my friend Anja will both be there. Our husbands are all friends and recently spent a fun weekend together at the stag do so I know I'll be in this group of people, with this lady.

I'm assuming she'll talk to me as normal now as a lot of time has passed since she was so mean but I don't know how I feel about it. We're both good friends with Anja so I can see us spending a lot of the day together and although I wouldn't say anything as it's a wedding and I'm not one to make things awkward, it just feels like I'm doing myself a disservice if I chat to her politely when she was so rude to me for so long!

What would you do?

I quite often don't say what I'm thinking, I'm working on it!

I think it's because she's her friend now and I didn't want Anja to think there were going to be any awkward vibes if for example she had a birthday get together and invited us both...

You could try the same trick on her. Just walk away when she's speaking.

The more adult way is to be coldly polite and give the minimum input to any chat from her.

I would say to Anja ‘I’m dreading seeing Gemma, she was always absolutely vile to me.’

And I would be just as frosty to her on the day as she has been to you. Fuck being pleasant to her.

What I find intensely irritating is how all the husbands think she's great. They all think she's really fun and a good laugh because they don't see the rude side!!

Probably not the wisest or most mature I could be, but I'd be tempted in conversation to just say "ah so you've got over that little quirk you had all those years ago where you'd just walk away mid conversation?"

Puts it firmly into her corner as the one who was rude.

Well my husband left that town so they all stayed closer and we only saw them all occasionally. And Anja has moved (back) there in the last few years.

I don't know if Anja thinks she only does this to strangers and not other people (me!) Maybe I should say. I just hate to be a sh!tstirrer. Especially when it was a long time ago. I'm sure she'll be nice as pie to me at the wedding, in front of everyone.

Well, it sounds like it's something she does, she's known for it and it isn't just you, and everyone knows she's rude and antisocial. So for the sake of peace at the wedding, I'd just go and try to avoid speaking to her; shouldn't be difficult if she just walks off all the time, and presumably you won't need to be alone with her.

I really like this ha ha!

I'd better not be sat near her 😭

What would I do? I'd ignore the rude cow and if she tried to speak to me I'd stare right through her before walking away.

I would have asked my husband why he is still friends with her husband - positioning you as the ‘one left out.’
I wouldn’t attend anything this woman is at.

I expect more loyalty from husband and friends.

It’s not as if you did something to her.

She is ‘othering’ you and nobody seems to be defending you, never mind querying her bullying behaviour.

You deserve much better than this.

What an absolute cunt of a person, jesus

I'd pretend that I couldn't remember her rudeness, or her to be honest. Make her a total insignificance

How you have described it, if you and her and Anja are together and she walks off, that just leaves you with your friend which will be fine won't it?

At this point I wouldn’t mention it. I would however walk off if she spoke directly to me. At least once and call it even.

She won't walk off in front of everyone. She's going to be extra nice, I'm certain of it. And I'll be left wondering whether to just get over it or whether I should bare a grudge! Rude woman.

What would I do???

I'd return the favour, and ignore the rude bitch .

And if anyone queried my behaviour, I'd tell them what a fucking rude nasty woman she is x

I'm confused as to why you haven't had a conversation with your husband and her husband at just how rude she is?

I’d be nice as pie to her if it was obvious in front of other people but if we ended up next to each other and it was not obvious, I’d walk off 🤣

My husband doesn't see hers anymore. They went to school together, stayed friends for a bit and were in the same friendship group but now they only see each other very occasionally (literally a stag do or wedding with mutual friends). They never met up outside of the group.

The thought of all the guys at the wedding bonding together over their fun weekend on the stag do actually turns my stomach.
And this woman that all the guys think is great sounds just downright rude
I rhink i'd be giving the wedding a miss and concentrating on my own group of friends OP. Leave your H to his clique.

It's been a while so I would just not give it another thought. If she chats to you fine, if not then that's not your doing. Your friend and you know she does this alot so I suppose it's not all that personal. If she doesn't talk to you then let that be. If your friend wants to hang out with her that's fine as long as she doesn't ditch you at the wedding for her! If she does talk though i would not be rude back - take the high road

I am an olympic level grudge holder but I don't let it hurt me and I don't make it difficult for others. Honestly I wouldn't let her into my head or go a millimetre out of my way for her. If you are on your own with her, walk away, if you are in a group with her ignore her.