Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to avoid this woman as much as possible?

107 replies

LilacHedgehog123 · 19/05/2026 13:41

My husband is from a small town where everyone know each other. When we first got together 18 years ago, and up until about 8 years ago, every time there was a night out with a group of friends from this town, one of the wives used to be quite rude to me. For some reason, every time I tried to make conversation with her, she would just walk off. Not make an excuse and leave, I mean she would literally just walk away from me. It was extremely awkward. Especially when our husbands would be chatting.

The last time she did this was about 8 years ago (at a wedding).

Recently, her son and my friend Anja's daughter have become friends in school and consequently, my friend Anja is now friends with this lady.

We're going to a wedding in a few weeks. This lady and my friend Anja will both be there. Our husbands are all friends and recently spent a fun weekend together at the stag do so I know I'll be in this group of people, with this lady.

I'm assuming she'll talk to me as normal now as a lot of time has passed since she was so mean but I don't know how I feel about it. We're both good friends with Anja so I can see us spending a lot of the day together and although I wouldn't say anything as it's a wedding and I'm not one to make things awkward, it just feels like I'm doing myself a disservice if I chat to her politely when she was so rude to me for so long!

What would you do?

OP posts:
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 19/05/2026 14:40

FasterMichelin · 19/05/2026 13:53

Your friend is fine that she does this to people? Why haven’t you told her that she did it to you too?

Id mention it, “I hope she doesn’t blank me again. She used to do it in the early years and it made me feel really uncomfortable, it’s so rude isn’t it. Just a warning that if she does it at the wedding, I’ll be making no further effort, life is too short for to treated so disrespectfully”.

She’s an idiot - I’m surprised anyone short sighted enough to be friends with her.

Show quote history

I'd definitely tell Anja.
And I'd keep this person cooly at arms length.. But at least you know your'e not the only one she does this too.

Well1mBack · 19/05/2026 14:41

Wow this is so rude and making me remember this woman I used to work with! Is her name Victoria by any chance @LilacHedgehog123 ? 😂

She used to do this to me all the time. At work as well, if I was talking about professional work stuff, she'd either huff or sigh or just turn round and walk away!

Yet was sugary sweet to my friend (also my colleague). I told my friend how shit she was to me though. You need to tell your friend. It made mine take a step back and she (luckily) witnessed the back turn and walking away when we were on a night out so she saw what she was like with me. Horrible, horrible woman and I felt so confused and hurt. I genuinely could not think what I'd done to upset her and cause her to do this.

MachineBee · 19/05/2026 14:41

Hi wouldn’t say anything to Anja and if horrible woman does it to you again then I wouldn’t cover over the awkwardness - react as any normal person would and let the others in your conversation group notice it. Prime your DH if you feel he can be relied upon to react appropriately.

StephensLass1977 · 19/05/2026 14:48

Oops posted on wrong thread originally.

I would not call her out in advance, so to speak. I WOULD be on my guard though, but I know what I am like, personally. If I don't like someone, or someone has wronged me, it is very clear.

I wouldn't "start" anything or "warn" anyone, but just be guarded. I don't know why that woman is like she is, but be careful she doesn't spread shit about you.

Mary28 · 19/05/2026 14:51

I'd just ignore her as much as possible. If she speaks directly to me I'd speak back but I might just do the walk off thing as I'd probably be allergic to her. People like that don't change. It might suit her now to talk to you but I'd still be ignoring her where possible and trying to stay away from her. I'd survive for a day without Anja.

Scottishskifun · 19/05/2026 14:56

Personally I wouldn't engage with her unless she bothered to speak to you first.

My DH had a similar woman in his hometown friendship group. She would actively ignore me and any of the other guys gf then wives. Turned out she wanted things to be "how they were" and just the group. It was very odd. Safe to day she didn't get an invite to our wedding and thankfully haven't had to see her in 8 years!

MajorProcrastination · 19/05/2026 15:01

Let Anja know that this other lady has blanked you and walked away from you in the past so she knows everything before the wedding as it'd otherwise be weird for it to happen at the wedding.

If you have no idea why she walked away, I have no idea why she walked away. It might be a defence mechanism thing, who knows, I don't have enough context.

My approach for you would be to go to the wedding to have a good time and kill the situation with kindness. Be fun and lovely. If she still walks away from you, I'd guess it'll baffle other people too but you will still have a good time and Anja can still have a good time with you.

Where does she go when she walks away? The loo? Outside? Another room? Does she go solo or take others with her? Could it be when things get overwhelming or she's overstimulated? Or is it just that she doesn't like some people or their opinions or??? Who knows.

In short: tell Anja. Enjoy the wedding. Let this lady behave however she's going to behave.

WallaceinAnderland · 19/05/2026 15:06

LilacHedgehog123 · 19/05/2026 14:27

She won't walk off in front of everyone. She's going to be extra nice, I'm certain of it. And I'll be left wondering whether to just get over it or whether I should bare a grudge! Rude woman.

Show quote history

Well if she's extra nice, just go with it and enjoy yourself. I don't see what the problem is really. Don't get your knickers in a twist over something that happened 8 years ago and which you have now said won't happen at the wedding.

ParmaVioletTea · 19/05/2026 15:07

LilacHedgehog123 · 19/05/2026 13:48

No nothing like that. I know (from Anja) that if she doesn't want to talk to someone, she just leaves. She doesn't make conversation or excuses to be polite, she just walks away. My friend doesn't know that she used to do this to be however. It just feels so rude to me. It's not like I'm a random, our husbands are friends! I just wouldn't be that rude to someone.

Show quote history

She sounds like a rude disturbed woman. Just rise above it - if she walks away, just laugh and continue with your conversation with the others you’re talking to. If she tries to rejoin the conversation, you can use your body to just block her from joining you. All of this can be done while maintaining good manners and friendliness to others. They’ll see how odd and rude she is being!

5128gap · 19/05/2026 15:07

If she walks off, you and Anja can just carry on talking together.

ADAB33 · 19/05/2026 15:12

Sorry a bit confused. Is Anja your friend?

😉

ChocolateAddictAlways · 19/05/2026 15:17

It's nuts. Not normal behaviour at all.

And clearly no one calls her out because she continues to do it. So weird.

TinyCottageGirl · 19/05/2026 15:20

FasterMichelin · 19/05/2026 13:53

Your friend is fine that she does this to people? Why haven’t you told her that she did it to you too?

Id mention it, “I hope she doesn’t blank me again. She used to do it in the early years and it made me feel really uncomfortable, it’s so rude isn’t it. Just a warning that if she does it at the wedding, I’ll be making no further effort, life is too short for to treated so disrespectfully”.

She’s an idiot - I’m surprised anyone short sighted enough to be friends with her.

Show quote history

Definitely say something like this OP to your friend, the other woman sounds very rude

Sartre · 19/05/2026 15:29

Sorry but I find this quite funny. For me it’s the fact she’s got away with this behaviour for years and presumably no one has called her out on it because I guess everyone is kind of shocked when she does it and a bit like wtf just happened? It’s like she just decides someone is a twat and walks away without saying anything, it’s so socially awkward but actually hilarious. I wonder if her DH has ever said anything to her?! Surely someone at some point has asked why she behaves this way.

My FIL’s wife can be similar. Whenever we’ve been out with them she just wanders off on her own and pretends we don’t exist like we’re beneath her. I find it kind of amusing.

MNLurker1345 · 19/05/2026 15:36

OP, Anja and Vicky are not their real names are they?

PyongyangKipperbang · 19/05/2026 15:43

LilacHedgehog123 · 19/05/2026 14:15

What I find intensely irritating is how all the husbands think she's great. They all think she's really fun and a good laugh because they don't see the rude side!!

There's your answer. She's a pick me who likes to be friends with all the husband and freezes out women who she thinks are a threat to her queen bee status. I have known a couple of these over the years and they were both embarrassing to be around when there were men there, and downright unpleasant if it was just women.

Lairymary · 19/05/2026 15:55

Why are you assuming she won't be like that next time? It doesn't sound like she has grown out of her rude behaviour!

BunnyLake · 19/05/2026 15:59

MNLurker1345 · 19/05/2026 15:36

OP, Anja and Vicky are not their real names are they?

Anja is pretty outing if it's real.

I know people are saying a lot of time has passed but I would still feel awkward (and a little stressed) at the thought of mingling with her again. Year’s ago someone was inexplicably unpleasant to me (gave me dirty looks if we passed on the street, she was a school mum who I barely knew). It’s been about 15 years but I would still find it hard to feel relaxed around her and would avoid her if we were in the same place.

BunnyLake · 19/05/2026 16:02

LilacHedgehog123 · 19/05/2026 14:15

What I find intensely irritating is how all the husbands think she's great. They all think she's really fun and a good laugh because they don't see the rude side!!

She sounds like what used to be referred to as a ‘man’s woman’.

BiddlyBipBipBeeBop · 19/05/2026 16:04

If she does it again, call “bye!” loudly to her retreating back, laugh and carry on. She’s clearly got zero social skills
or awareness so it’s probably not personal. Try and be amused instead of offended, some people are just a bit strange!

Slightyamusedandsilly · 19/05/2026 16:06

I would have a quiet word with Anja and just explain the past. Also say you're happy to be polite and make small talk, but that you'll attempt to keep a bit of distance just in case. Tell her you're just letting her know so she doesn't think you're weird. But that you don't want to get into the same dynamic again.

And then do that. As much as you can without being rude, just try to avoid her.

ThisCandidMintGoose · 19/05/2026 16:08

I am not 12, so I would just make polite small talks and make 0 effort to see her, but wouldn't give her 2 minutes thoughts if we were invited to a join event.

She's obviously jealous and insecure for some reasons, her problem.

Linenspots · 19/05/2026 16:10

Apologies if this has already been asked...but how in the name of all things windy has this woman even got any friends?!

And for what it's worth, I wouldn't be able to refrain from asking her (loudly, and in front of as wide an audience as possible)

"Hey, Anja's chum. Do you still do that really weird thing of just walking away from people you don't like, mid-conversation?. The rest of us used to spend hours trying to work out why you did that, but we never did"

But then I'm just a mealy-minded pot-stirrer, and it's probably best not to take my advice!

ThisCandidMintGoose · 19/05/2026 16:18

Linenspots · 19/05/2026 16:10

Apologies if this has already been asked...but how in the name of all things windy has this woman even got any friends?!

And for what it's worth, I wouldn't be able to refrain from asking her (loudly, and in front of as wide an audience as possible)

"Hey, Anja's chum. Do you still do that really weird thing of just walking away from people you don't like, mid-conversation?. The rest of us used to spend hours trying to work out why you did that, but we never did"

But then I'm just a mealy-minded pot-stirrer, and it's probably best not to take my advice!

you would just embarrass yourself, which is entirely your right, but I wouldn't recommend it. It's you people will try to avoid, not her, after a scene like that.

Even my primary school kids are have more maturity 😂

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 19/05/2026 16:22

Tempting to make a bee line for her at the reception with Anja to see how the land lies. I'd certainly mention it this weekend that she usually blanks you and you think she's a rude cow but you'll give her one more chance.

I would definitely check the seating plan as soon as I arrived though and move the place setting on the table if too close. Tempting as it would be to loudly ask someone to swap with you as Anja's chum seems to hate your guts for no reason that you can tell.
Life is too short.