Consent needs full disclosure, right?

[PeoplesNet]

Twice now I've had to deal with men who don't last longer than two minutes in bed (or 6 seconds) and they knew about their problem beforehand but didn't think it relevant to warn me or check I was okay with it.

Is it unreasonable to consider this a failure to get informed consent? I would never have agreed to waste my time getting done up, spend hours with them on a date, get naked with them etc if I'd known there was no possibility of enjoyment for me, just them.

No relationship involved, so it was obvious I was expecting to enjoy myself as well.

At this stage, I'll confirm: they couldn't do anything to satisfy me - clearly not interested in working on any skills to satisfy the woman.

20 years ago, I would have felt obligated to accept this and feel sorry for the bloke and his issues. But at this enlightened stage in my life, I feel angry and used. I explained to the most recent guy that he has an obligation to warn any potential partner so they can make an informed decision about whether or not they want to have sex with him. To his credit, he did agree and said he hadn't considered that. But why not?? Why isn't this info reaching men?

I've been reading on here about issues with men taking too long to share kinks and I know people would be furious if STDs / HIV status weren't discussed beforehand.

I think it's time for men/people to recognise that consent isn't just a general 'yes' and then people have to deal with whatever cr*p you throw at them in bed.

I suppose I have learned now to be explicit about what I'm consenting to. So if any men start wondering why they're suddenly being asked for girth, length and stamina. This is why. Haha jokes.

I mean this arrogant douche hadn't even considered viagra, and tried to tell me no other sexual partners had complained! What?! Then they were being typical, polite, agreeable women, because no way is shifting your weight every 5 seconds and climaxing after 2 mins acceptable bedroom behaviour!

Ok you do finally seem to be crawling towards seeing some sense. Although you're trying to make it our comprehension issue and not your communication problem.

"Shame people can't see past the inclusion of 'informed consent' in the post. Maybe I needed to sanitise it with 'not the best communicator so I felt used'."

Yes. If you had said "I felt used/hurt because X made promises to me he knew he wouldn't be able to keep" then literally noone would have had a problem. The issue was conflating it, repeatedly, with non consensual sex.

Do you mean English? So should the medical community stop requesting and discussing informed consent?

I am shocked by how many people don't understand English and have chosen to focus on the wrong thing entirely.

Nice to see the patriarchy still alive and well.

Would have been nice to see more comments supporting men being upfront about this issue. Women don't have to tolerate it just because men are ashamed or embarrassed by it. There are ways to deal with it and neither of them had bothered. But please do keep focusing on the English being used here which is also used in other topics like rape and medicine.

I see your verbally abused and I raise you: slapped across the face. He actually expected me to love it and appreciate him taking initiative! As it happens, I started crying and the mood was instantly killed. Men really are from another planet. (This wasn’t our first time so he even ‘knew’ me somewhat at this point.)

You are a disgrace on this thread OP. Aside from your terrible wording and idiotic thinking …

Re you being queried about whether you should admit to being rubbish at blow jobs - But I don't think anyone needs to talk about performance / ability because as someone else said: that's subjective

So you want men to tell you they can’t last more than 2 minutes .. but you don’t have to tell them you’re rubbish at blow jobs?? Double standards there 😵‍💫😵‍💫

The "medical community" don't talk about a lack of consent in a sexual context. Unless we're talking about rape.

If he could last longer but wasn't arsed about your needs and hadn't disclosed that he was selfish, would you have revoked consent too? What if he saw you without make up and said he didn't have informed consent?

How dare you talk about people not understanding English. As for the patriarchy, your language is showing you as rather an ally to them.

Who needs the patriarchy when women are so determined to look like victims that they see their experience as just a bit worse than that of rape survivors.

If you were genuinely concerned you would have read the room and dialled down your over dramatic language instead of coming back to slag everyone off.

Is it also sexual assault if he doesn't tell you how many inches it is beforehand? Or the colour of his pubes

GOADY

Or maybe he just really fancied you, OP!😘

You sound absolutely obnoxious in the way you talk about other people. Unfortunately there's no requirement to disclose that prior to sex either.

We also don’t have to tolerate someone being so desperate that they think that their experience is in any way comparable to sexual assault survivors. And when everyone in the thread points that out, just gets nasty and thinks it’s the same thing to a lesser degree.

I think it is an “informed consent” issue as OP has said ..so many posters have got the wrong idea she doesn’t say consent ....”informed consent” often relates to full information before undergoing a procedure. Something done to you and not mutual seems a perfect description of the sex she describes.

In this case ..these men have a performance issue that should be pre explained AND an inadequacy issue about giving a woman an orgasm which they should declare…I’d feel horribly misled and used too.

Yuck just yuck

Yet she’s deliberately not apologising for the language she uses.

Yet again I will quote

Not every experience of rape or being used is the same and it isn't fair to invalidate another woman's experiences just because yours was objectively worse.

Do you honestly think that a crap fuck and being raped is just part of the same spectrum?

‘Something done to you and not mutual’ has unfortunate rape associations as well

No, it's definitely the case that people don't like hearing 'informed consent' when it comes to sex, because they're hearing rape instead of understanding what 'informed' means.

Had I been adequately informed, I wouldn't have consented. So it is an issue of informed consent.

I'm sad women still get shouted down when trying to talk about how they're made to feel by men who trick them into bed, but yeah, you lot just keep focusing on the word 'consent' and ignoring 'informed'.

And you keep focussing on a couple of crap fucks and ignore the shit you have caused people.

you could have apologised and changed how you put things but no. You had to keep going. How dare you accuse other people of shouting you down.

Never mind i was wrong, crawling back away from the sense i thought they were finally seeing

Ah hang on - so he tricked you j to bed? So it was rape then? Or was it that you were just angry that he didn’t put the effort in.

Mhmm so you didn't read my reply to someone who stated they were a rape survivor, where I said their experience was objectively worse than mine.

Or did you not understand it.

It is when the person knows they have performance issues and don't believe in a woman’s pleasure…..and you wouldn’t have sex with them if you knew

Maybe next time have a list of your requirements and discuss them together beforehand so you can ensure you are fully informed.

It was to be hoped that nobody would continue to double down on that kind of behaviour but alas OP is in fact exactly who she first appeared

Mutual pleasure is a special requirement now????

First post nails it

No informed consent absolutely has connotations of rape. It is usually used to refer to situations where the woman has been drugged, intentionally piled with alcohol to ensure that she cant meaningfully say no etc, so not a typical "rape" with active resistance but still rape nonetheless

Or a situation where the man is infected with an STD and doesn't tell her, or removes a condom mid sex, so the sex is still consensual but that aspect of it is not.

It doesn't refer to shit sex