Consent needs full disclosure, right?

[PeoplesNet]

Twice now I've had to deal with men who don't last longer than two minutes in bed (or 6 seconds) and they knew about their problem beforehand but didn't think it relevant to warn me or check I was okay with it.

Is it unreasonable to consider this a failure to get informed consent? I would never have agreed to waste my time getting done up, spend hours with them on a date, get naked with them etc if I'd known there was no possibility of enjoyment for me, just them.

No relationship involved, so it was obvious I was expecting to enjoy myself as well.

At this stage, I'll confirm: they couldn't do anything to satisfy me - clearly not interested in working on any skills to satisfy the woman.

20 years ago, I would have felt obligated to accept this and feel sorry for the bloke and his issues. But at this enlightened stage in my life, I feel angry and used. I explained to the most recent guy that he has an obligation to warn any potential partner so they can make an informed decision about whether or not they want to have sex with him. To his credit, he did agree and said he hadn't considered that. But why not?? Why isn't this info reaching men?

I've been reading on here about issues with men taking too long to share kinks and I know people would be furious if STDs / HIV status weren't discussed beforehand.

I think it's time for men/people to recognise that consent isn't just a general 'yes' and then people have to deal with whatever cr*p you throw at them in bed.

I suppose I have learned now to be explicit about what I'm consenting to. So if any men start wondering why they're suddenly being asked for girth, length and stamina. This is why. Haha jokes.

I mean this arrogant douche hadn't even considered viagra, and tried to tell me no other sexual partners had complained! What?! Then they were being typical, polite, agreeable women, because no way is shifting your weight every 5 seconds and climaxing after 2 mins acceptable bedroom behaviour!

100% this

So I shouldn’t invalidate your ‘experience’ just because mine was worse??? They are two different things. Oh okay then, it must have been awful and nearly as bad as what happened to me.

You had shit sex. I don't know a single person, man or woman, who has not had a bad shag.
For every man who has PE (which a lot of men are ashamed of), there are women who will lie there like a starfish and go over shopping lists in their head. Or fake orgasms.

Shit sex is not a consent issue. Consent is to do with rape. Your doubling down on conflating the two is getting offensive.

How far does this go? Could he reasonably expect you to announce you’re not very good at blowjobs, for instance?

When I read some of the stuff on here, I really do wonder….

Have I called for the legal definition of rape to be redefined?

I'm not replying to any comments with this theme anymore because a few have hijacked my post to argue something else and I suspect because they are men or alternatively women who are particularly sensitive and therefore not considering that other women's experiences also matter. However understandable the latter, I'm not sorry I raised this topic because I want women to feel comfortable raising concerns and not just giving in as soon as people try to shout them down.

I’m glad it’s not just me. She is putting rape and being used in the same fucking category.

You are using language associated with rape.

The issue you described is LITERALLY just a crap shag. Didn't last long and you didn't cum. Crap shag, we've all had them. No fun.

It's not a fucking "consent" issue.

If it weren't so depressing it would be hilarious that in your OP you describe reacting differently to this crap shag than you would have 20y ago because you're at an "enlightened stage in [your] life"

You've managed to upset and offend at least a handful of rape victims here and made yourself look rather stupid in the process. God knows what you were like before you were "enlightened".

Well I am in fact a woman. Well I was a girl when I was raped but there you go.

Nobody has hijacked your post. People are rightly saying how dare you compare your experience to being raped.

you actually said
Not every experience of rape or being used is the same and it isn't fair to invalidate another woman's experiences just because yours was objectively worse.

You can ignore people’s comments as much as you like but that sentence is one of the most offensive things I have ever read.

Your own thread is entitled "Consent needs full disclosure, right?"

Your argument, thus, is that without full disclosure there's no consent.

I'm not "piling on". These are literally your own words.

You didn't have nonconsensual sex, you had crap sex.

Do you honestly, honestly think any man interested in no strings sex is ever going to admit he’s actually not that good? It sounds like you were just as willing to use him and are only complaining that it wasn’t worth the energy.

I once met a man who bragged he had stamina, loved giving oral sex etc etc…he was crap in bed. I shrugged him off and didn’t see him again, I didn’t complain about not consenting to crap sex.

I think you need to be a bit more discerning about who you go to bed with.

and yes, I have been raped more than once. This OP is just…well it’s frankly appalling to read.

Informed consent is about more than rape fgs

I am still reeling from ‘Not every experience of rape or being used is the same and it isn't fair to invalidate another woman's experiences just because yours was objectively worse.

What. the, fuck.

And then accusing us of being men or over sensitive (the irony is clearly lost on this person)

It is disgusting.
I hope this thread gets zapped TBH.

And those of us who are survivors are in fact sorry you felt the need to compare your experience with one of the most horrific things a woman can go through.

And you dare pretend you are posting to help other women? Spoiler alert - you have done a shitty thing. I couldn’t report my rape because I was ashamed. It has affected my life ever since. I have never had a normal or healthy attitude to sex.

But by all means compare your shit shag to that.

Do you agree with the OP then that shit sex is comparable to sexual assault? Please elaborate

Choose better men? What was wrong with the men?

That's a fair question and on topic - I described earlier I believe everyone needs to be more upfront (so I mentioned women with makeup / push up bras.. etc) - it definitely works both ways. But I don't think anyone needs to talk about performance / ability because as someone else said: that's subjective. Some guys ask for more teeth, others less, for example! My main concern is withholding factual information that could reasonably be expected to change the answer from yes to no.

Serious things. And not being physically able to last more than a few seconds, when you know the woman is there to enjoy herself as well (and in one case, he explicitly made comments about having 'great sex') - ideally, men would be upfront about that specific issue.

Shame people can't see past the inclusion of 'informed consent' in the post. Maybe I needed to sanitise it with 'not the best communicator so I felt used'.

But that's people needing to say grape now and unalived instead of using plain English.

Could you quote me saying that? It didn't happen.

The language policing is a bit rich when OP used the term "sh*g" earlier (OP's asterisk not mine)

@PeoplesNet Maybe you are the one who should have made your expectations clear. ( “I will only have sex with you if you can do the following….”)
This has nothing to do with consent - it’s to do with communication ( and your lack of it )

Ha good point!