To wish my dh understood why I would like him to make an effort more with his clothes? Or explain it to me ?

[Boomboomi]

When I met dh many moons ago , he dressed very well , on a limited income.
Fast forward , he does not make an effort with his clothes .When I do - most of the time - he says I look pretty etc.

Being a very visual person … I love clothes, colours, shapes .

He says that it is simply not important to him .
ive asked him over the years to ger a few bits - it does not register in his priorities.. tho he does know how important it feels to me.
He could look good v easily on a minimal effort.

as he knows its important to me - i do wonder if its resistance - as he could do it if he wanted to on a small amount of money. He has spent 3k on a bike .

whilst i recognise we are people with different priorities- totally fine - i cant understand why he declines to invest just a small amount of his energy and money into something that he knows is important to me ?
like for eg our son in law wears lovely aftershave - as he likes to smell and look good for himself and others - wereas dh - feels no social pleasure in doing similar
it feels to me that he feels these socilatal norms - to me - dont apply - my family always liked to look smart and i dont get it . Help !

If it was a general comment, not aimed at OP, I think you should make this clear, since it reads to me as quite personal.
If you really do go around saying things like this to people’s faces, I would think there’s much more to the situation.
It doesn’t justify making comments like this online, especially as I think you’ve totally misunderstood the situation, believing it to be about control. It isn’t as shown by the very fact of OPposting in order to receive advice and opinions, ie she’s open minded.

DH won't spend money on clothes and has got such a sparse wardrobe. When he does buy something he'll spend good money like he's got 2 pairs of jeans on the go that were £150 each.... but they've been washed so often they're no longer black but murky grey. I've asked him repeatedly to order another pair. I hate going out as he may be clean and smell nice but he looks like he ram raided a charity shop bin.

@Boomboomi - if you buy clothes for your dh, does he wear them, or would they get relegated to the back of the wardrobe, behind his charity shop finds?

If he would wear your purchases, I would say you should gradually add some things of your choice to his wardrobe - you say he doesn’t like shopping for clothes (buying two of something, to put off having to shop for clothes), so maybe he would just start wearing the clothes you buy.

But do try to work with his sense of style and colour preferences - ease him into newer things rather than giving him complete culture shock.

I am fairly sure I just did.

There is nothing ‘going on’, I just think that to expect someone to change something like that after you have told them once is a bit off.

I just think the advice on here is concerning.

This post won't go down well on here but I'm totally with you OP.

my husband doesn't make any effort whatsoever. It's not a money thing, it's because he has no interest in what's fashionable, he dresses purely for comfort. When I ask him to wear something appropriate (like if it's a wedding or special occasion) he wears something even worse just to spite me. I stopped doing this a long time ago. I find it so saddening, if he asked me to do something for him, I would at least try to listen to his opinions on it. And by the way he does comment on some of my clothes and if I know he doesn't like them then it does affect if I wear them when with him!

I've got to the point where I find it such an ick. When I come across well dressed men who have made an effort to with their appearance I feel a stab of what I'm missing.

I know I'll be called superficial and controlling etc but ok then maybe I am. I'm just letting you know you're not alone x

Tbf he has listened to your opinions, presumably. But he has chosen not to do what you want him to do

I think some posters here who think Op is being ‘controlling’ etc. have either forgotten or don’t realise for whatever reason that long term relationships require substantial compromises on both sides, often more far reaching than the fairly minor adaptation of considering your spouse’s feelings about your personal presentation!

Or as many would call it ‘deciding that your spouse needs to dress how YOU want’.

Like I said, if it’s a deal breaker then walk away.

Dont stay just to complain.

If your marriage requires substantial compromise then you've married the wrong person.

My Husband wears clothes that are dirty, paint stained, rips, dog hair all other then and just doesn’t care despite me telling him I want him to make a little bit of effort.

I wish I could complain about ‘plain, boring clothes. I think you should probably count yourself lucky as it could be worse 😔

Grab them. Stuff them in the wash. Yes, I know it's controlling but I don't want to live with someone wearing their dinner. Ripped or manky t shirts. Bin them.

It's in some ways the opposite of superficial. You're complaining about something deeply personal to him that doesn't affect anybody else. (Unless you're going to say he's wearing clothes infested with cat hair/smell from a charity shop and you're allergic to cats or something).This isn't the same as wanting a partner to buy you flowers rather than chocolates or similar. He has his style and trying to change it is wrong even though it's not something you like.

’I know it’s controlling but..’

Wow. Just wow.

Well perhaps the t shits are a bit harsh but no way am I going anywhere with a partner in food stained clothes.

Lack of self expression? He is expressing himself , you want to impose your taste.

Then you leave. It’s simple.

Rather than put your partner’s clothes in the wash? There are many, many conversations and negotiations first surely? I’ll try washing the trousers before buying my own house.

My turn for Wow. ‘Love, those trousers are a bit manky’ to moving out?

This - what stopping you buying him nice clothes for birthdays, Xmas ?

Walk away? Somewhat extreme!

if this is how you do 'compromise in a long term relationship' then let me guess, you're single?!

Don't be bitter, glitter!

Sorry, but how ridiculous.

Okay so short of manipulating him by ruining/hiding his clothes etc, what do you suggest? She wants him to change, he doesn’t want to change.

Any compromise would only be from him.

So either she accepts it or she decides it’s too much.

He clearly prefers to buy his own.

Surely nobody is dense enough to fall for the flattery routine?

I suspect part of this is being embarrassed to be with your OH in public. That you (plural) are being judged because of this. This is not something I am critical of - if this is the case, you need to let him know.

Just go and buy him some clothes!!! Lay them out and say, would you where these today when we go out, usually thats all it takes.