AIBU to tell DH to split his inheritance with his half siblings?

[hesbelleth]

DH lost both of his parents quite young, when he was in his late 20s. His parents were both on their second marriage. He was adopted but only found out on his dad’s death.

His mum had two biological children with her first husband. They are in their late 50s, so much much older than DH. He sees them maybe 2-3 times a year, but growing up he didn’t really see them for a few years at a time. They’re both nice people.

When his mum died, she left his dad all of their property/money. She wanted her half to be split amongst her three children.

When DH’s dad died, he left everything to DH. It’s not an enormous sum but includes a very small flat in Kensington so it’s an estate of £1m+

DH’s siblings have now come to ask if he will be giving them their share of the estate. That is, for the mum’s half, split between them. DH doesn’t want to give them anything as it was left to him. He also says the money is more useful for him than them as they’re retired or about to and own their own houses outright.

"She wanted her half to be split amongst her three children."

Is there any actual evidence of this? Or is it just some family story?

It's his decision but that's a moral thing here and does he want continued contact with his siblings. Imagine how they feel?

You are absolutely right. His mum's share should go to her other children and DH should split that 3 ways. That will make all the difference between a meager and comfortable retirement. It's what his mum would have wanted.

Sounds like he takes after his Dad, adopted or not
How awful for his mother’s wishes to be ignored. Poor woman probably had faith in her husband he would do the right thing by all her children. She should have made a will, and the Dad should have followed his wife’s wishes but in the absence of the Dad doing the right thing, your husband certainly should, regardless of him having more use for the money than the older siblings.
Greedy behaviour is quite revolting and it would make me think much less of him, and I would tell him so.

OP is his finding out he was adopted playing into his decision? That sounds like a very recent development and the emotions around that could be clouding his judgement. Is he perhaps projecting some anger at his half siblings who presumably knew given they are much older, and he may feel disconnected from them as a result. If he feels any anger towards his DPs who are not around to explain he may be projecting on to his siblings….

What's an enormous sum to you OP I'm curious.

Probably because that would make the dad homeless. Mum wanted it split between them she was mum to all 3 so that’s what they should do.

Yeah you absolutely should tell him. What would his mother want?
Why is he willing to cut his family off over money?
Tell him how poorly you think of him if he doesn’t and it’s really shocked you. He’d still keep 4/6 of the shame, he’d keep all 50% of his Dad’s share then just split the remaining 50%. So they get 1/6 while he gets 4/6… and he’s not willing to do that?
It’s quite disgusting. If it were my husband I’d be rethinking my marriage I think.

If there was a will and the mother had stated this in her will, then her intentions were know and morally, your DH should hand 1/6 of the inheritance to each of his half siblings.

However if the mother passed first and left everything to her husband, then her will is cancelled out and the husband's will counts in the eyes of the law.

In blended families, rather than joint tenants on the deeds, this should be changed to tenants in common and then the share of the house can be divided up as to the wishes of each individual, with the clause that the widow can stay in the house until their passing.

Are they likely to contest the will?
I’d take some legal advice and maybe offer them an amount and then if they kick off and don’t accept the offer they’ve not got a leg to stand on.
£1 million is huge tho!!

if some relative left me that and not my
sister I would 100% share it with her but we are very close.

Well on first glance it seems fair he should split it 3 ways.

But how much did the mum have before she met his dad? Because that's really the bit the first 2 kids are 'owed'.

I haven’t read everybody’s posts but idont know why people are saying the siblings should get 1/6 of the estate.
We don’t know if the mothers estate amounted to 50% of the total estate.
If the mothers owned a property as joint tenants then that automatically goes to her husband - so what is left of her estate is what would be divided between her three children.
What the father then does with HIS estate is HIS business.
If he decides to give his siblings anything then I would be giving them 1/3 of the movable estate .
If the mothers owned had n(for arguments sake) left her ‘half’ of the estate to her first towo children would they be splitting it with your husband? I would also be considering that.
However, yes you @hesbelleth ARE being unreasonable as you have no right to ‘tell’ your husband anything with regards to his inheritance.

Trying to justify his greed by saying the half siblings “don’t need it” would forever change my view of him.

If the whole lot is a million, then DH should have the half million from dad and then split the other half million 3 ways IMO so he then gets £666,666

@hesbelleth When DH’s dad died, he left everything to DH. It’s not an enormous sum but includes a very small flat in Kensington so it’s an estate of £1m+

Not an enormous sum, but it's £1m+...

Never change, mumsnet.

That’s if he wants to follow his mums wishes, but this is a mess of his mum and dad’s making and i can also see his point that it was all his dads to leave as he wanted, which was all to your DH.

I’m a bit shocked that he thinks as he does tbh!

Does he really think so little of his Mum’s memory that he would take all the inheritance, leaving her two other children with none?

It’s obviously the morally right thing to do to share out that half of the money between the three of them, regardless of the legal position. Yes, his Mum should have sorted it out legally in her lifetime, but I bet she never thought her husband and son would need tying down legally to do the right thing - she trusted them in other words.

I think the problem is that after a very long marriage, both spouses trust the other to do the right thing after their death as regards to their children. So they leave mirror wills, leaving the other everything.

I know for example that it wouldnt cross my mothers mind that my father would marry again if she passed first, but personally I think that he would be very vulnerable to someone who wanted to marry him, he would be desperately lonely without her. And how often do we see it that a widow/er leaves their estate (including everything the late spouse left) to the second spouse who promptly cuts the dead persons own kids out? Seen it a lot on MN, never mind RL. Happened in my family and caused massive ructions.

Solicitors can advise that you can write a will making sure your kids get your desired share, but some people really dont want to think about the possibility that their wife/husband would screw their kids over either intentionally or otherwise. They cant bear the thought that their widow/er might marry again for example, so they assume the best and go with that.

Are they likely to contest the will?

What will? It seems the mother didn't make one and it's not clear whether the father did.

If the whole lot is a million, then DH should have the half million from dad and then split the other half million

Why do you think the mother's share amounted to half a million? The father might have acquired it since her death. By inheritance from his own parents, for example. His stepchildren would have no claim.

Or divorce him and have half for yourself?

If his mum’s will didn’t specify what happened to the money then it’s up to him to decide whether he wants the money or wants a relationship with his siblings.

It's a very small flat in Kensington!

How do you know the mum wanted her estate split three ways?
And why is it only becoming an issue now if both DH’s parents died when he was young?

Yes, this - how did this bit of information come to light?
And if it is true, it was the dad’s moral obligation and his mum’s actual responsibility to ensure it happened.

It’s now DH’s money to decide what he wishes to do with it. Has time passed since the Will was executed and the news of this mum’s wishes has come to light? is it tied up somewhere and so not so easy to just hand over the siblings “share”? Will he need to sell the flat?

He'd still be left with around 668k if he gave them their third of the mums half. He'd be a huge dick if he knows that was what his mum wanted, regardless if the dad didn't stick to it.

This. I was left (nowhere near 1m) and inheritance by way if a Will. The person told me shortly before death that they wanted me to share it. I did what any honourable person would do and shared it.